jealous of my ex

[glitternanny]

we split 2 years ago and I have our 3yo as main parent. he does see a lot of his dad as he works shifts and gets a lot of time off (4 on/4 off)

is it normal to feel so jealous that he's got it easy, he's lucky?

he's back living with his parents so constant babysitters
company when he's not at work
people to do the housework washing and cooking
he has no financial responsibilities no bills or running a house to worry about
he has our son only when he's not working so that time with him is 100% on him
if he gets asked to do overtime I just have our son those days every month

I am lucky he comes to work with me as im a nanny and have fab employers which is fabulous but changes the dynamics of my day as im sure can be appreciated.

im out the house 65 hours a week without overtime. all shopping chores errands need to be squeezed into evenings and precious weekends.

[Quesera21]

Completely normal.

He has, like my EX,the upper hand and always will do. He can drop his contact time with minutes notice and know that you will have to just suck it up.

He can stop paying maintenance , reduce it because he feels he has paid for xyz and he feels he should not and you just have to suck it up.

In my case, he will take his new DP and her DCs on holiday and just forget it was his week of the holidays for contact and you had other plans and you just suck it up and pay for the extra child care out of the reduced maintenance because he went on holiday!!!

There is nothing you can do, because ultimately, he knows you will do it for your DC. It is a dynamic that very few people understand unless they are on the receiving end. Too often on the step board, you will see - well why can't his BM have her DCS, I mean it is only........., she is their mother and if she was a good mother she would want the best for her DCs etc etc. The fact that their family crisis is not her family crisis is missed and if you had a crisis invariably you have to sort it.

[whyMe2014]

Totally understand...my stbxh has a flash new 'pad', younger OW, two cars, designer clothes, goes to the gym and stays at a golf and country club at new year while he has pushed me onto benefits and free school meals. How is this fair?

He then gets to take me to court over access to the children and says I'm the unreasonable one.

[WillIEverBeASizeTen]

I also second 'completely normal'..

My youngest is now 17, i split with my DC Dad 9 years ago, so I've been doing this a long time. I have never had any support either financial or moral. Him and his new DP had a child within 18 months of our split, totally and utterly irresponsible (he was 50 at the time) and the time he spent with our son was not of any quality whatsoever, just take him to McD and bung him some sweetie money then shove him back home. Our daughter was that much older and had no interest in her father. I have always worked and without the help and support of school mums and friends (no family nearby) I don't know how I would have done it.

The last 2 years with my DS being a teenager has been fraught as you can imagine. I have had no support from ex whatsoever, I actually hate him now, no actually I despise him, never did before. He has no moral responsibility,no financial responsibility no nothing, and can come and go as he pleases (which he does I'm told) yes... I really despise him.

It is very unfair OP very unfair

[ScrambledEggAndToast]

I wouldn't say jealous, especially as my ex had one child with one woman and is now living with another woman whom he has a bio child and her three children. However, during the periods when we had split, before he had more children, I did sometimes think how it was unfair that he could just abdicate his responsibilities and assume that I would be there to do everything. He just went back to doing whatever he liked, going out etc. I've had the last laugh though as he has a pretty crappy life while I have the pleasure of living with DS.