single til children grown up?

[MistressMiggins]

anyone feel that this is the best way to go?
I know people say you have your own life or are entitled to happiness again, but its hard enough starting out in a new relationship without hte added complication of children
my husband moved out last Nov and I accidentally met this bloke in June....hes been lovely, attentive, such a gentleman while out, has a DD (9) who he has custody of....and unfortunately Ive fallen for him....
yet this weekend something seems wrong and so I feel I just cant put myself through this again - its bad enough feeling the rejection from my husband daily wihtouth some new bloke....
i have such a trust issue that I'm already blaming myself for this bloke.....

[shebnem]

dont blame yourself please, its only the conditions.
you seem to be maybe at the beginning of relationship-dont know details.
if you feel strong enough try to wait and see, otherwise start such thing when you feel strong enough. (in my opinion)

[MistressMiggins]

hes definitely acting differently towards me

It is my fault - I got upset cos he lied about telling his family about me. I just cant stand lies. I wasnt asking to meet them FGS - just couldnt understand why he hadnt even mentioned me as he sees his parents DAILY....they take his 9 yr old to school. If I didnt have 2 kids under 5 I bet he'd have mentioned me.

I think Im going to tell him to stick it cos I just cant be doing with games

pity as he's a really nice bloke - or maybe he isnt if he cant understand why trust is so important ro me & that I got upset cos of the lie....if he goes cold over such a little thing he's not worth it I guess

[Amanda1]

Message withdrawn

[MistressMiggins]

funnily enough it IS his first too after splitting up from his wife....and hes already told me that his mother is interfering...he has told his brother & sister....

Im sure his parents will be worried for him - why would they want him to get involved with a woman with 2 young children....

what annoys me about myself is that I was just enjoying time with him & male attention, and feel cross that I care more than I thought....I dont want to get hurt again

thanks for replying - am full of cold at mo so probably just ultra sensitive

[Amanda1]

Message withdrawn

[singledadofthree]

miss miggins

dont be too hasty with him. i stayed single for way too long thinking i could give my full attention to the kids. has worked out ok for them as i have always been around.
i do understand that your boyfriend will find it difficult telling his family for all sorts of reasons. i too now have a partner after ages and found it awkward to tell the kids. they are well aware as i spend so much time on the phone and keep clearing off for the weekend. i wouldnt lie to them of course, just felt odd as i've always been so independent - is kind of letting them see i'm human after all.
i would just give it time and dont force the situation - i'm really good at that and can tell you it doesnt get you anywhere you want to be.
hope it turns out well for you anyway - remember you being well pissed off a while ago so is good to hear things are looking up.

[HowwwlidayMumsPukefest]

Be patient with him MM!
I was in a very similar situation with my Dh when we started seeing each other. It was easier because we had been friends first but we were both single parents.
You are both in a difficult situation. You have both had your faith and trust in people damaged and both will put your kids first and feel protective.
Take things slowly! Give him space and try to understand that his parents are trying to protect him and their granddaughter.

We got there in the end and are fantasticallly happy! But it took a while and was an emotional rollercoaster at times (on both our parts)

[NightHowl]

i know where you're coming from mm. for around three years i felt the same. i didn't really want any kind of relationship, felt it was much easier being on my own with the kids and concentrating on them. i met people yes but i cant honestly say i really felt a thing, i couldn't have cared less whether i saw them again or not. i had even begun to wonder if there was something wrong with me that i just couldn't care about anyone anymore. i'd been so hurt in the past that any kind of emotion felt wrong. i met someone quite unexpectedly earlier this year and tbh its been tough for me to adjust. the fact that i care about him so much has made me feel vulnerable and perhaps sometimes i read too much into things he says or does. he hasnt really told his kids about me either and i did have a bit of an issue with that not so long ago. i felt like i was a dirty secret. but then....i didn't tell too many people about him at first and im not sure why...perhaps because i was scared about it not working out and looking like a fool. i suppose the thing is too, with a 9 year old, how to bring the subject up? my son is nine and i've never sat him down and said "mummy has a bf"...he's not really bothered enough to think its a big deal. he's sort of known i had one, then met him and liked him. i suppose what im saying (rambling) is i wouldn't be too hasty (although i know its tempting) and just see how it goes for a while.

[MistressMiggins]

good advice and good to hear other POV

maybe its too early for me or maybe for him

he definitely is cooler towards me and I jsut cant be playing games....hes gone from txting me all the time, to very infrequent...maybe its me giving out "back off" vibes to him
I just dont see how you ever get over betrayal and trust again

I wish I could go back a few weeks when I was the cool one just enjoying the ride (so to speak)

[Judy1234]

I think it's more a question that it isn't very long since your husband moved out. It's just a bit soon but it won't feel so in a year or two. ON the other hand you don't want to lose someone who might be right. He may have backed off a bit because it was his first experience of seeing you not pleased about something and that might remind him of his own marriage.

[MistressMiggins]

I just wish I hadnt accidentally met him sometimes - like you said, in a yr or so I may feel differently...and to be honest, I wasnt looking at all - I was quite happy plodding along trying to rebuild my life and sort out my divorce

you could be right about his own demons - I hadnt thought of that

[glitterfairy]

Mistress Miggins so glad you are back out there but it is early days even though it is a year. Take your time and dont for goodness sake think it is you.