Non resident parent threatening to not return son

(16 Posts)
Katietate1987 Sun 22-Jun-14 15:52:30

Hi all

Any advice would be appreciated, me and my little boys dad have been seperated over 2 years now, he sees him once or twice a week for a few hours, he's pretty unreliable cancelling at short notice, late to collect that kind of thing.

Today he has collected him and has text refusing to return him, stating our son (3 years) has told him my new partner has hit him, we have been together a year and half, and he's never really alone with him bar a few minutes here and there, so wouldn't have had to chance to hit him, nor is it in his nature to do so. I suspect his dad has been saying has 'new partner' hit you and our son has just said yes with no real though to it.

Anyway any advice on what to do? I know the police will do a welfare check, he lives in a rented room in student accommodation and has no supplies for our son such as clothing etc. He doesn't pay child support for him either and has never had him stay over night before. Going out of my mind with worry now.

Sorry for the essay, anyone experienced anything similar?

queenofthepirates Sun 22-Jun-14 16:34:43

I think you need to go over and talk to your ex. If there is even the remotest chance he is telling the truth, this must be taken extremely seriously.

Katietate1987 Sun 22-Jun-14 16:47:15

He won't speak to me, refuses to answer me on pick up and hand overs, will only speak with my dad, he's not from the UK, and believes things need to be sorted out between males.

nomoretether Sun 22-Jun-14 16:48:20

Do you have a court order?
Either way, I'd be getting legal advice first thing tomorrow morning and I'd also go and speak to your ex - calmly and without mentioning anything irrelevant like where he lives or child support.

Kids say all sorts of things and if the tables were turned and your son said that your exes new girlfriend had hit your son, I'm sure you'd have a pretty strong reaction too.

WiggleGinger Sun 22-Jun-14 16:49:05

Go alone now to speak to the father and your son.
The first person you HAVE TO believe is your son. Speak to him alone.
Sadly this happened to my DB's daughter and his partner WAS harming the child.
Now I'm not suggesting this is the case here, but what I am concerned about is your child. As sadly the child in my family wasn't believed and it HAD happened.
Clearly you think this is something your ex has made up and that's fine, I would think the same, but the only person you need to talk to now is your child. And do it ASAP!

I hope this is a misunderstanding and your ex just needs a gently (strong) nudge in the detection of "stop being an idiot!"

Katietate1987 Sun 22-Jun-14 17:09:39

No, no court orders in place. Like I said above he wouldn't speak with me.

I know he says all sorts about ex that he doesn't want to see him but when he arrives to collect him he happily runs out, I don't live with my boyfriend, only see him a few nights a week.

nomoretether Sun 22-Jun-14 17:13:27

Then send your dad to discuss it tonight and get legal advice in the morning if it's still needed. You both need to take your son seriously - either it has happened and needs dealing with or it hasn't and your son needs to understand that we mustn't tell lies about people (though I appreciate he is only 3).

Spero Sun 22-Jun-14 17:17:49

I agree you should get some urgent advice. This could end up being both a police and children's services matter if a child is alleging assault by another adult. You may need to get this to court as soon as possible.

Katietate1987 Sun 22-Jun-14 17:24:12

I've had the police around, ex had contacted them. I told them this wouldn't have happened as they have never been alone long enough for this to happen.

Irony of all this is I am infact a social worker, they will be submitting a report to social services about this.

Katietate1987 Sun 22-Jun-14 17:25:41

The police are going to see him now, they came here first. Will speak to a solicitor in the morning

He's never spent the night with his dad so will be confused as to why he is staying there.

queenofthepirates Sun 22-Jun-14 17:39:03

I appreciate this is an awful situation but you're doing the right thing. I hope the truth will out.

Katietate1987 Sun 22-Jun-14 18:31:47

Police just called they advised his property wasn't suitable for our son to stay in as it's shared accommodation and he has nothing there for him, he advised he would take him to a hotel, police advised him this wouldn't look good in court as it wasn't promoting stability for him. My partner has to not attend our home whilst the investigation is on going, however this isn't a problem, just want my son back. He's agreed to return him at 7pm. Thanks for support

BlackeyedSusan Sun 22-Jun-14 22:55:20

ishe back?

Star8369 Mon 23-Jun-14 14:57:53

did you get him back?

WaitMonkey Mon 23-Jun-14 20:44:45

Hope he's back.

starlight1234 Tue 24-Jun-14 13:45:20

is DS home.I hope so

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