Child maintenance - non payment

(13 Posts)
Narabug01 Sat 15-Mar-14 20:31:10

Have been struggling to get child maintenance from ex for thelast few months as he says he cannot afford it. But recently he has turned up with expensive new things, cameras and a watch.
Am just so angry as his priority is not his children but him - as it has always been!
Financial court order is being organised by solicitors and should be ready to sign soon.
I am struggling to pay for everything at the moment and all i see of him is extravagance and him telling me about going out drinking all the time

Any advise?

MisForMumNotMaid Sat 15-Mar-14 20:40:19

Try tour absolute hardest to cover all essentials in another way so when you do get maintenance payments they're little luxuries and rainy day money.

Dedicate an hour a week to do the chasing emails, letters to solicitors etc. try your best to not let it dominate your life and bitterness or the injustice stop you living and enjoying.

He's missing out on such an amazing experience by being absent. One day his children will see his colours.

Are you getting everything you could get through other means? Have you been on sites like entitled too?

Narabug01 Sat 15-Mar-14 20:57:29

Thanks for reply Mis
Yes can just about cover all essentials but have recently had big expense for the house and also about to pay financial settlement and legal fees etc.
Just really annoyed as we split due to his financial problems. I have always paid for everything.
You are right he is missing out and the children will realise one day what his true character is.

MisForMumNotMaid Sat 15-Mar-14 21:31:27

It does stink. Its not right that certain feckless parents can just walk away and look after no.1. Its a very week area of law but I don't know what the answer is.

My ex used to turn up with little gifts from holiday for the DC yet I had to choose between nappies and formula because he'd emptied the bank to take his new girlfriend away.

Is it possible that your solicitors allow some sort of repayment plan to ease things a bit?

It can get easier down the line. Slowly I found I detached and I'm remarried now with another child. Being settled allows me to step away and not get annoyed just a little more.

Narabug01 Sat 15-Mar-14 21:48:24

Yes they really just think of themselves and almost forget they have kids. I have seen similar chats on this site about it.
Am pleased you have found a decent man to settle down with. Are there any more out there???

Narabug01 Sat 15-Mar-14 21:48:49

Yes they really just think of themselves and almost forget they have kids. I have seen similar chats on this site about it.
Am pleased you have found a decent man to settle down with. Are there any more out there???

MisForMumNotMaid Sat 15-Mar-14 21:59:06

There are lots and lots of decent people about. I guess I'm slightly more cautious when meeting new people but I'd never want to not love and be loved. Lots of characters about too - but even those experiences make life a little more interesting.

The dating threads on here are good for a supportive laugh when you feel you're ready for it. Laughing with others got me through just enjoying the odd coffee out and feeling like an attractive women not just a mum, to realising I wanted a bit more than coffee and ultimately meeting DH.

I found getting all the frustration out keeps bitterness at bay. There's always someone to talk, day and night.

Narabug01 Sun 16-Mar-14 21:04:56

Thanks Mis sounds like there is hope out there!

Approached the subject of child maint with ex today and he admitted he has savings but still refuses to pay the money he owes as the savings are fot something else. Makes my blood boil as everytime i see him he has a new designer shirt on or nee jeans or an expensive camera. Apparently his expensive watch belongs to someone else...he is just looking after it but had to change the strap! All complete rubbish as he just doesn't want to pay any of his precious money to me.

Any advise?? Shall i speak to my solicitor about all this as tge court order hasn't yet been signed

Narabug01 Sun 16-Mar-14 21:10:51

Thanks Mis sounds like there is hope out there!

Approached the subject of child maint with ex today and he admitted he has savings but still refuses to pay the money he owes as the savings are fot something else. Makes my blood boil as everytime i see him he has a new designer shirt on or nee jeans or an expensive camera. Apparently his expensive watch belongs to someone else...he is just looking after it but had to change the strap! All complete rubbish as he just doesn't want to pay any of his precious money to me.

Any advise?? Shall i speak to my solicitor about all this as tge court order hasn't yet been signed

MisForMumNotMaid Sun 16-Mar-14 22:08:06

I don't think you can force him to share savings. I don't even think most people are that successful at getting back missed payments. The CSA always appeared to be happy if payments restart (reading the threads on here). But as you're at the financial settlement phase he may be able to be to subjected to greater pressure.

Do you in your heart feel that pursuing the savings line with your solicitor is likely to actually result in any money? If you think theres a chance then gambling the money you pay for solicitors time is worth it. If you think theres a slim chance, use mumsnet to get the anger out and to get the sympathy you deserve because he's being a manchild.

Meglet Sun 16-Mar-14 22:10:31

Is this through the CSA? If not then it's worth a try, I've never had a problem with them.

Narabug01 Mon 17-Mar-14 13:17:45

Hi mis and meglet
Thanks for replies. Yes i have slept on it and it probably isn't worth the effort or agro to persue. I am having to use my savings to pay him off so just feel really p..ed off that i am have and am going to continue to live a frugal existance while he swans around like money is no object!

Yes csa is an option although i would get considerably less if i persued that option.

Ultimately i just want him to go away but know the kids need to have a relationship with him!

LadyMaryLikesCake Mon 17-Mar-14 13:26:11

The CSA payment, even if it's less that you used to get, is better than nothing.

I had to take my ex to court, he was pleading poverty. His accounts were a joke (holidays, jewellery shops, a second home etc, he'd also rather sponsor a child in another country then pay for his own son to get to school hmm) so I took great delight in pointing these out to the court and they awarded three times his original offer. Looks like I'm going back to court for the arrears though.

See it as a hobby and don't work the maintenance into your budget. Go after him for it though, food for his child should come before anything else and if you don't need it then save it for when they go to uni etc. If the RP did the same they would be charged with child neglect so it's about time the law changed to prosecute the NRP if they do this.

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