Husband introducing children to girlfriend

(56 Posts)

I caught my husband in my bed with another woman on New Year's Eve. He left and told me he loves her. He has told me that he is introducing the children to her tomorrow whether I like it or not, which I don't. What can I do?! I don't want my kids to meet her! I don't want her to have anything to do with them.

I was pregnant at 20 with my DD so I know that not all 20yo's have no experience with children but since she works all hours I'm going to assume she doesn't volunteer anywhere and she definitely has no nieces or nephews. I guess she could have cousins or whatever but still, I don't want her near my children. She's clearly a young girl with no experience of my children. Like has been said previously, she had no concern for my children when she hopped into my bed with their dad so why can she now play happy families with them?!

All I can hope now is that karma bites them both on the butt! I know she had no reason to be loyal to me but she's hurt my children too. She should have left well enough alone when she found out that he was married with children. I can't understand these women who do these things!

mathanxiety Thu 08-May-14 16:52:15

I agree with that assessment of her character, Dozy.

She and your exH seem well suited hmm.

alita7 Sat 10-May-14 13:26:32

While how you feel is perfectly valid, I don't volunteer anywhere now as I'm busy with my degree, but I did for most of my relatively recent teenage years, so you have no idea what she's done up until now.

I've never slept with someone whose married or already in a relationship (though I have with someone whowas thinking about getting into one) but I do think that many people my age are very fickle, I wouldn't use it as an excuse for myself but I have lots of friends who haven't quite learnt how not to sleep with someone they're attracted to. He could have painted you out to be an awful bitch to make her feel it was all ok to do.
I still think he's the arse, though she's not great.

MrsC1969HJ Wed 14-May-14 00:10:10

I am glad I found this thread and EverythingsDozy, I really really feel for you from the bottom of my heart as a parent facing a similar situation. I won't go into the long details of my awful divorce, I have a huge thread of my own dealing with that, but I do have a massive issue with my STBXH introducing my "on spectrum" 3 yo DS to his "girlfriend" mainly because the situation is so screwed up. She had been widowed for a matter of a few months when my husband started an affair with her, a sudden and tragic death, she has a little boy who has lost his father in traumatic circumstances and he tells me that they fell in love over 17 days and he immediately moved in with her leaving the kids and I on benefits, giving up everything lock, stock and barrel to be with her including all his family and friends. I should say this woman had been known to us for around 12 years. She has been incredibly abusive to me via email, although she started off trying to be my friend and offering a shoulder to cry on, even using her dead husband and grieving child to cover the affair. I have been threatened with legal action for "implicating her in my marital difficulties", oh it goes on. We had a solicitors agreement, mainly due to her abuse, that meant my DS was not to be involved with her or her family, something they appear to have steadfastly ignored, including encouraging my DS to call her parents "Grandma and Granddad" and leaving my DS whispering her name under his breath while covering his face and saying "sorry mummy" among other things. Despite reservations of professionals involved in my son's statementing, it appears that there is little I can do. It is such a screwed up situation that I don't want my DS involved in it at all. He has enough problems as it is, too long to go into here and I feel my H should maintain one to one contact only. He, however, wants to slot my DS into his "new perfect family" and carry on repeating the pattern of a lifetime of moving from one relationship to another leaving a stream of messed up step-children in his wake. What the hell do you do? While I accept that you do have to come to terms with these things eventually, I totally agree with you EverythingsDozy that these women KNEW that the were involving themselves with a married man, KNEW that there were vulnerable children involved, KNEW that they were breaking up another family for their own ends but then expect to play mummy to your children when they have done enormous damage and left a trail of broken lives. It just astonishes me, it really does. It is not they who have to pick up the emotional mess when daddy drives off without a backward glance and believe me, I do, every week, twice a week. It's heartbreaking. There should be much more help and support for families in this situation because frankly, I am struggling to find it!

NeedsAsockamnesty Wed 14-May-14 17:10:16

If I were him I would want to be very very cautious

My 14 yo has refused point blank to even talk to dad for a few years now because he did not consider DC's feelings when introducing gf as have his children with another exw ( all adults) he has no relationship with any of his children or grandchildren because of this

brdgrl Fri 16-May-14 09:20:01

Don't assume that she won't be around a long time. People do say "once a cheater, always a cheater" and "relationships that begin from cheating never last" - but my ex-fiance left me for the OW, let's see - 16 years ago? They're still together. No, we didn't have kids. But you just don't know, and sometimes (unfair and shit as it is on our end), the cheaters end up happy together. In which case, the best thing you can do is try to provide a sense of security and cooperation (in so far as possible) for your children. I would find it hard in your shoes not to let my kids know how I felt, and I think you know that you need to not confuse them.

I couldn't keep hold of my husband and now I'm being jealous and stupid about it.
Not stupid, most of us would struggle with feelings of jealousy - and stop blaming yourself! A spouse isn't something we can "hang on to". You know that, really.

In time, the relationship may grow to where your children see this woman as a family member. But if your own relationship with them is strong, they will never see her as 'mum'.

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