Just realised how much of a lone parent I am.

(35 Posts)
ReallyConfusedDotCom Sat 01-Mar-14 12:51:57

We hear about secondary school places on Monday evening. The only other person who is slightly interested is my boss at work and that's only because we sit near eachother.

I have a nonexistent relationship with my mother and have recently been pushed out of my group of friends by a bully. My other close friend is too wrapped up in her own life to realise what's going on with me.

How do you make new friends? I have tried a few things, but keep hitting a brick wall.

I'm in the same boat RCDC, had parents' evening 2 weeks ago for my DD and noone to discuss it with since then.

Friends and family all have their own things going on - it feels like a very solitary existance atm.

thanks

ReallyConfusedDotCom Sat 01-Mar-14 13:41:38

Thanks for your reply. I know what you mean about the parents evening, nobody seems interested.

I'm trying to be a positive as possible as I hate feeling like this, it's horrible.

How did the parents evening go?

It went really well - DD lacks confidence and thinks she isn't doing well in most subjects. Its a constant now that her teachers will say "you're better than you think you are" at x. Her GCSE grade predictions are v good and its refreshing for me to hear it when both DSs always had "could do better" and "late homework, easily distracted" etc. Sadly my XH has never attended any of her parents' evenings, very few for DSs too - because I insist on going!

So what's the situation with school places? I know how stressful that can be.

LizLemonOut Sat 01-Mar-14 14:02:57

It's one of the worst things about being a single parent, IMO. Sorry you're feeling it, OP, ans whattodo. Re making friends I have no idea, would be grateful for any tips too

ReallyConfusedDotCom Sat 01-Mar-14 14:27:07

Whattodo, thats really good about your DD's predicted grades and hopefully her confidence will grow. I think it's typical with DS's at school, most of them do better when they leave school and go to college or start work.

My first choice of school for my DD is very difficult to get into, although she did well on the test, unfortunately from my research I don't think it was enough. So we will be happy with the second choice and at a push we wouldn't mind the third choice. I did get really stressed at first but realised its out of my hands now.

Hi Liz, its horrible. I have tried several things like contacting book groups (as I enjoy reading) and Gingerbread for local groups. The person who runs the gingerbread group never seems to reply to me, I'm not sure why, maybe shes really busy. The website meetup also looks really good, but unfortunately theres nothing close enough to me that I'd be interested in.

LizLemonOut Sat 01-Mar-14 14:44:15

The problem for me is who looks after DD if I was to go to bookgroup or whatever. I'm not very good at making friends anyway, very shy and never seem to say the right thing. It's really hard.

Would it be possible to contact the members of your friendship group other than the bully and see if thwres any chance of rekindling the friendship?,

ReallyConfusedDotCom Sat 01-Mar-14 15:21:42

I know its hard, I'm shy as well so it doesn't help. I know what you mean about saying the right thing. How old is your DD?

I can't really contact them now. The person I thought was my best friend let it happen. I tried speaking to her several times but it didn't work. I keep seeing the pictures on facebook of them all going out and meeting. It was horrible and I just need to get over it now.

LizLemonOut Sat 01-Mar-14 15:38:20

Sorry about that, really, so upsetting. I've just had a similar thing happen, I've sort of been phased out, it seems. DD is 2. How old is your DD?

ReallyConfusedDotCom Sat 01-Mar-14 16:04:09

That's a shame that you been phased out, some people can be so nasty. My daughters 10. Have you consider your local Sure Start centre, if there is one near you. The one I used to go to when my DD was the same age as yours was really good.

LizLemonOut Sat 01-Mar-14 16:23:41

I tried them when she was younger but I just didn't fit in. Everyone was a bit too yummy mummy and I'm too young, too poor and too not-married :-/ its the same at things like library story time sessions and toddler swimming etc, I stick out like a sore thumb.

How about the other close friend, could you have her over, try to open up to her a bit?

LizLemonOut Sat 01-Mar-14 16:23:42

I tried them when she was younger but I just didn't fit in. Everyone was a bit too yummy mummy and I'm too young, too poor and too not-married :-/ its the same at things like library story time sessions and toddler swimming etc, I stick out like a sore thumb.

How about the other close friend, could you have her over, try to open up to her a bit?

OP, re the schools, you're right, it is out of your hands - and actually that's a good thing really. It's one of those situations where things usually turn out for the best. You'll know in a couple of days and can start planning for it. Hopefully it'll be your second choice if not the first.

I've been to several meetup groups and while everyone has been really friendly, its been quite a mixed bunch and it takes a lot of courage to keep turning up at places where you don't know anyone eg walking into a pub on your own and looking around hopefully - you lose the will after a while.

