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Help me laugh… whats the most pathetic excuse for not paying child support?

(174 Posts)
converselover Fri 04-Apr-14 10:45:09

Just had an email… 6 years of arrears, nothing since 2011... a man who earns twice what I do … Apparently he can't pay anything right now because he "needs" a flat in both London and New York he's a bit short on money also he's got to travel to south america this summer and the airfare is really a lot… meanwhile I am struggling to pay the grocery and bills for me and my son.
give me a laugh - is there something worse than this ...

Peacesword Fri 04-Apr-14 11:02:31

My ex couldn't afford it as he was living "hand to mouth". When it came to our court hearing for the financial side of the divorce his bank statements showed payments of around 3.5K to his new girlfriend, an engagement ring of 1K, flights, electrical items, several cash withdrawals of over £100 etc. My barrister pulverised him and the judge came down heavily in my favour and made him pay half my costs.

sezamcgregor Fri 04-Apr-14 11:07:46

I'm hiding. When we were dating, he bragged to me how he had put his flat in someone else's name (it was a lie) and had all of his money paid into off shore accounts to avoid paying maintenance to his first son. I'm not even going to try to get money out of him for mine. £5 per week is NOT worth it.

MeepMeepVroooom Fri 04-Apr-14 11:13:30

What in the world made you stay with him and have a kid?

I'd still go for it, it's £260 a year. A pitiful amount but better in your pocket than his.

I don't even get excuses OP, it's just not paid. The CSA told me that he told them they had seriously overestimated his earnings but surprise surprise he hasn't got back in touch to prove it hmm

sezamcgregor Fri 04-Apr-14 11:25:26

I was stupid.

I didn't realise I was PG until after we'd broken up. I was 20, he was 40.

He wanted "tests" so I took it as an opportunity to wave goodbye. 7 years on nearly and I see him in the street occasionally, he's even had a "hi how are you, yes I'm fine" conversation while I've been with DS but he's never asked and I've never said he's his.

yummystepford Fri 04-Apr-14 11:32:18

I had 2 babies with a bloke 20 years my senior, who sounds similar to your bloke. I wish to god when I first got pregnant I had have done what you did!

sezamcgregor Fri 04-Apr-14 11:39:16

I was on a message board while PG and saw SO many ladies being let down so often by their children's dads who were often too hung over to have the children or not turning up and mums having to explain to their sobbing children why their dad hasn't come to see them. I knew that I had to make a choice and decided that being on my own was enough without all of the added stress! Besides, he was/is an idiot and I am well rid of him!!

I find that now DS is 6, being on my own is a habit rather than a pain and looking at married parents at school who have a husband and get zero support, I'm glad it's just us two!

MeepMeepVroooom Fri 04-Apr-14 11:46:52

My ex is about 20 years older than me too. You would think their years would bring maturity. Apparently not.

sezamcgregor Fri 04-Apr-14 11:54:13

Well, it's funny because when I was 20, being told "whoa, whoa, you can't come here saying it's mine (following around 6-8 weeks of being apart) we can do tests once its born etc" seemed very unreasonable - but 7 years on, actually, it was quite sensible of him, albeit I was about 12 weeks PG and so with dates it definitely was him.

In reality, being 20 years our senior just means he's had 20 years to perfect being a twat.

yummystepford Fri 04-Apr-14 15:21:36

Yeah, I should have realised as he had 2 other children, but believed his side of the story.

He disappeared out of their life for 18 months, and now has them once a month. I offered to reduce maintenance, or do the driving myself so he could see them more. He told me he has other kids to look after now (he had 1 more and a stepson now) and is too old now at 45 to have them an extra weekend a month. All of this he said in front of our dc, aged 5 and 7.

I would never stop him seeing the children, it would be unfair on them. But I think if I had have done it from day 1, overall things would have been happier for them and probably me.

