aibu contact

[cuphunt]

Hey, ive just started a new job which involves everyother weekend, ex is now throwing a fit about how I expect him to have the kids. I have told him that I will be having the kids on my weekend off and If he cant have them when im working then I will arrange childcare.
Hes moaning that he is busy on the wkends that im working. He also threw the fact that I get all the money for the kids in my face, (they live with me and he pays no maintenance.)
So am I being unreasonable to want to spend time with my kids? Im not denying him contact, im offering everyother weekend and he has them once a week overnight and once for tea. Can just feel this is going to explode into a big argument. Sorry its rambled

[NachoExpress]

Not unreasonable at all. A lot of separated parents have their children EOW and once midweek. EOW works out because it means that each parent gets at least one weekend to themselves.

[LadySybilLikesCake]

He sounds like a catch, I can't imagine why you broke up

He's seeing this as him 'babysitting', so he sounds useless. Speaking from experience, is he reliable? I had this arrangement with my ex so I could work, some of the time he wouldn't turn up, most of the time he was late. I had a job interview and he was late. Why isn't he paying maintenance? Have you been to the renamed CSA?

[cuphunt]

Phew, I struggle sometimes to see if im being normal!
He has been reliable for the weekly contact so far but weekends were all over the place, csa said he didnt have to pay as he is on disability and has them over night.
So if he was to take me to court or mediation I would be ok?
Hes now married and she has kids from a previous relationship if that makes any difference. Thanks for your replies

[NachoExpress]

So what exactly does he contribute financially towards the kids if he doesn't pay CSA?

[cuphunt]

Um...... clothes for their holiday that he took them on. Im not really sure but he says that he gives them everything they need and more when they stay at his!
Oh his wife did buy a set of uniform for them, I got shoes, coats, bags, as well as uniform.

[LadySybilLikesCake]

So he can afford maintenance then Disability isn't a barrier and shouldn't be used as an excuse to avoid paying maintenance, also caring for a child for one night a week wouldn't reduce it, it's not shared care. I'd call them up again, this sounds incorrect. Paying for your child's clothes and uniform helps, but the NRP shouldn't dictate what the maintenance is spent on.

[cuphunt]

I rang them twice and got told that! He paid me maintenance for two months after we split, then stopped spouting some shit about I should only use it to buy the kids treats. Cos after all treats are much more needed than a roof over their heads!

[starlight1234]

I assume he isn't working. My Ex is on disability and pays me £5 a fortnight through CSA

My ex has no contact so not sure how the one night affects it. I don't think you are been unreasonable. It sounds like he just wants to contrl contact.

[LadySybilLikesCake]

Even if someone's completely out of work and claiming benefits they pay, the minimum is £5 a week and it can be deducted out of their benefits

[Anotherchapter]

Congrats on the new job!

Tell him to piss off

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

It should be a £7 pw assessment

[LadySybilLikesCake]

Cheers, NeedsAscock

[IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi]

YANBU

Eow is the least he can do, it's not having them for you it's spending decent time with his dc

The maintenance might well be correct, I know someone in a similar situation who has a nil payment. I think if he stopped the overnight then it would be the basic rate from his benefits

If he is disabled and relying on benefits then it's understandable that he can't contribute financially but that's all the more reason for him to help in other ways, and ensuring that he can have them so you can work is the minimum he should be doing

[balia]

I think I'd arrange childcare. I wouldn't want to give this sad sorry sack of shit any hold over my life/work. He'd have you right over a barrel every weekend when you needed to get to work; how long would it be before he was picking them up with his hand out because he didn't have enough money to give them tea and unless you fork out he can't have them?

[cuphunt]

Hes being controlling like normal then. Hes such an ass, so glad hes my ex!!
Ok will stop stressing about it now.
thanks everyone

[cuphunt]

If he cant "babysit" that weekend my mum or friends would step in, im not worried about being able to work, I was worried that I was being unreasonable. Im offering eow not my fault if hes busy that weekend and doesnt see his children.
I look back and wonder why I stayed!

[Whatever21]

YANBU - my ex whinges with a years notice that the 8 weekends per annum I work are too much, inconvenient and my work is my problem not his to cover my childcare issues.

He has them at no other time, no midweekers!!

Some fathers are just class A1 s!

[TheMumsRush]

Not unreasonable at all. That's how we work it, we have kids EOW and mum works, then she's off the next weekend when she has them, both parents get the kids for a weekend then

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

Forgot to add be very cautious about not having a back up plan.

For some NRP's its a bit like a good sport to make out they will and intentionally either not show or be so late you have work problems.

Always have a fall back plan