I'm currently a Sahm with DCs aged 2 and 4. Returning to work pt in sept. DCs go to their dad eow. However, he called last night asking if he can have them this sat (my weekend) as his bday is thurs (he's seeing them thurs eve) and wants them at his party. When I said we have some plans, I get an absolute earful and he hangs up phone! Why does he seem to think I have them "all the time" so he should be able to dip in and out as suits him? I have friends and family who work too and who I want to see at the weekend! When I asked why he didn't arrange party for the weekend before, when he had DCs, all it get is another earful about how he can't wait till I'm back at work so he can screw me over with access too?! Not sure how he thinks anything will change because I'm working in the week, just means I'm seeing less of DCs too so less likely to give him extra access! All this after I've agreed I'll drop them at his on thurs pm to help him out - an hour round trip for me - no thanks for it.
So then agreed he can have them till 4 on sat so we can still go to our afternoon/eve thing. Also think he only wants them at party to show off as trophies anyway, won't be any other kids there, just bunch of 30 something's drinking all afternoon and evening.
And now get an earful from my DP about how I shouldn't have and should have said no :0( can never win can we?!
If this was me I would have agreed but stated that he needs to be planning much further in advance and negotiating dates etc with you. As I assume it's not the extra contact bit the messing you around that's an issue
Thanks servant. He is always so last minute about everything, it drives me mad. And he assumes that I will always drop everything for him to have extra contact time, I'm not allowed to make plans and if I say I already have plans that can't be changed I get insulted and abused...
Well if this was me, I would have said no and stuck to it.
Like with a child, the message you've given your Ex is that if he gets aggressive and nasty you will cave!! Sorry, don't mean to be harsh but I can see why your DP is a bit peeved (although he perhaps should have talked to you about it at another time)
I try to be reasonable with ex, but if he asks for something with little notice and we have plans its a no. He plays his face like your ex too, but it remains a no.
I have to plan in advance, and plan round my kids, so he's going to have to learn to as well. And it's not me stopping him seeing DS, he does so EOW and we stick to that, but if he wants to have extra then we have to discuss in advance and agree, sometimes it's no, sometimes it yes.
You need to be able to live your own family life, making plans for you and your DC without having to constantly worry about what he's up to. Maybe you should get an agreement about contact written down on paper (maybe use mediation if you have to) which you can refer to, and set out some of this - I have one that I drafted and Ex agreed to.
It's not right that you should be getting insulted and abused, not right at all. Don't put up with it.