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How do you sort contact with a dad who wont budge? (Long post sorry)

2 replies

honey86 · 24/08/2014 18:51

Ds dad is being difficult. Hes abusive mentally, lotsof blaming and gaslighting etc the reason we split. Social services advised me to get him risk assessed by cafcass before he ever has him alone.
Hes been on n off with contact, last one was last month. He hasnt contributed a penny and refuses the contact centre. Then vanishes for a few weeks comes back, sees ds then the cycle repeats. Hes in n out when it suits him.

Hes pulling allsorts of tricks to try to get his way: coercing, lovebombing, guilt trips, silent treatment...

he wants me to go against advice n give unsupervised contact and overnights now no questions asked.

I proposed supervised until he proves he can meet ds needs, get to know him and that i can trust him with him. Then to increase that contact til its unsupervised. He refused.
He wants it all right now, on a plate, wont wait wont agree with anything i say its his way or the highway.

I said well can you at least take it to court. No. He cant afford it cos hes trying to get back his other dc (who hes been denied contact to by his ex). He doesnt see why he has to. Ds is half his so he should get what he wants. he then goes on to rant about women n how soon therell be no dads in the world cos mothers will get rid of them etc etc etcConfused

Ive tried to meet him halfway he doesnt have pr so legally i didnt have to do any of this but i wanted my ds to have his dad. Its now back to silent treatment again. Eventually he'll turn up with the disney dad act til his hate all builds up and he has another outburst.
Lather, rinse, repeat.

Surely a RP is not expected to keep giving out chances when they just get it thrown back in their face? Sad

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queenofthepirates · 24/08/2014 20:20

No of course not. I would suggest that you put everything down in writing from here on. Make sure you address only direct queries about your child and ignore any others. If you have a roughly agreed schedule in place, state the times and places you will make your child available for contact. If you want supervised contact that's fine but consider asking someone else to do it if he is making it difficult for you emotionally. You can make it clear that (for example) three missed visits in a row means you will no longer make your child available for contact without a court order.

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honey86 · 24/08/2014 22:01

I do, so much to write cos of the amounts of issues he causes. I did have 3 other people who did it inc my mum, he burnt bridges with them too. Started bitching about them had rows with them then insulted them to other people saying theyre all crazy. So understandably they dont wana do it for him anymore. He has held that against me since blasting me for sending someone else to contact that shouldnt be there (in his eyes). if i do anything to disappoint him, he will never ever let it go he will use it to blame me for the breakdown in contact.

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