I have had a turbulent year. I have moved twice, got divorced, and now have a new job abroad - and I am alone with 2 DC. The job is good but a new start is stressful and the reality of being the sole breadwinner is daunting. I am trying to find us a permanent place to live in. DC are struggling to settle into their new lives and giving me grief. I am having hard time responding in a constructive way to the tantrums. Today DC (6yo) said that I speak to them meanly all the time and behave badly. How do I keep it all together? The more tired I am the more irritable I am, the more irritable I am the worse is DC's behaviour and the moretired I get. It is a vicious circle and I cannot find my way out.
Dc spend every second weekend with their father but on their return I get even worse tantrums so the little rest I get is needed to take the s***t on Sunday evenings. And stories of the new girlfriend. I cannot afford more help and would like to spend nice time with DC but now it is mainly tantrums. Any wise words?
The first thing i would do (had to do) would be to work out what recharges you you..and then try to work out how that might be accommodated in your hectic overcrowded stressful life.
eg if you are a highly visual person staying in bed to rest might be necessary but it would not recharge your batteries as effectively as walking for 20 minutes in beautiful countryside or looking deeply and long at a flower or sketching/photographing.
if you need to connect with adults then "knit and natter" would be better than a run on your own with your ipod
If you are an introvert then isolation might be what you crave...craft/diy/running book etc.
Sometimes it is possible to make 10 minutes count more by using it wisely for your "type".
Next work out what feeds you...what can other people do to empower and help you (easy non-time consuming things)do you have someone who will tell you the good things that you are doing for you and DC? Someone who will spend time with you every now and then(just a coffee...nothing long), someone who might send you a bunch of daffs every now and again, someone who will help with a particular task someone who will give you a hug?ASK them to do it. It won;t be a big burden to them...even someone in another country can have a skype coffee with you once a month..
lastly, this is a highly stressful time and you are doing well...ask yourself is everyone alive? Is everyone fed? Do we have a roof over our head? If yes to all above consider your day a success and allow that tomorrow will be a different day.