What's good is being promoted, how about what's absolutely shit?

(198 Posts)

There are loads of threads saying "it's hard being a single parent, but it's sooooo worth it" etc.
I want one that is blunt and honest and pissed off when it needs to be.

I'll start.

Tonight I want to be dressed up with my best "fuck me" outfit on. I want bottles of corona and tequila shots and mad, sweaty, horrible sex when we get in. Instead I am watching house alone. Nothing wrong with house but I just feel sad.

Bessiebigpants Sat 19-Jul-14 07:40:35

Your local sure start centre will have a range of free or very cheap activities going on all summer that's a good start.Local parks play centres etc have good activities as well.You need to be brave and go along a couple of times then you will get to know people and it gets easier.
The activities I end up getting involved with are not that costly just time consuming and my problem is not saying no I know it's my problem but I constantly feel that I'm proving something what and to who is anyone's guess.

Bessie, I completely get the overcompensating-when me and dd so things they are BIG things.

However, as I have been laid off and am now faced with the first full 6 weeks of my daughter (4yo) since ahe was 9 months... I am petrified. I have no idea. She loves the park, I hate it. I love swimming, she hates it.

I don't know what to do. It is awful. I want to make this a special time for us-I am p/t job hunting so it may not even last the full 6 weeks.

I feel shit because if there were a dad we could so family things where all the pressure to entertain wouldn't be on me when I just don't know what to do.

Bessiebigpants Fri 18-Jul-14 22:46:09

I don t miss the relationship I had,I miss the fantasy relationship I want.Nice bloke who has good job likes the children enjoys DIY or willing to pay if he does nt Does lovely things like sends me flowers buys me little thoughtful things can cook and clean up as he goes along.Organises spontaneous activities as a family and as a couple Does not have an all consuming hobby The shit thing is the longer I spend alone,the more I realise this is a fantasy. a bloke like that is not looking for a almost 40 year old with three children no matter how good I try to look. I would be forced to settle for a hideous fish hugging cretin from OLD.So I struggle on alone working full time and more and never having any money.i just can t be arsed and to be honest do not have the faintest idea how to date never mind the fact I simply cannot afford regular babysitting.Single mums are portrayed negatively so much that we start to believe that we are that shit. I feel so guilty about kids dad not being here I do rediculously over compensatory activitys that wear me out and most coupled women don t attempt just because I constantly need to prove that I'm not shit to the world.Thats what's shit for me.

knowledgeispower Fri 18-Jul-14 21:42:47

Work not qork!

knowledgeispower Fri 18-Jul-14 21:42:03

I would say I've struggled with being a LP. I'm slowly coming around to the way of life.

Today has been bliss, last day at school for dd before the summer holiday. I'm not due in to qork until the week she goes back (serious saving and forward planning!) So with my first of many days off I read, went to the tip. Did a bit of batch cooking and chilled out. On the plus side I can get all my housework done (without being resentful of ex p being welded to my sofa) in peace and do as I plenty when I want. I don't dread coming back to my own house.

Things I miss: sex (despite just coming out of relationship I haven't had any in years!)
Being spontaneous.

I also hate how people feel sorry for you!

superstarheartbreaker Thu 17-Jul-14 20:29:46

Good friends are the key people and also feeling comfortable with solitude. I love my own company. Drinking wine with no one to fight with: bliss. I don't even miss sex. I now have a jungle down there (tmi).
Basically I attract wrong uns. When I think about the pain they inflicted on me being alone is truly blissful. Took me ages to get to ths point though!

Meglet Wed 16-Jul-14 13:50:19

Never having anyone to take a proper photo of me and the dc's. All our joint photos are selfies taken by me. You'd never know I have legs grin.

Even my family won't take photos of me, I'm not sure my mum even owns a camera.

Shitty arsed twat of a bellend sad

How can someone completely make up a life and sell it to someone without being honest?!

Sorry, dd's dad who she has never had contact with has always said that his wife knows that he had a child before they got together, I have just found out she doesn't. This only affects me as I have always said should dd ask to meet him he needs to be agreeable to it-which generally he has gone along with.
Now it would not quite be that simple sad poor dd. She does not deserve this life.
This is lone parenting at is suckiest.

Minime85 Sun 15-Jun-14 08:16:19

Yummy I hope u are feelings a little more positive and things don't seem so overwhelming x

Bigbird01 Sat 14-Jun-14 23:45:13

yummy so sorry you are feeling so low! but I absolutely agree with the others - being in an abusive relationship is no good for you whatever way you look at it.

I left my EA husband last Oct. I feel hideously lonely some days, but I felt lonely when we were together too. At least now the loneliness is through my choice a and not because I have no connection with the person sat next to me on the sofa!

rockpink Fri 13-Jun-14 23:57:40

Yummy, it gets better. Some days it gets better anyway. Somedays I feel like you do, all alone. But you will get through this and you'll come out the other side feeling fabulous and you'll thank yourself for having the guts to have got rid of him. Remember you are worth a hundred of him.
You don't need an emotionally abusive idiot to undermine you and make you feel shit.
It will get better in time.....honest... it has to, that's what I keep telling myself..

