Does anyone agree- help quick ?!

[Blakey3166]

Hi all,
Am I barking mad?
Here's the scenario;
Ex's niece has birthday party up north(we live in London)
He takes ds up there from Friday until today.... But when I call ds this morning he states he's going to be left with "nanna" as daddy is going out.
I speak to ex he says " yeah only for hr as I'm going karting with my brother".

Few things;
1)He's only just starting speaking to his family past year, as his mother ;"nanna" is a raging alcoholic fit for no purpose

2)They live in Newcastle, so doesn't see them often, my ds has only met "nanna" twice. The same nanna who hasn't even acknowledged her grandson down south in 6 years, no birthday cards etc no visit

3) she's a raging alcoholic

Am I barking mad as ex suggests , states I'm being unreasonable because I told him it's not acceptable to me an won't be happening again.
I stated to ex, he has 4/5 nights a week to please himself, he can do what he wants on those, he does not drag my son up north and attend party, then leave ds "for an hr"(which was more like 2-3) in the care of an alcoholic who couldn't bring him and his brothers or sisters up.

Help?!?!

[queenofthepirates]

Ooh tricky one.... I'm afraid I'm going to say you probably do have to butt out of his time and let him parent. You may not love it but unless you can prove nanna is a threat to DS's safety, you are going to be on tricky ground.
Sorry, probably not what you want to hear.

[donkir]

When me and my ex 1st split he had ds 1 Friday night and all day Saturday every other week. This one fri I decided to go out with some family and friends. Who happened to also be out but ex with his mates. He's left ds with nanny. I was not impressed and got in the car to go and collect ds as why should ex have him if he's to busy getting pissed.
Long story short it turned nasty they wouldn't give me my ds and I lost my temper and spent a night in a cell

[Blakey3166]

Thanks guys, I'm totally open to being in wrong-queenofthepirates- I could agree with you slightly but there is a but- this man chooses drinking and socialising over his son(1 week before) he seems to put what he wants to do above having his son.
I don't think having your own son for a full 72 hrs is too much to ask- that's probably the part that bugs me more- he has far more free nights than me, if I'm not at work I'm home with my son- he could "go- kart" - 4/5 other nights/days of the week??!!

[Blakey3166]

Donkir, how could you end up in a cell and they refuse to give you your own son. I would have done exactly the same!!
So what's the moral of the story?! Help

[donkir]

I was willing to come back in the morning to collect ds but ex mil started calling me a useless mum and I didn't deserve to be a mum. I saw red and punched her!

I'd suggest going to a soliciter (which what I eventually did) and have a contract drawn up where by your ex had your dc for said amount of time. He is to soley look after dc and not leave dc in care of anybody else without prior consent by yourself. If he breaks contract then you can go to court and get full access.

Although my ex is still a cock this worked for us.

[Blakey3166]

I was trying to avoid court and it's costs as money is tight.
I think I would do same if I had been in your shoes.
It's so fustrating- all I want is for him to put as much effort into having his son as he does his job and socialising.
It just seems impossible.
Men really are simple stupid impulse satisfy own needs individuals- guess that's why there's far greater single mums than dads:-(

[misstiredbuthappy]

I see where your coming from blakey I would be nervous too if the nanna is a raging alcoholic, is your exa good dad though ? He wouldnt leave your ds somwhere he tthought he wouldnt be looked after would he ?

I would of thought your ex would want to stay with you ds though if he only sees him at weekrnds. Men hey they dont think.

[donkir]

Seeing a solicitor didn't cost anything. We had a firm where I live who once every 2 weeks did free service. You did have to book and was 11yrs ago so not sure if still available. They drew up contract for me for free. Ex signed it and it stayed out of court.

[Blakey3166]

I used to think ex dh was a good dad but I realise I made him into a good dad if that make sense? He had crap parents as role models- an now he's reverting to how they act- self first.
He has him in week too- according to my shift work- but that means since we seperated 9 months ago- we ve had to see each other to handover every day- which if you can imagine has not been healthy.
I've just applied and got flexi working- no weekends 9-5 so hoping that helps.
Will feel more in control of ds 's time and how it's spent.

Anyway I've told the ex he's not taking him up there anymore as I can't trust him to not leave ds there again .
Maybe wrong but I'm not having a "nanna" who hasn't bothered with ds since he was born now looking after him .