sudden aversion to breastfeeding - feel so guilty

[MammaryLane]

Hello it is my first post here - I'm nervous as hell I'll get flamed. I put this in lone parents as i feel weaning is a different challenge when you are on your own and I think the reason this has happened to me is maybe cos I am so tired...

I am single mum of two kids. The oldest has asd and can present with quite challenging behaviour sometimes, and often refuses bed of an evening, I breastfed him until age 17 months. Then I stopped due to a sudden aversion to breastfeeding just couldn't go on but I now feel really guilty about it as he is the world's fussiest eater and I feel he doesn't get enough nutrition although I try. The youngest is now 19 months and things were going fine til I started working out a couple of weeks ago - quite intensively! - and suddenly I feel nauseous and frustrated whenever she latches on. I feel so guilty but all i want to do is put her on cows milk. Seriously feel there is not even an option of continuing bf!? Trouble is I feel doubly guilty as she is not immunised - no lectures please I have done PLENTY of research - she is an exceptionally healthy and happy child but I worry when I stop feeding it may affect her excellent health....??

Any genuine advice would be much appreciated. about the bf thing and also how to boost a child's immunity after stopping without the use of vacs! I am very well educated on the matter but extra tips never hurt. Please move the thread if in wrong place too!

[MammaryLane]

And tips on weaning would be much appreciated too. I have nobody round here to leave her with so she just cries and cross if tired and wants milk and I always give in. On the rare occasion someone else is round she will sit with them n stop crying the second I leave the room! Weaning must be so much easier with a second adult to help!!

[Middleagedmotheroftwo]

If you hate breast feeding, pack it in. I did, and I have some lovely DDs. They don't hold it against me, and neither does anyone else.
My relationship with my daughters blossomed once I stopped bf-ing. I hated it, and took it out on them.

[MammaryLane]

I guess I am tripping down Mammary Lane :-)

[MammaryLane]

Hi Middle aged mother of two..it is like talking to my doppelganger! Thanks for your advice it nearly made me cry from relief that someone else feels the same.. Did the dcs health remain the same after you stopped bf?

[Middleagedmotheroftwo]

Yes. DDs were fine. They were much younger than yours too.
I started with watered down formula first, one bottle a day and gradually built that up to full strength/every bottle.
I took the same approach when they were old enough for cows' milk.

In my case, DH made the decision for me with DD1. I used to cry every time the baby needed feeding, I used to hate it so much. It was such a relief when he came home one day with bottles, sterilising kit and formula powder.

As I said, my relationship with the baby was shaky up to then. I loved her, but looking back, I doubt I had properly bonded with her. I used to resent being the only one who could feed her, and the time it took, and the pain. No one prepared me for the pain.

Actually, she grew faster once we switched to ff. I don't think she was betting enough from me.

DDs are now strapping teens, and both never ill apart from the odd cold.

[MatureUniStudentGraduated]

I've got four children - breast fed the first, the second had breast milk for 10 days and then was fed via a hickman line in his neck till he was 9 months old - no breast milk, just processed medical protein (he lost his bowels). Third child, I thought "sod this as how do I breast feed whilst getting children to school, nursery" and bottle fed exclusively - that DC has NEVER had a day of illness. Fourth child has ASD and is the pickiest little soul - one day one meal is ok thank you mummy, next day its like I have personally offended him by serving that same meal! We had baked potatoes and butter for 2 months in a row at one stage.

They are all teenagers and working adults now! My point is - throw away the guilt - feed your DC's as you see fit and perhaps as they dictate! They will be just fine - a happy mummy is much more important to them than breast milk or if they eat the same meal every night for a year.

[TrippingDownMammaryLane]

Hey middle aged mother and mature student - thanks so much for your replies! Middle aged mum I can only imagine that relief you must have felt when DH turned up with those bottles... Mature student what you said about asd rings so true for me it's a whole differentsubject, though I must say I dream of the day when ds would even look at a jacket potato with butter - am not even allowed to butter his toast - the only way he will touch potato is chips, if they're the right texture!! Can really relate to what you said about a meal being great one day and not so the next.. Thanks both for reassurance, all the battlefield babies I know thrived too so just gonna go for it slowly but surely with cows milk now. Just wish I had someone to hand her to when she wants bf..being near me is what makes her want it I think..

[TrippingDownMammaryLane]

Bottlefed not battlefield!!

[grobagsforever]

Sorry can't get past the no vaccination part of your post. Breastfeed/don't breastfeed whatever but to wilfully expose your children to life threatening illness? You're also comprising herd immunity which is EXTREMELY selfish. Do some proper research and then get your children vaccinated.

[Middleagedmotheroftwo]

Good luck!

[cestlavielife]

At 19 months no reason to feel guilty at all. Who has them while you working ?

sad isn't caused by breast feeding or. Not. Fussy eating can be due to many things. So long as child is growing and healthy.

[TrippingDownMammaryLane]

C'est la vie..am not back at work yet, shamefully... I never get a break except an hour once a week at gym creche! Will start work when less tired from bf and broken sleep. Genuinely cannot wait!!

Grobags what do you count as proper research? What makes you think I haven't?! I find your post irrelevant and insulting, i've reported it..

[Middleagedmotheroftwo]

Tripping - I would also strongly recommend immunisation. I missed that part of your original post.

What are your reasons for not having DD immunised? Has she had any vaccinations at all?

[lionessmama]

i fed my dd until she was 26months and began to feel like i wasnt enjpying it so much - i really miss it now though! being a single mum.and bf a toddler is exhausting on your body - are you eating well? please get in touvh with the nct breastfeeding help line they give fantastic advice. do.not.feel.guilty.you are doing a great job . i would recommend you post tjis on the breastfeeding mumsnet page too . world health org states children should be bf for a minimum of 2 years so stick with.it if you can . good luck.