My DCs are teens and at this point you have little or no contact with other parents at school and I work from home so that's solitary too - I keep applying for jobs but nothing's happening so far.

And here I am on a Saturday evening - everyone else is having family time or out doing things! sad

Liz I'm sorry to hear you're finding it difficult too - one of my DSs mates has a gf with a young baby and I can't imagine how difficult it is for her to try and keep in touch with friends when you have a baby and everyone else is at school/college/working - it must seem like a different world. thanks for you too smile

LizLemonOut Sat 01-Mar-14 18:36:40

Thanks whattodo, I'm 26 so probably a little older than your DS's friend, it can be hard enough being my age with a child, so no idea how she manages if she's in her teens. Most of my friends aren't parents yet and it can be very isolating as they just don't "get it".

The thing about some groups you join, whether its a book group, single parents or whatever, is that you all may only have that one thing in common which can make it difficult to build more than just an acquaintance with anyone

I agree. Looking back, so many friendships and relationships seem to evolve through work, where you get to know someone slowly and gradually build up a rapport. Otherwise it could be at ante-natal classes for example, but I'm not sure they often last long, through school etc - there are so many variables - social, economic etc etc. And now with social networking, we can chat to each other, but its very distant and random.

AnnieOats Sat 01-Mar-14 20:16:55

Can I join in. I'm exactly the same. I was part of a group of friends who used to go out about once a month then husbands came along and then it became more couply sort of outings so I ended up sidelined.

I've tried to make friends but because I'm shy and lack self-confidence seem to try too hard and end up with being used and making all the effort.

LizLemonOut Sat 01-Mar-14 21:02:16

Hi Annie smile

ReallyConfusedDotCom Sat 01-Mar-14 21:19:45

Wow this thread has got busy.

Liz, I went to a really posh group when my daughter was first born, I was only 23. They were really nice but I felt so out of place. I feel so hurt with what has happened and luckily I won't have to see them for much longer so its probably best not to bring it up again.

Whattodo, I imagine it gets harder as the kids get old as they start doing there own thing. It sound silly but I hate the weekend's (not the lay ins) as I'm not busy and see hardly anyone. I prefer to be at work so at least I'm busy.

I can see what you both saying about the groups, I just don't know what else to do. I would be happy just meeting with a friend once a week for a coffee and the odd text, knowing someones there if I needed a chat.

Hi Annie, of course you can join in. I have been used in the past and I think when I started saying no to all the requests it didn't help. But I'd had enough.

misstiredbuthappy Sat 01-Mar-14 21:22:34

Can I join in too ? smile iknow how you feel I sometimes feel like me an dc just exist and nobody understands. Or I get the feeling people feel sorry for us, we dont need sympathy .. fine as we are but to take an interest in our lives would be nice. I try to make friends at the school dd has just started but as she never went to nursery there I get the feeling other mums dont want to know me.

ReallyConfusedDotCom Sat 01-Mar-14 22:15:02

Welcome Misstired, my DD went to a different nursery to the school so I found it difficult at first. I think school mums can be really cliquey so nobody else gets a look in.

What about your DCs friends? Are the parents friendly?

Hi miss and Annie smile

I've often found it difficult being a new face in the group, especially at school, it feels as if you're being watched and judged... I tend to stay on the outside of these groups and chat to others who aren't in the clique. Some of the bitchiness I heard really put me off.

You're right about the teen DCs, OP, all 3 of mine are out this evening, quiet house.

misstiredbuthappy Sat 01-Mar-14 22:25:39

Not realy. The way I think of it is though there all realy cliquey whereas im not like that at all ill talk to anyone. So there not worth getting upset over. Ive got a few friends that have dc. Always me that has to make the effort though. Are people at your dc school still cliquey ?

misstiredbuthappy Sat 01-Mar-14 22:29:25

Most of the parents at the school are alot older than me aswell (im 24).

ReallyConfusedDotCom Sat 01-Mar-14 22:49:54

Some are quite cliquey, most aren't too bad. After all thats happened I try to avoid the school as much as possible. Luckily half the week my DD goes to after school club and I just drop her to the gate the other days.

LizLemonOut Sat 01-Mar-14 23:04:53

"I would be happy just meeting with a friend once a week for a coffee and the odd text, knowing someones there if I needed a chat. "

Yep, I can totally relate to this. Someone getting in touch so see if I fancied a coffee or something, would be so nice. I could go from week to week without seeing another adult if I didn't get to playgroups and things with DD (work from home!) and there i mainly feel out of the loop, too shy or worried about saying somethign stupid yet again to really chat to people.

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