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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Advice please

14 replies

Lovemy3kids · 23/03/2014 09:17

Hi...need some advice.

I've been chasing my ex through the CSA for over 12 months. He won't pay what has been requested by them, he won't acknowledge their letters and when they ring him he either refuses to answer or he hangs up. They have today rang me to say that hmrc can find no trace of him being employed (he dissolved his company recently) so they have said theres nothing they can do.

I've told them that he is working on a self employed basis and have provided them in the past with all the details. They are going to try this avenue now. They have all the info on him, the fact that he has a website with his details on advertising his business, they have google street mapped his brand new house, but we are still no further forward 14 months on.

He sees his 2 children for 3 hours (term time only) one day a week and has them every other weekend. He won't have them during school holidays apart from his weekends.

Part of me wants to tell him that until he starts to pay that he cannot see the kids, but the other part of me knows this is unfair on them. But the fact that he's not providing financially yet still wants to see them is unfair on them too. I have struggled for the last 2 years (only contacted CSA feb 2013) where I have solely provided everything financially for my 3 kids (eldest not his) and I am getting frustrated by his lack of being a responsible parent. Should I risk threatening him with no contact? My conscience tells me not to do it, but the other part of me says to do it. Has anyone else done this?? PLEASE DONT SLATE ME AS I HAVENT TAKEN THIS STEP YET!

Are ther any other avenues apart from CSA that I can take to get money off him? Court....solicitors?? I know I can get 1/2 hour free sessions with some solicitors, but I work full time and I am not near the town centre where the solicitors are to pop in during an extended lunch break. I also haven't really got the funds to pay for a solicitor.

Any advice would be greatly received.

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elliebellys · 23/03/2014 13:10

It is hard.my honest oppinion is give up with csa the stress is not worth it.if he,s determined theres not much you can do unfortunatly.the dcs will know whats what in time.dont deny contact thats just lowering yourself to his level.hold your head high nd forget the arse.

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FrogbyAnotherName · 23/03/2014 15:30

The wheels of the CSA grind slowly, and it helps if you can talk the staff through what you want to happen.

If they haven't yet exhausted all the avenues to check whether he has an income, then that is the first thing to finish. If you have evidence that he's self employed, then it will help the CSA if the HMRC have this information from you - so report him for tax dodging, on the basis that CSA have told you he has no income, but he's got a website etc.

Once, and only once, they have exhausted all income-based enquiries will they consider an application based on his standard of living. But, if he has a DP, then it's going to be hard to prove he is earning and not just living off his DW.

Yes, it's crap. But, DCs are not pay-per-view. At least if he's seeing them regularly he's contributing something to their lives, even in a minimal way - it would be even worse if he was cheating them out of a dad in their life as well as financial support.

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Lovemy3kids · 23/03/2014 16:58

Thank you. I think I'd already talked myself out of stopping him seeing them as I know deep down it's not fair on them. The CSA are going to try the self employed route, but I'd told them all that info 14 months ago as at the time he was a director of the company he's now dissolved and also working on a self employed basis. He dies have a DP who also has 2 children that live with them and he's happy to contribute to them!! It's so bloody frustrating.

I think I will await the outcome of the CSA going down their next avenue, and then do the fraud thing.

So much for it being law that a parent needs to financially support their child!

Could I get a court order to make him pay do you know?

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FrogbyAnotherName · 23/03/2014 17:06

As far as I know, unless an order for CM is issued as part of divorce proceedings, it's not possible. - and even when they are, they are only enforceable for 12 months, then the NRP can seek that CM is administered by the CSA (or whatever they are now).

I'd call HMRC sooner rather then later - it can only help the process.

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Lovemy3kids · 23/03/2014 18:13

HMRC have no trace of him working....the CSA have tried that route already and the name he's trading under now is not a limited company so not registered at companies house either.

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FrogbyAnotherName · 23/03/2014 18:49

Exactly! If you tell HMRC that he is self employed - give them evidence in the form of his website etc, then they'll begin to look into it as hes required to register with them.in turn, what they find out can be passed on to the CSA.

These agencies need help to do heir jobs, they can't police every self employed small business.

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Lovemy3kids · 23/03/2014 19:30

Thank you.....I'll look into that.

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Mintymoomoo · 23/03/2014 22:40

I could of wrote your post myself op!

I'm in the Same position, been going on for over 5 years now with CSA, he works in a garage, buys and sells cars from his drive and drives a conpsny van, have given all evidence to CSA including photo, and still not a penny, they have tsken him to court for the arrears and but a court order on the money but still nothing, everytime I call they say it's with the balieffs!

Don't hold your breathe CSA a wank and can only get money from those in a job who are rolling to pay

It makes me so mad!!! Especially when him and his new wife are swanning around in top of the range BMW and range rovers and going off on holiday every five minutes

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Mintymoomoo · 23/03/2014 22:41

Oh also hmrc are just ask crap provided all the proff to them to and still nothing, even writing to my local pm hasn't done a thing in sorting this out

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FrogbyAnotherName · 23/03/2014 23:01

minty I appreciate it's frustrating but from what you've said your situation is very different from the OPs.

Your ex has been assessed as being liable to pay, based on his income, but he hasn't, so the debt has been placed with a collection agency. He can go back to court and prison for non payment of a CM debt that has been assessed as owed.

The OP, on the other hand, has not yet reached a point where her ex has even been assessed as the CSA have not yet obtained details of his income, so no decision has been made about what, if any, payment is due.

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Lovemy3kids · 24/03/2014 06:59

They initially made an assessment of his earning as at the beginning of this he was listed as a director of a company.....but he has now dissolved the company. At the time, he only told them of the company he was the director of and not the company that he is working under on a self employed basis. He has been requested to pay £33 per week based on his original earnings for his 2 children. He has arrears going back to February 2013. They have told me they were passing it to the legal team months ago but, now they cannot trace him through HMRC, they think he's not earning. At the start of this I told them about his company and the fact he was working on a self employed basis......but they only looked into the now dissolved company.

Minty.....sorry that you are going through this too. I get your frustrations as I go through the same on a daily basis. My ex has bought a house that costs £450,000, bought him and his new gf a brand new car each and a third car to cart all the kids around when they have them. They also take at least 3 holidays a year and are away most weekends when they are child free......yet can't afford to pay for his kids.

I so want to threaten him with not seeing his kids as I know, deep down, that he will start paying! But for my kids, I don't think I could do that :-( xx

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Mintymoomoo · 25/03/2014 22:45

Frogby my ex hadn't been assessed, the arrears are just for 4 years worth of default maintenance that has accrued over time, according to him and hmrc he doesn't work and has no income, he has never once responded to any telephone calls or letters the CSA have sent him! So very similar case to the op! The bolt reason they bothered going to court for the arrears was because I contacted my MP but CSA have already told me that the chances of them ever reviving the money are pretty much nil, unless he decides to ever go back into employment or informs hmrc that he actually does work!

I have sent everyone all the proof, photos etc and have been doing so for the past 5 years and still nothing!

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Mintymoomoo · 25/03/2014 22:48

Makes me mad he can work cash in hand and not pay any taxes yet I have to prove to the benefits I'm still a single mother every 6 months

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Lovemy3kids · 28/03/2014 08:10

It makes me mad too minty as I have to do the same. But what is more frustrating is that I know the life he leads and the luxuries he has, and he still refuses to pay for his own children, but will provide for someone else's kids. My kids have even asked him for shoes, uniforms etc, and he's point blank refused!! Makes my blood boil!! xx