stupid thick as shit ex !

(10 Posts)
misstiredbuthappy Thu 10-Apr-14 20:31:31

Aggggghhhhrrr sorry need to vent. My dds "dad" has just messaged me asking if she needs anythink an could he see her.... he hasnt botherd to see her for two years and before that it was once in a blue moon. Has never bought her fuck all. Has only sent 1 christmas card in her whole 5 years. So do I ignore or tell him to fuck of and fuck of even further ?

starlight1234 Thu 10-Apr-14 20:43:43

Ignore would be my advise..If he is truly bothered let him fight to see her though I doubt he will...

IMO just letting them come and goes amost allows them to drop in and out..if you know what I mean...Although I know this isn't what you want...

Whatever you do do not right f off for the simple reason he may use it against you...He could of wrote it drunk, under pressure from someone else and not meant it.... I am assuming no explanation for his shit effort so far ?

Amytheflag Fri 11-Apr-14 02:03:32

I've learned recently that ignore is best. Otherwise they just stir up the hurt and dick the child about. If it happens again with us, he can go the hard way around.

RandomInternetStranger Fri 11-Apr-14 02:05:43

Ignore. Hopefully he'll think you've changed your number and give up, but could make him try to see you instead.

I'm not one for advising not to allow access, but in this case I would be very, very careful. He's proven he's not reliable, and unlikely to stick around.

Does your DD know who is? If she saw him would she know he is Dad? If not, I might agree to a visit with you present where it is short, and he is not mentioned as Dad, with a view to him slowly building up to that as he proves himself.

However, if that's not the case, I would not allow access and tell him to sort something formally. You can then request something like a contact centre, short visits, building up to more as he proves he's going to stick around.

After all, this is about your DD - and having someone drop into her life stirring things up every now and again is not what is best for her.

hercules1 Fri 11-Apr-14 10:29:14

Actually I think you must say no. If he were serious about seeing her and committed now then messaging you is not the right way to go about it. Had he phoned you and asked to meet with you first to talk and plan his re arrival into her life carefully with you then you could have together taken it slowly step by step. This is a whim he is having with no evidence otherwise.

Cupid5tunt Fri 11-Apr-14 10:30:32

I would ignore it for now. See if he attempts getting in touch again. If he does maybe speak to him and see what his intentions are. If it's another guilt induced flying visit tell him to fuck off. Is it possible he has realised that he has been a complete twat and he's reaching out to rectify or is that hugely unlikely?

It's not fair for people to treat their kids like some distant relative that they can go for years without seeing then turn up out the blue. Do they not realise how difficult that is for a kid?

misstiredbuthappy Fri 11-Apr-14 12:39:36

Yeah dd knows who he is. In her words "I know ive got a daddy but he forgets about me. But your my mummy and daddy so its okay" shes very switched on for her age if you know what I mean. Ive just ignored him. You cant dip in and out of a child life can you. Just pick and choose when it suits.it doesnt suprise me but it just winds me up that he thinks its okay. Thanks for the replys.

WanderingAway Sat 12-Apr-14 23:18:29

I would just ignore him.

You know when i hear about NRPs getting in contact after months/years i always wonder if it is coz they have a new partner and want to show what a wonderful parent they are. But then i am a cynical old fool.

mummyOF4darlings Sun 13-Apr-14 22:20:56

Ignore him. If hes really turned over a new leaf he will go through the prper channels to prove it

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