Ex said he couldn't pay this month because he had to pay for the holiday he'd booked.

fedupbutfine Fri 04-Apr-14 16:13:14

I am overweight. My ex's most recent excuse for not paying maintenance is that I will die sooner than him and leave him with children to bring up so why should he contribute when he's going to have to bring them up all on his own? shock

nkf Fri 04-Apr-14 16:16:57

Un fucking believable. I'm so sorry. I guess it's good you can laugh about it. Do you laugh?

StickyProblem Fri 04-Apr-14 16:18:24

Wow Fedup! What a total dick. flowers for getting rid of him!

MikeLitoris Fri 04-Apr-14 16:24:21

My ex says he doesn't have to pay for our DC because if I chose to work I would entitled to benefits. Makes perfect sense doesn't it?

He also thinks that because he pays Ds dinner money/travel costs every other week then he doesn't need to pay anything else.

Just today he has decided that he needs to completely change the agreed contact as he wants a new job. Doesn't matter that I won't be able to work my normal hours and will be a few hundred £ a month worse off.

Utter twat.

Raxacoricofallapatorius Fri 04-Apr-14 16:31:21

My friend's xdh uses every excuse under the sun. He earns 60k a year and goes on holidays abroad 3x a year with his equally affluent wife (no dc of their own), drives a nice car, owns a lovely home etc. But has managed to squirm out of paying money for his dc time and again. Once, he refused to pay the money because a friend of his had seen my friend 'buying a pair of trousers in primark'. Because, and I quote, 'I'm not paying you money so that you can splash it all on treats for yourself'. She was spending £6 on a pair of plain black trousers for a job interview, the only clothes she'd bought in years. This is the same man who 'invoices' my friend for anything he spends on the dc when he's looking after them. You know the sort of thing, food, petrol etc.

misstiredbuthappy Fri 04-Apr-14 19:26:22

My ex said he cant pay child support because he doesnt need to because I work. And because he has other kids too pay for aswell ! Never mind the dd we have together.shitexcuses

fedupbutfine Fri 04-Apr-14 20:38:46

Un fucking believable. I'm so sorry. I guess it's good you can laugh about it. Do you laugh?

hell, yeah! It's been 6 years. He left me in a very vulnerable state (pregnant with two other children under 5) but as the years have gone by, I have picked myself and got on with it and now have my own home and a new career. His life looks pretty crap from where I stand and when you are forced into making very personal comments to your ex wife as a reason for not paying child maintenance, I think it's pretty clear that things are not going quite as well as you expected them to. I laugh an awful lot, not at him, he's barely on the radar. Just that life is good enough for a few laughs now and again.

LadyMaryLikesCake Fri 04-Apr-14 20:40:34

Mine stopped paying because he didn't think that I was grateful hmm

MissPricklePants Fri 04-Apr-14 20:42:47

My ex can't afford to pay as him and the girlfriend are saving up for a house deposit!!

sandiy Sun 06-Apr-14 12:18:38

This from the mouth of an EX friend (female) My bf should nt have to pay maintence because wife and children's mother does nt work and gets almost as much as bf earns in benefits.I was speechless.It is ironic because she gets every penny she can from her ex and she genuinly believes that if as a mum you choose to stay at home with your children it nulls responsibility for fathers to pay maintenance.

LadyMaryLikesCake Sun 06-Apr-14 12:23:15

confused People are so dumb! To be honest, anyone who can treat a child like this has the potential to treat any future children this way so they could be next. Depressing.

CrispyHedgeHog Sun 06-Apr-14 12:30:17

My exh refused to pay because I'd only use his money to go whoring hmm

LadyMaryLikesCake Sun 06-Apr-14 12:35:35

There's a lot of deluded NRP's out there. Don't they realise that maintenance goes towards food for their children? angry If I don't feed my child I'd (rightly) expect to go to prison for neglect. Why is it OK for a NRP to do this?

sandiy Sun 06-Apr-14 13:15:35

Ohhh whoring, I thought that was what women were forced to do to support their children When the children's fathers refused.Silly me!

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