single parent to teen undoing damage dads caused

[lucydaniels4658]

My DD is 14 and is going through the teen years with a vengeance !She is a typical teen kevin moments mixed with lovely moments. I am finding parenting a teen alone a real rollercoaster would be nice to share my worries with someone help set boundaries make decisions etc . I find every day there is a request i'm nor comfortable with (parties staying out much later usually) or last minute "everyone else is going i need £30 so im not the only one not going". I fear i have made a rod for my own back by over compensating for the fact her dad is useless and has been AWOL for three years with not so much as a christmas card or text. He has always had brief periods of "ive changed" then lets her down and vanishes again. DD won't talk about it which is how i know how crap it makes her feel. She is in daily trouble at school kicking against authority ,refusing work etc . I find although i have boundaries in the house she is so angry at school. I tend to let her have a lifestyle i can't really afford (unfotunatley her friends are all quite wealthy!!) .I know i should stop but i feel so awful for her she is in complete turmoil and i find it hard to share with friends and family as her defence mechanism is anger and then they just end up being cross with her and i feel like i'm always fighting her corner alone. She is very sensible and honest with me in many ways(no boys alcohol or antisocial behaviour bar giving up at school).I have tried counceling but she won't even entertain the idea.

[cestlavielife]

let school handle it - you can talk to them about background issues but some teens with "perfect" family homes will be the same...let school offer her counselling or to buck up..

lots of kids have tough lives, don't put all blame on the situation with your ex; or assume that if he was around it would be hugely different....teenage turmoil may just be general...let go of your guilt.

look at all the positives in her life....take her to visit a teen cancer ward or to volunteer at a scheme for kids with disabilities...

try reading how to talk so teens will listen etc it is americanized but has some good tips.. How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk