Mediation advice

[Brightmoon]

Hi, I wondered if anyone could offer any advice on mediation. How much it costs approx, do the mediators offer an opinion etc. I think I want to go down this route with my stbxh as he can be quite manipulative and in the short discussions we've had about access he won't see things from my point of view. Its great he wants to be involved in our ds life but he is only 22 months so I think more frequent but shorter visits will be best so he's not away from me for too long and so he doesn't have to go more than a few days until he sees his dad. However, my ex wants every other weekend from fri pm to mon am (I work on a mon so he wouldn't see me for 3 full days) and then on a tue night as well. My ex left me 6 months ago and has seen our son twice a week at our house as we were still together (he was taking his time to make up his mind about what he wanted). Thanks. All opinions welcome.

[Lonecatwithkitten]

Costs at my local mediation are £50 for the first session and then £100 per person per session for child related matters.
Do you think your Ex will go?
I knew my Ex probably would so I suggested it went for my individual session. He refused to go so I got the FM1 for the court that said mediation was unsuitable as I had attended, but Ex had refused. This held to illustrate to the court that he is unreasonable.
As your Ex isn't a stranger to your DS have you suggested a schedule that builds up to weekend contact?

[balia]

From the way you have phrased your DS's age "only 22 months" I'm guessing you feel pretty protective of your baby right now, and not really over the trauma of the break up. But actually your lo is nearly 2. That's old enough for sleepovers and certainly old enough to be with his Dad out of your house.

I think mediation is a great idea, and certainly better than the alternative. But you do have to go in with an open mind and ready to compromise, or there really isn't any point. Certainly you won't simply be able to make him see things from your 'point of view' - it's more about trying to come up with a solution you can both live with. All the mediation places I know do the first session individually with parents - that might help you clarify what you want out of the process.

I'm sure you know that what your ex is suggesting really isn't out of the ordinary or unusual, so you might be better trying to come up with a schedule to build up to some kind of weekend contact like Lonecat suggests, rather than trying to block the idea completely.

[Brightmoon]

Hi, sorry I maybe didn't explain myself enough. I think overnights should happen but I was thinking at the weekend rather than every other weekend for 2 nights it would be better for every weekend for 1 night so our ds isn't without me for too long and also doesnt go too long without seeing his dad. Personally every other weekend is preferable to me as I see stbxh less but not sure that's good for our ds for reasons mentioned. There would be one evening a week contact as well although not sure about if that would be a stop over.

[balia]

Then I think you should definitely try mediation as you really aren't that far apart - you'd need to start with a single overnight anyway, and then work out how/when to build up according to how your DS copes with it.

[cestlavielife]

mediators wont offer an opinion. they will try and help you both work towards an agreement.

[TrendStopper]

How have you been getting on, did u decide on going for mediation?

I went to mediation a couple of weeks ago for the first time. It cost less than 20 pounds. I went by myself. I explained the situation and what I would like the outcome to be. The mediator was very helpful. I came away from it feeling positive however the battle now will be to get my ex to agree to it. He probably won't because he can't do anything without his wife being there and she is not allowed to be there.