New single parent, tell me how good it is!

(39 Posts)
Ohbollocksandballs Fri 18-Jul-14 06:45:56

Spend my first night as a single parent last night. Found it pretty upsetting. DS slept better than ever though!

Tell me it gets better?

Lonecatwithkitten Fri 18-Jul-14 08:11:47

You can do what you want when you want.

Ohbollocksandballs Fri 18-Jul-14 08:53:01

And I'll only have myself and DS to run round after. Just feels shit. I love the twat to pieces.

knowledgeispower Fri 18-Jul-14 21:47:19

It does take some adjusting but I love it! Give it a few weeks and you won't look back. You will always miss certain things but just put one foot in front of the other and keep going!

Ohbollocksandballs Sat 19-Jul-14 08:10:58

I miss the company the most, and waking in the night and there being someone there.

Jolleigh Sat 19-Jul-14 22:31:21

I became a single parent 8 weeks ago. It really does get easier. Especially being able to do everything your own way again. After years of relationship, it's easy to mould into an 'easier' version of yourself for the other person. All that just drops away. Want to not clean up after yourself while cooking? Fine! It'll be there later. Nobody will complain at you. And his bad habits that you hate? Gone! No more clean clothes piled into the cot because he can't be arsed folding them and putting away. No more having to get out of the bath 5 minutes after getting in because he suddenly needs a dump that he didn't need 5 minutes before. No more lying awake each night listening to snoring that can only be likened to an elephant being slaughtered.

Jolleigh Sat 19-Jul-14 22:32:47

Though your ex's foibles are probably not the same wink.

Stars66 Sat 19-Jul-14 22:41:28

Sounds appealing. Am thinking of joining the single club...shock

BodyUnknown Sat 19-Jul-14 22:52:14

It's great. Simply life with no compromises. You may from time to time miss having someone to go to the cinema with, or try the new restaurant with, or just have around the house for company - but you will very likely learn to love your new life unfettered by the complications of an unhappy relationship (if that is what is was - and even if you were happy - life as a single parent can be extraordinarily fulfilling). Honestly, so long as you are, or can learn to be, comfortable in your own company, it's just wonderful. You and the small people in your care can live the life you dream of, and I'm not saying it won't require hard work and determination, but the world is yours!

Minime85 Sat 19-Jul-14 23:17:14

It does get easier on a day to day basis I think. I'm 9 months in now. Pleasing ourselves and making whatever noise we like in the house has got to be right up there for positives. Cheaper bills and sooo much more toilet roll! Andrew definitely goes longer now smile

It can still get to you at times but just try and think of the alternative or life before that and it helps.

littleSpud Sat 19-Jul-14 23:28:01

I loved being a single parent. I'm remarried now but it was one of the happiest and freest times of my life

Far better than having twunt ex around grin

Ohbollocksandballs Sun 20-Jul-14 07:56:50

Thank you all so much.

I'm five months in. Although I have the occasional 'have I done the right thing?' wobble, I can honestly say I've never been happier. It sounds really cheesy but I'm starting to remember who I am. I don't feel like I'm being judged all the time, I've lost the constant low-level frustration at being in a relationship that wasn't working, my anxiety is getting better. I've had to force myself to be sociable again & have realised that actually, people DO like me! The initial few weeks were hard but I treated it like giving up smoking - once you've got through it, you never have to do it again! And I don't have to listen to him snore. Or feel guilty that I don't want to have sex with him.

Oh, and I'm going to decorate my bedroom EXACTLY how I want it! grin

Jolleigh Sun 20-Jul-14 09:22:03

Just getting to the redecorating stage here...I'm spoilt for choice!! grin.

Ohbollocksandballs Sun 20-Jul-14 09:24:28

I've been considering redecorating and I'm only on day 4. Starting to feel a but better already. Seriously hurts she. I think of him but this wasn't my choice.

Feel more sad when I think of DS, he'll never get to bath a chubby little 6mo again, he's growing up so fast and he's going to miss out on so much.

Then again, he's the one that chose to leave so really he should of considered this.

Ohbollocksandballs Sun 20-Jul-14 09:25:24

Oh what spelling!! Where do I start...

Bit* when*

Minime85 Sun 20-Jul-14 09:42:09

Exactly op. I feel so sad for my dcs on what they now won't get from family life but he chose to leave. So we will give our dcs the best we can and it will be good enough And it will be ok. They will be ok. So will we smile

I decorated too a bit and it was great to get the bloody job done and it be what I wanted. Just enjoy the time with your ds and there will be low days but they become less

Smilesandpiles Sun 20-Jul-14 14:28:30

RE missing someone to go to the cinema with. It's not so bad when you realise that you go to the cinema to WATCH A MOVIE IN SILENCE! There's not really much point in anyone being with you really.

50-60 odd people all in the same room, watching a screen and not talking. No one will even notice that you are on your own never mind anything else. The first trip you feel self consious but after that and when you realise no one else gives a toss if you are there alone or not..well...going to the cinema becomes a lot more enjoyable.

Why it's supposed to be a social thing I'll never know.

BlackDaisies Sun 20-Jul-14 22:58:53

What I love most is the PEACE!!!! It's very hard at first, but now I'm mostly struck by what a calm, happy and loving life we all have. I guess if you come from an unhappy relationship, then becoming free from it makes life seem pretty good in comparison! It does take a while to get there though, and managing at first can seem quite scary so be kind to yourself. Keep telling yourself how amazing you are to be managing on your own.

Ohbollocksandballs Mon 21-Jul-14 10:00:02

Seriously can you all come and live with me? You can all cheer me up and my little butterball will have plenty of playmates.

Oh and I have posh tea. The one which I was never allowed when he was here...

ShadowsShadowsEverywhere Mon 21-Jul-14 10:48:54

You'll get there OP. Within a week of mine going I'd repainted the kitchen. I've slowly rearranged and redecorated the whole house. We do whatever we want when we want. Whenever we have music on and we get to DDs favourite track we will turn it up loud and dance on the coffee table.

We have who can bounce the highest on mummy's bed competitions. I've randomly decided to keep chickens and just bought the stuff there and then without having to consult anyone. Evenings are my time and I've made a list of things to do for me. From a reading list to studying to learning quilting to some business ideas. The house is much easier to keep clean and tidy. We spend less on food and hot water. I've made friends and when ex has the kids I have whole weekends of seeing friends, travelling and mooching about in my pants eating ice cream!

Yes there are hard bits, I think it's particularly tough if you never get a break from childcare, but you find ways through it and I think you learn to value yourself again. The key is to find time for you and to find hobbies or interests for you. I'm doing the Shred ATM, and working my way through old comedy box sets. I've also got a small sewing project on the go. So when the kids are in bed I'm not just going to bed early as lonely, Ive got lots to do that I enjoy doing.

Smilesandpiles Mon 21-Jul-14 10:49:49

Posh tea?

When and where do you want me there?

MargotThreadbetter Mon 21-Jul-14 13:24:23

Single since I told ex I was pregnant.
I love single parenting, no interference or meddling from ex (he tries, but meh).
We're a little team, me and my boy and he's turning out great!
The only thing I miss is an extra pair of hands to put out the bins, load up the car when we're going away, or...actually, that's it!
It really does get easier OP. Relax and enjoy x

MargotThreadbetter Mon 21-Jul-14 13:26:37

Yes I'm up for posh tea too! grin

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