feeling like a mug

[theheadgirl]

I'm feeling really low. Split up from ex about 3 year ago, and had one crap "relationship" since. It started with a work colleague, who texted me when he was drunk one night. We'd been good friends for 5 years, and he has a partner. Anyway a long distance affair started, he'd text or email everyday, and we'd meet up infrequently. He said he loved me. I knew it wasn't real, but because I'm alone with 3 kids, I stupidly let it become more important to me than I knew it should. But its never going to be anything than a distraction for both of us, and I just feel sad that I've lost his friendship too. I feel like a loser that at 41, I've had a failed marriage, and then a half-hearted fling and thats it. I have a nice life with my DDs but feel I'm missing out on being with someone who wants to be with me.

[ninah]

I don't know what to say to make you feel better but I'm 39 and just on my own with 2 kids. I was married in my 20's but left, was always a bit footloose then clobbered in my late 30's with Big Love and 2 kids. When I jwst left him a good long term friend helpped me no end even packed my stuff but turned out he was like your friend, he was professing love etc. So I told him to eff off but I am SSSSO lonely even that was harder than it should be. So don't ffeel bad about giving in to that - but remember anyone has to be OK bout being alone first before a relationshiop happens. I know alone is bloody hard. Do you have girl friends locally?

[theheadgirl]

No I don't really, I've just changed jobs, cos I knew I should try and move on, and am back living in my home town after 20 years away. I have acquaintences who I'm friendly with, but just my sister who I'm close to (who has a shed load of problems of her own!) I think trying to make new friends would be the way forward, but just don't know how to start. Thanks for replying though xx

[ninah]

I think back in the home town is a bit of a head f too. I'm back too after similar. Only Home here is a hamlet. It's doing my head in. No one else seems to have ventured out of the Midlands.

[theheadgirl]

Oh No! It must be hard if you feel like moving was a backward step... its not so bad where I am, its a city with lots of opportunity for me and my girls. But what you said about being happy alone first is right I think. I accepted what happened with my friend as I thought I wouldn't find anything better. That might be true as well but I know really it can't go on so I have to just be thankful for what I have got. But its just that sometimes, the world seems full of couples.............

[ninah]

That I do know! but just the word City sends a shiver up my spine! God I am suddenly envious of you ... lol Listen at the end of it all we are up for ourselves and you sound you've done good thingss for you and your dd's. Well we all want forever and in real terms you're closer than a lot of your married, blinkered , friendss, I bet. Keep on keepin on ,, sisterr lol xxxxx I mean it x

[theheadgirl]

Yes, I can remember feeling worse than this, when in a "happily" married couple, you are right. I'm doing OK, I know I am. Thanks Ninah, you talk sense Off to bed now. Good luck to you and your kidlets, catch you again soon I hope xx

[gisi]

Hello THG (sounds a bit like Douglas Adams )
poor you, I can feel with you as I am having the feeling that I have made the biggest mistake in my life and my dd and I are on our own and there is no light on the horizon.
I do have some friends, but on weekends I don't want to disturb them,because I think it belongs to family.
But I think that somewhere someone is waiting for us and we have to go through dark valleys to reach the sunny top of the mountain.
So, we are all in one boat and let's hope it won't sink

all the best to you and your kids (I think you are a really tough person because you can handle living alone with three youngsters!), there is someone out there looking for you. Go and get him xxx