[rootypig]

I gave up BF DD at 6mo! and no guilt. The best you can do for you DD is to be happy.

It is absurd to worry about her wellbeing in terms of BF and then toss in the fact that you aren't immunising her. Continuing to BF will have a negligible impact, if any, on her well being. Immunisations could save her life.

[grobagsforever]

Because if you'd done proper research and understood it you would have vaccinated. There simply isn't any reputable research that would lead one to conclude that vaccinations are a bad thing. Not all children can have vaccines and so the immunosuppresed rely on herd immunity. Which you are compromising in addition to risking your DDS health.

Why take the risk? BF won't protect her against meningitis, measles etc.

[TrippingDownMammaryLane]

I mmunisations can also kill, and severely impact quality of life. they don't even work for everyone. I have done a lot of obsessive research, am an Oxbridge graduate in a scientific subject ( don't want to give away who I am by going into detail !) and have researched many peer reviewed papers on the subject, and concluded that the risks from injecting my children with these cocktails of toxic chemicals seem to outweigh the risks from the diseases, especially as not only do they not give full protection, but some have been implicated in encouraging the spread of diseases. The only one I would consider at present is the single measles vaccine as it appears to (like having measles) strengthen children generally.. I am waiting til my daughter is older though. Sorry but I really didn't come here to discuss this anyway, the nhs has managed to kill quite a few family and friends in recent years so I am reluctant to believe what they say as gospel. Really apologise if I have offended anyone but we have personal choice over whether we immunise for a reason. I respect all your choices - would they be the same if you had a vaccine damaged child? Possibly, who knows.. Rant over. My I could really do with that one nhs unit of red tonight :-) does nobody on mumsnet respect a mother's right to choice? I am really upset, have,always lurked here and thought it was a welcoming community

Breastfeeding - thanks to everyone who gave genuine good advice! I am not managing very well to stop, to be honest.... The one I would love to kick is the morning feed, wake up so tired and it just seems to drain me more, the trouble is dd won't calm down until she has had at least a book's worth!

[lionessmama]

trippingdown - you will get much better support over on the breastfeeding board , do try there. the age that your LO is at is very tricky to stop.at. as far as im aware you either do.it when they are a baby or wait.until.later (until they naturally wean). i cannot recommend the nct breastfeeding helpline enough,they sent out a bf counsellor to me on a couple of occasions - as dd gets older positions will need altering to avoid.discomfort. it seems like you are a very caring mum so dont.be disheartened. before you decide to move onto cows milk pleass read up on the endless research into how bad dairy is for you

[TrippingDownMammaryLane]

Hey lioness thanks so much for post, that makes a lot of sense. I really hate giving dd dairy.. I am quite lactose intolerant myself so hate thinking it might give her tummy ache and also she has gives that developed agreed six months exactly when I first introduced dairy into her diet, the doctors refuse to believe the rash could be related to food allergies though and say it is dermatological and just to give her piriton. I am really scared to cut out milk for her though as I drank loads as a kid and have very healthy teeth and bones...Also it is good to get vitamins into dcs who turn out to be fussy eaters.. What are the substitutes? Soya is dodgy..

[TrippingDownMammaryLane]

Hey lioness thanks so much for post, that makes a lot of sense. I really hate giving dd dairy.. I am quite lactose intolerant myself so hate thinking it might give her tummy ache and also she has hives that developed aged six months exactly when I first introduced dairy into her diet, the doctors refuse to believe the rash could be related to food allergies though and say it is dermatological and just to give her piriton. I am really scared to cut out milk for her though as I drank loads as a kid and have very healthy teeth and bones...Also it is good to get vitamins into dcs who turn out to be fussy eaters.. What are the substitutes? Soya is dodgy..

[TrippingDownMammaryLane]

Hey lioness thanks so much for post, that makes a lot of sense. I really hate giving dd dairy.. I am quite lactose intolerant myself so hate thinking it might give her tummy ache and also she has hives that developed aged six months exactly when I first introduced dairy into her diet, the doctors refuse to believe the rash could be related to food allergies though and say it is dermatological and just to give her piriton. I am really scared to cut out milk for her though as I drank loads as a kid and have very healthy teeth and bones...Also it is good to get vitamins into dcs who turn out to be fussy eaters.. What are the substitutes? Soya is dodgy..

[mindalina]

try goats milk if you're not keen on cows? we changed over a while ago and im sure we're all a bit healthier for it. i hate cows milk but find goats much more tolerable. apparently the fat is different so its easier to digest or something

[grobagsforever]

But. ..the fudemental fact is the only reason you not vaccinating your child is 'safe' is because others DO vaccinate and thus polio, measles, whopping cough etc are pretty rare. So your choice is very selfish. Sorry - no amount of research will debunk that fact.

[TrippingDownMammaryLane]

Since 1984 the ONLY cases of polio infection in the uk - 40 in total - were acquired as a direct result of the live polio vaccine. The vaccine caused the illness. Granted this live vaccine has now been ditched.. And I believe there have been no cases here since. So a bit of research could and did debunk the fact that that vaccine was safe. the measles one, as I have told you, I will be in all likelihood giving my daughter before school as a single vaccine. And the recent whooping cough vaccine is not as effective as the live (more effective but riskier) one they just ditched.. Hence all the outbreaks - in which most sufferers were vaclimate I believe..but of course this was blamed on the unvacced not
the change in the vac
I will defo give goats milk a go, thanks for the tip hun! will see where I can get hold of it!

[Middleagedmotheroftwo]

What grobags said.