Lioninthesun Thu 12-Jun-14 20:48:11

Whoa!
So sorry you feel shit at the moment yummy, but please know that being in an abusive relationship is no life. You will have so many days when you don't want to do it all alone, but you will come through them. You can do everything he could, honestly. Give it time and you may feel like meeting someone new. You just need to work on your own self worth first. Your kids will be so much better off now you are out of the nasty situation you were in before.
P.S - yr exes new relationship won't fare any better. Leopards and spots. She'll be running for the hills soon too. flowers

yummytummy Thu 12-Jun-14 20:40:20

Hi please can I join. Let me be the first person to say I wish I was still in my physically and emotionally abusive marriage. Yes it was shit but I was used to it and at least someone was there to help with kids talk tohug have sex sort out mot take bins out kill spiders etc. Its just too much doing it all alone. I have no support family disowned me for daring to separate and I just dont want to wake up most days wake up crying. Yes it was bad constantly living in fear and pain but stillbetter than this soul ccrushing mind numbing aching loneliness

Also doesnt help that ex v swiftly moved in with some woman v shortly after leaving and after all he did to me how dare he get comfort and intimacy when he doesnt deserve it and its the one thing I crave most? Ex also doesnt pay as much as he should so have financial stress too

Also as others say impossible to meet anyone as no babysitter etc and then one guy I met thought liked me then disappeared after sex. There is no such thing as a nice man anyway but am too young for a celibate life. I honestly just want to die but cd never leave my babies alone

In hindsight life was better in the relationship

Meglet, I wholeheartedly agree with how bad it is when your family undermine you. Some days I don't even feel like a parent to my dd because of it.

Solasum Wed 11-Jun-14 12:46:22

Bit depressed today as I have very unusually been invited to a few parties and a nice dinner but cannot go to any of them as I can't afford yet another babysitter. sad. And even more annoyingly, I have asked ex if he could watch DS, and he won't but will probably go himself and take his new gf. Grrr. I wish I lived in a single parent houseshare sometimes!

Lioninthesun Wed 11-Jun-14 09:25:25

Sorry to hear that Meglet. I guess I always assume having family around is much easier, but not always the case. Hope you feel better today.
I hosted a party yesterday which was nerve wracking but went well. Lots of people wanted to see the new house so had to have everything tidy (a hard feat after the flood!) so had a couple of days of anxiety. Worth it though as everyone is so impressed I designed it that I felt quite chuffed by the end. Not so much this morning looking into the garden at all of the kiddie mess that will take up my nursery hours to tidy/clean. It's like living on a treadmill.

Meglet Tue 10-Jun-14 22:09:09

When your family undermine you sad.

The dc's now know that it doesn't matter what mummy wants / says because Grandma will let them. She doesn't seem to get that maybe if the dc's saw mummy as being in charge (and other adults backing her up) they might take a blind bit of notice of me.

Steelojames Tue 10-Jun-14 20:22:39

Risking a bath when you think DS is and is supposed to be asleep.
When suddenly he wakes and cries the house down and you have to get out wet!!!
That sucks, having a partner around then would def help!!!

Bigbird01 Sat 07-Jun-14 16:17:18

Lion Yes, it is freeing - although I think I got that more when I finally found the courage to tell him I wanted out. I may have had a glass or two of wine to celebrate last night grin

I hope you manage to get your carpet sorted very soon. Once you finally get it all settled it will feel so good - especially because you did have to do it all on your own - and you made it through!! Keep smiling (and taking the wine) smile

Lioninthesun Fri 06-Jun-14 22:42:17

It must have been immensely freeing though as well? Hope you are enjoying some wine now grin.

I had bad news that the carpets will all have to go upstairs (from the flood) despite all of the hard work trying to save them, they have shrunk! Now I have to wait for the builders to get their arses into gear to replace it. Fed up of moving all of my furniture around on my own and not feeling settled sad.

Bigbird01 Fri 06-Jun-14 20:00:14

Oh Lion that was actually him trying to be nice! (And a lot more successfully than he did when we were together!) hmm

Well - I filed my petition for divorce today. What a strange feeling!! It is absolutely what I want, but actually doing it feels so very strange confused.
I came out of the courts feeling utterly deflated. It was such a huge 'event' for me but the act of just handing over the paperwork (no fanfare, no celebration) felt a huge anticlimax. I went and sat in my car and felt, more than ever, that I just wanted someone who I felt a connection with... Who I loved... To put there arms around me a tell me I was ok. sad

Lioninthesun Thu 05-Jun-14 23:14:48

I've just realised that many men may do that 'place-holding' thing. Do they not realise that makes most women they meet simply assume they are not available and thus run a mile if they tried it on? <sorry for tangent!>

Lioninthesun Thu 05-Jun-14 23:13:15

Urgh! No guessing why you left that gem confused but at least he was being honest!

Try to get some sleep and just be relieved he can place hold with someone else for the next few months wink

Bigbird01 Thu 05-Jun-14 23:10:31

Thanks Lion.
Yes - I think there probably was some positioning going on... He was very controlling, right up to the point I asked him to move out. I do suspect there is elements of him trying to regain that control.

He was encouraging me to have a relationship which I know is completely wrong for me in the long run on the grounds that "let's face it, any sex is better than no sex - see it as a placeholder" (His words...). Gave me an interesting insight into the male psyche!!.

Minime85 Thu 05-Jun-14 23:07:38

Sorry to hear that bigbird . My job for tomorrow evening is to organise my divorce paperwork and get it sent off. Hope someone I'm rl can give u a hug soon. Sending u a mnet hug thanksthanks

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