what about me?

[MistressMiggins]

thats it
look after kids 24/7
had sickness bug recently & no help so really struggled
ex on 2nd foreign holiday but not taken kids away
new bloke I really like has gone quiet since meeting my kids - my kids are lovely even if DS is a little boistrous

might as well become a nun....am I not entitled to some happiness?

moan over....please leave in the unanswered thread - just a blog really

[topmum]

MM - you have my full sympathy as I also have the kids 24/7 - have also had little one unwell with sickness and ran out of sheets, my ex h does not take the kids away and sorry about your new bloke but maybe he just needs a little time.

Think of all the good things you have achieved on your own, you are bringing up 2 great kids, are running a house (on your own) and working - you sound remarkable to me. Keep your chin up even if i haven't responded with any advice.

[Judy1234]

Feel free to carry on. We can add to this...

My ex just finished 9 weeks holiday from school - had 7 year olds for 2 nights at his parents. I took 2 weeks unpaid holiday to take us all away and paid childcare the rest of the summer as I have to work to support all 5 children, me and pay off the divorce debt - taken on to pay him off. He meanwhile can sleep as late as he likes, never gets woken in the night and never even contacts the older 3 children. So the result of divorcing him for his abuse is he gets complete freedom, nearly £900k of (my, in my view) money and I get the debt, the full time working, 100% of the child care (okay some are going off to university etc but they still need attention) and so I get this kind of technical legal freedom from him but what it means in practice is you don't have time to see or meet anyone else and as you can't even say oh the children are with their father every other weekend you can't even offer some man that. My ex has had holidays and never in 3 years taken any of the children on holiday with him.

The other annoying thing is people say oh the children will realise who was there for them but will they realy in 15 years time give you so much appreciation that reflects the impact on you of what you had to give up for them because their father doesn't want to know? I doubt what you get back is enough to justify the sacrifice but there are no choices except to put them in care and most of us wouldn't do that.

[mummymic]

ladies - i have just had a laugh at the moans and groans - i too am in your situation - all the childcare the only one who wipes their nose, and their bum, etc etc
BUT......leaving all that aside...i wouldnt give up seeing my 2 beautiful babies (2 and 4 months) do new things every day, ask for me to cuddle them cos they are next to me, kiss me, etc etc
i know who has the better end of things......that is how i console myself when the little darlings are up in the night either screaming or wetting the bed!!!!!!!!!!
what a life - would hate to be single again!!!!!!!!! (weel just for one night might be good) xx

[MistressMiggins]

I quite agree - tonight I got in the bath with DD (2 yrs 3 mths) and we both washed each others hair -0 I shrieked so loudly that DS (4 1/2) came upstairs (was watching prehistoric bloody park - his favourite thing)....so there we were all 3 in the bath - it was fab.....meanwhile daddy who is obviously either on the plane coming back from this week in turkey & so couldnt phone, or tired & couldnt phone - Monday is one of his FIVE nights to phone - he didnt.

who missed out?

answer very easy.....

still entitled to moan though ladies as only human....

p.s my new bloke was not put off and tried to phone me 10 times last night but the stroppy mare that I am, ignored it cos he phoned after 9.30pm.....he is soooo attentive and it is nice - AND although was v low key, he was good with my kids

[mumtogusnalbie]

I could think of thousands of things that my exh misses out on.
Those sleepy cuddles in the middle of the night when my ds2 has had a bad dream or wet the bed.
Story time before bed when we all snuggle under a blanket on the sofa.
Doing hand, foot, face, arm, let and anything else prints with paint in the kitchen.
Going to the park and playing football with both the boys.
Would I rather be living with my parents and going to the pub every night - now let me think about that one!!
(Thats not to say I don't have bad days when I can't wait for 6.30pm to send them to bed!!)
Chins up girls - who needs a man anyway!!

[mummymic]

how lucky are we with our fab babies? i always look forward to 7.30 when all babies are in bed!! is that mean? does that make me a bad mum? no i didnt think so!!
mistressmiggins get in there with that bloke!! - dont cut off your nose to spite your face - has he got any mates??? lol x

[Judy1234]

Yes, when they cuddle you that's great. I still think the consequences of having to do everything and financially keep them (and the ex) is a bad deal. I suspect my being left with 3 teenagers and the younger ones made it harder - when they've spots and attitude issues etc doesn't always seem quite the joy when their father never contacts them or helps or pays....but the person mentioned who'd called 9 times, that's encouraging. But I do get asked when the children's father has them and the honest answer is virtually never.

[ggglimpopo]

Message withdrawn

[Judy1234]

My ex hasn't physically deteriorated. He is the one with the time and money to look after himself.

Only crumb of comfort when one teenager was at her worst one day she called her father to ask if he could live with him (he has a 5 bed unmortgaged house bought with money I paid him 5 minutes from where we live) and he said no... so at least that was clear. They have to tolerate me.