Feeling very emotional, can anyone help?

[freshstart24]

I'm a lone parent to my 8yo DS. He is the light of my life, and luckily is mostly a lovely ray of sunshine.

We have come away for Easter with some very close friends- they are a family with a Dd (15) and DS (11). We've come to a place I know well, so the dynamic is that I'm sort of the host.

DS is an only child, not by choice. Complications when he was born meant I cannot have more children. He has lots of friends and I think he's pretty social.

DS idolises the son of my friends. Unfortunately the feeling isn't mutual and he has no interest in DS and sort of tolerates him. I guess I understand that he has every right not to have to interact much with DS, but it's quite hard to watch my enthusiastic little boy being rejected over and over when trying to offer a game of footie, DVD, windsurfing, tennis, crabbing etc..

Today has been really hard as my friends are a very close family, they are lovely to me but there have been lots of lovely family moments- group hugs, family photos, in jokes which have left me so conscious that what I have with DS is lacking in so many ways.

The saddest part of the day for me was when the dad of the family went to play footie with the son, who told my DS that he couldn't go because they needed some time just the two of them. Then a group game of cards that they themselves planned for this evening was cancelled to watch TV instead. I'm sorry if I sound bitter- I don't mean to be, I know they have every right to time together without DS hanging around, and to watch TV instead of playing a game. But it was heartbreaking to see DSs face. He asked me what he should do differently so he could join in, all I could say was sometimes older children choose not to play with younger ones, and perhaps if he backed off things might change.

I have tried to make up for things while we are away, by making my own fun with DS- but I feel a huge weight on my shoulders because I feel I'm not enough for him. Given the choice he would want a family like these friends for himself, and that is what he deserves.

I'm so sad, I love him so much and I'm so overwhelmed by all of this that I'm constantly on the verge of tears.

We do have fun just the two of us, and we have our own tiny group hugs. DS enjoys school, does lots of stuff and has plenty of friends. But when I'm around people like this I realise home is where the heart is and I feel terrible that I can't give him what he needs.

I need to pull myself together and make the most of this weekend. Any wise words would be so helpful!

have more children.

[Starlightbright1]

Ok firstly I think your friends boys are been plain rude.

I have 7 nealry 8 year old and I have discovered that holidays alone are simply so much better.

I would talk to your friends in a none accusing way and say your DS feels like this ...Ask them how you think it can be resolved.


Also to add...this is holiday mode you are looking at. It isn't the same at home.

Your DS is not deprived just have something different. I am very close to my Ds and I think that it is because I don't have a partner. He doesn't play me off against anyone as he has no one too.

There are advantages to been a single parent focus on them

big hugs to you

[freshstart24]

Thank you starlight.

I was shocked to hear the boy say out loud that the game was just for him and his dad. I'm not quite sure if the dad was aware of what had been said TBH. I know a braver person might have said something but I'm not very good at these things, and worry about people thinking I spoil DS.

I can't tell you how hopeful it makes me feel to hear positive things from single mums of only boys. Thank you so much for replying.

[onionlove]

I also think they are being rude when my ds and dd do something with friends or even kids we met a half ago at the park I try to instill in them its good to include everyone. A lot of what you say resonates with me, but please don't be hard on yourself you sound lovely and a great mum, I bet your ds loves you to bits. He has friends and he is happy and loved you're doing a fab job c

[dwinnol]

You are not compromising him by being a small and loving family.
Sounds like the other family have been a bit insensitive today with the dad and son football game and family photos. But they probably look at you two and see you as a very happy family so have no idea you are feeling this way.

[YourHandInMyHand]

Well I have to say I think they are being rather rude and insensitive!!

Your DS sounds lovely and he sounds like a sociable thoughtful boy.

I am a single mum to a DS too, he's 10 now and we have a very close relationship. Having done a mixtures of breaks just us 2, and with other people we know I've come to the conclusion I like it best when it's just us on holiday. Or at a push we might invite someone we like for a night or two and have the rest of the time for ourselves.

Families come in all shapes and sizes, don't beat yourself up when you are clearly raising such a lovely lad.

[crimsonh]

I agree - your hosts are insensitive.
Maybe approach dad and ask if next time he could call both boys to join in?

[Parsley1234]

I was on your other thread too I feal like you do lone mum son age 11 fealing not enough for him knowing that everything relies on me it is tough. I do know my son and i have such a bond though and I cherish the time I have with him so much because it will soon pass the family your with shd be including your son and although I know the old adage about lone children being indulged etc doesn't sound like that to me you're doing your best all you can do and maybe next year hook up with another lone parent so you don't have to see happy families going on xxxxxx

[Parsley1234]

Sorry no punctuation

[fattymcChocolateEgg]

my DS was an only child for 5 years before DD was born (am now preg with DS2 and single...again)
I found it made us really close and we still are. the bond we have is amazing as he knows that I am the one person that is there throughout everything. but sometimes he still gets lonely and wants a male to olay with. luckily for me I have a younger brother, but there is six years between dbro and DS so dbro gets fed up and doesn't want to play and DS gets upset. it is horrible bit I am very fortunate in that it is blood so I can say something immediately.
maybe try to explain to your friends that your DS is feeling left out and that you don't think it is fair he is being purposely excluded on a holiday they chose to have with you and him.

[Canyouforgiveher]

the other boy is ungenerous - but it is a tricky age. the parents sound insensitive too. If I was with my husband on a holiday with a friend who was single, I would be bending over backwards to make sure she felt included- and that is without the addition of a child who wants to be part of the group.

honestly, I don't think holidaying with this family is working for you. just because they are good close friends doesn't mean holidaying together will work. I wouldn't do it again if I were you.

Your ds sounds lovely as do you.

[Woodenheart]

I wonder if your friends son is a bit jealous maybe & is a bit possessive about his dad?

You sound like a wonderful mum, don't be hard on yourself, its hard work being a lone parent,
as for the holiday, I think I would have left the place by now

[freshstart24]

Thank you all so much for the reassurance, I feel much less emotionally on the edge now.

I know I ought to speak up about this to my friends but unfortunately I'm not good at being controversial. Plus if I say anything I know the floodgates will open and I'm quite ashamed of how I feel- I'm not ready to admit it to them!

[crimsonh]

What if on similar occasion you would have said "Actually I wouldn't mind joining in" grab your sin and go to the garden to play football together.

[gillybean2]

I think you do need to join in and make sure he is part of it all. So when the card game was canceled you and he could of played together instead and perhaps invited the other adults to join you.

And with the football I'd personally have given then 10/15 mins and then followed them out with your own ball and kicked it around between yourselves before inviting yourselves to join them.

If they don't want to include ds then just do what you would if you were together on holiday without this other family.

I would definitely tell your friend (in a non confrontational way) that ds is feeling a bit left out and that you understand that her dc are used to their own company and also want time with their dad but could they try and include ds sometimes too. Throw in how lovely it is that he makes time for his boys and how ds seems to be missing male company and how this holiday was such a good idea so ds could spend some time with her sons and OH.

Is there anything you could start that you know the others boys would want to join in with? Is there a games console or anything like that you and ds could play that they would want to join in with perhaps...?