Fuming!

(40 Posts)
Prforone Sat 01-Mar-14 02:13:07

In shock over what my DD told me earlier this evening and if I don't "air" it, I may implode!

ExH reduced the amount of contact he has with DD (9) recently to just EOW (previously every Sunday, every alternate Saturday and one night in the week). Turns out that on her weekends with him, he dumps DD on his mum on the Friday nights so he can go out. Drops her off early Friday evening, then collects her Saturday afternoon.

He has 12 other fucking nights off inbetween when he can go out. Is Friday night out with his GF or mates really more important than spending quality time with DD?

Wanker! angry

smudgerxxv Mon 17-Mar-14 17:36:52

Lol. I love how u completely dismissed the point of my ex,s behaviour. Thats this site through and through. U do realise that womens lib happened to break up the family unit and double income taxes. When was the last time y heard a guy boast about being a " full time dad " milli tant

Monetbyhimself Mon 17-Mar-14 17:43:07

You are so right Smudgy. So articulate. So strong. Such a real man. I wish I had a man like you in my life grin

Bwhahah, look at the loser!

Monetbyhimself Mon 17-Mar-14 17:53:26

Solid don't be mean. Am trying to pull this one. Long time since we had one as feisty as this wink

clam Mon 17-Mar-14 18:01:23

Your ex's behaviour? No idea about that. Perhaps she won't send clothes because there's a history of them not being returned? Or being returned dirty, for her to wash?
What has her remarrying or having 2 incomes got to do with you providing financial support for your children? CSA is not for her, but for them.
Anyway, I'm not a single parent - I happen to quite like my husband, who is a thoroughly decent chap, so I have no personal beef on this subject.

As you were...

smudgerxxv Mon 17-Mar-14 18:12:41

Lol and u wonder why he left u

Monetbyhimself Mon 17-Mar-14 18:14:10

He left because I threw him out and changed the locks wink

smudgerxxv Mon 17-Mar-14 18:17:13

Lol and u wonder why he left u

Monetbyhimself Mon 17-Mar-14 18:22:22

There's an echo in here.......

smudgerxxv Mon 17-Mar-14 18:26:39

Wow just wow. U just will not accept that there are females who abuse the system. Am gobsmacked. Each time u presume its in the females favour. Wow. U have no idea the hell I have went through to see my daughter and ensure she has a relationship with my youngest daughter and is a firm part of my family with me and my wife. Court appearences and a grovelling apology from the csa. My life firmly put on hold career wise till my daughter grows up. Thats the thing. Mothers get it handed to them on a plate. Dads have to fight for everything. U think I dont hate dads who dont bother about there kids. Of course I do . But for every bastard of a dad there is a whore of a mother whos motivations couldnt be further from the childs best interests. U just wont admit that

STIDW Mon 17-Mar-14 18:30:16

smudgerxxv, if you start your own thread about your ex's behaviour and/or full time dads rather than highjacking someone else's thread/issue I will respond if I see it.

Monetbyhimself Mon 17-Mar-14 18:38:13

Dear me you ARE an angry little pixie. Have you ever sought counselling for your issues ?

clam Mon 17-Mar-14 19:56:49

Hmm, well if you're also calling your child's mother a whore, then is it any wonder she's not your number one fan?

arob3837 Sun 23-Mar-14 21:05:21

I am sick of his lies, he moved straight out of our home into her house and still has not told me!
He has taken my upset confused little boy and shown him the new bedroom where daddy stays with this woman!
My child thinks daddy is going to take him away from his mum and has since slept every night with me!
I have to admit I don't mind and actually love all the extra cuddles.
Neither his father nor the desperate Doris that he has taken up with have shown any concern for my 3 year old boy's feelings in all of this.
This vile little man has not only cheated on me but on his own son.
My son does not trust him and frankly neither do I.
This so called fantastic father as he believes himself to be know only pays his half of the mortgage as advised by his "solicitor" so why the eff should I let this selfish prick play happy families with my miserable little boy?!
I don't want his dirty money, I just want him to leave us both alone. They are treating it like a game, once they have my little boy they have no interest in his well being and think it of no concern to collect him late and drop him off late tired and hungry as they only want to feed him one meal as they'll go off for a lovely evening on their own.
While I deal with a distressed overtired 3 year old who is hungry but too stressed to eat a proper meal.
I really do think that reducing contact is the only Answer as they are a selfish pair and do not consider the consequences of dropping off a tired hungry little boy after 6pm.... I don't even know where he is or who he is with!
it breaks my heart and I just want them to leave us alone, at least till my boy can make up his own mind!

STIDW Sun 23-Mar-14 23:07:49

arob, I can understand how upset you are but looking at your post a lot of it is your issues. Sadly for whatever reason your relationship is over, but because you have a child together it's likely the father will be in your life until your son reaches maturity at least. Your ex is autonomous, he can move to anywhere he chooses, with whom he chooses and he doesn't have to tell you. Oscar Wilde once said it isn't selfish to live life as one chooses but it is selfish to expect others to live as one chooses. It isn't unreasonable for you to know where your son is staying at night but perhaps your ex doesn't want to tell you because he feels he can't trust you in your current frame of mind.

Your child is three and way too young to understand about the new bedroom where his father and the OW stay. Money and contact aren't related. Children often need time to settle when their parents separate and it isn't at all unusual for them to be stressed, tired and hungry after contact.

YOu are the constant in your son's life and if you react badly to the separation and his father your son will pick up on the vibes. It isn't at all uncommon for children in these circumstances to feel insecure and untrusting and cling to the constant. There is very little that is more harmful to a child's emotional wellbeing than the conflict between separated parents.

What children really need is for at least one parent to have a realistic measured view and forgo the determination of "who is in the right" and "who is in the wrong" and put their interests first. COunselling could help you deal with the pain and anger you are clearly suffering from and a mediator could help address some of the issues you have about the care of your child. If you reduce contact it is likely to escalate into a court battle and make matters a lot worse.

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