just need to offload

[muser31]

i am having a really challenging time.... my dd hasn't slept well for months. it has been getting worse, and she had been getting up many times a night for her dummy, so this week i decided to do away with it (shes 2.5). its been awful... sleep has got worse and ive resorted to calpol temporarily (don't worry i am not going to be doing this every night, more like when im totally desperate) to get a better few hours sleep. i hope its just her getting used to not having the dummy and she will begin to settle again, but she is wanting to start her day at 3am etc. at the minute i go into her room and lie down with her till she falls asleep. if it continues i think i will get a stair gate to go across her door and do some form of cio although ive never been a fan of this approach and never really done it with dd ( i did a lot of pick up put down type approaches)

anway the other thing is her behaviour. its just the normal terrible 2s, but everything is a fight, everything is no, im doing all the right things by picking my battles and letting her do what she can herself but i am just finding things SO wearing between that and the sleep. i feel so depressed sometimes! and anxious! i don't want to go on antiD, been on different types before and they all kill any motivation i have left to do anything.

i just needed to offload i guess. my car broke down too and today my ex came to pick dd up and was late and i lost my temper with him. she had been crying at the door etc and he made stupid excuse about traffic, and i said he should leave enough time for traffic, and he said him being late was 'trivial'. yeah, i know its kind of trivial but not when youve had the night like ive had, when dd is crying at the door, and when given his history of being late he has slept in and forgotton 3 times before causing me to be late for work, so i was ready to get the pram and start walking. i feel awful for losing my temper as i had promised myself i was always going to remain calm and collected and maintain the higher moral ground when dealing with him, but it just didn't happen this morning, and of course being angry and upset makes you even more tired.


anyway writing this is more for my sake to get it out than anything else, but thanks for listening. i just wish things would get easier....this age is a killer i am finding my dd so so demanding and honestly it would put me off having another if i had the opportunity even though i would have liked more.

[mumtobealloveragain]

Do you mean you are giving your daughter Calpol when she's not sick in the hope that she sleeps better?

I really hope I read that wrong. I think you must know that's unacceptable.

[muser31]

she has been drooling constantly to the point where i am putting a bib under her pyjama top to stop it being soaked through. i don't like giving calpol but i am giving it for both these reasons, i have used it 2 nights the past month. i don't think this is unacceptable. she is not sick.

[muser31]

and thanks for the support.

[mumtobealloveragain]

I'm confused. Are you saying she is ill/teething? If not what do you think the Calpol will do?

I have a 3 month old baby. I know sleepless nights, you have my sympathy!

[muser31]

she is teething, calpol helps her sleep. i don't know why you are confused sorry if i have not been clear. i used the calpol because i knew it would help her sleep. it has the double effect of helping her teething. (Yes this should be vice versa but my priorities are sleep because we are both desperate) 3 months is hard but understandable. 2.5 years and she is still acting like a newborn...

[mumtobealloveragain]

Ah I see. You didn't mention anything about teething in your OP Nothing wrong with Calpol if she's teething and in pain, don't feel guilty. I don't think Calpol helps them sleep by making them drousy- will help her sleep by stopping her being in pain though.

[foolonthehill]

Sometimes life is just relentless and you feel that there will never be light at the end of the tunnel but this will pass and you will have easier/better times (and probably some worse/harder ones too). Comfort your self that you are doing the best that you can in each circumstance and try to use the time that you do have wisely.
Make some decisions about sleep training...it's hard but the end result will be worth it for you both...you are tired and so is your DD. Helping to teach her to sleep through (by whatever method) is a life skill she needs to learn.

losing your temper is human, apologise if you need to and move on.

Calpol won't help her sleep unless it's helping with discomfort/pain in which case you could give it to her more regularly. Back teeth really hurt when they are coming through.

Good luck OP and hang on in there...i have 4 , none of them were good sleepers but now they are loder and that, at least is easier

[muser31]

i didn't mention the teething cos it was sleep that was the issue and i don't usually give calpol for just teething, as i said i did give it for ulterior motive and i know people can judge me on it but maybe they have not felt the same desperation i am feeling.
maybe it doesn't make her tired and you are right it is just the pain relief helping her sleep.

thanks fool im just so upset haven't stopped crying today. i really just need this stage to be over

[foolonthehill]

it feels never ending....but it does end.

be kind to yourself

you are a good mum and you will be ok

[findingherfeet]

From what I can see on MN, it's not just our two year olds that are testing! Seems perfectly normal, just blooming hard work for us parents!!

If she was sleeping badly with dummy then it makes sense to get rid I think, you'll be so pleased once it's gone I imagine....I'm terrified of getting rid but telling myself that as my DD sleeps so well with it I'm hanging on till she's 3 - no doubt just prolonging the agony!!

Does she nap? Eat well etc?

[onemorerose]

I feel for you, its hard on your own, tbh I think the ex being late probably made everything else You were expecting and depending on him there and he wasn't? Did you say how long you had been separated?

[muser31]

thank you fool, mum is taking her this afternoon and i hope i can get myself feeling back on track.

finding yes i would have liked to leave her dodo in longer too and not go through this but as you say the only reason is that its causing such a problem at night. i think it will be harder at the start though as she can't get back to sleep without it and wants me to lie down with her. i really hope im not trading one bad habit for another. i am thinking of getting a stairgate put across her door and just telling her she needs to go back to bed and letting her cry a bit.. will talk to hv about it will ring her today. don't like doing this its so hard to know the best thing to do.

onemore yes it was just the last straw him being late i was ready to get the pram and she was crying at the door and it just sent me over the edge. we been separated for almost 2 years....we are starting marriage counselling next week, i don't think there is much chance of us sorting things out, but we have never went through our issues, so im hoping i can just go through with a divorce as a result of it all as the 2 years will be up in the summer.

[SushiForBreakfast]

Muser, I feel for you! I have been there! I am a single mum to a little girl who is almost three. We also went through tough sleeping times...

For what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing re the dummy. Hopefully by removing that dependency your DD will sleep better in the long term... It may take time, but you'll get there. I also used to lie down with my little one (still do) but worth it to get her off to sleep. They are still tiny - she won't need you to do that forever. And I still think that is better than your little one continuing with a dummy at night - she will wake if it falls out and start rummaging around!!

Also, I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to occasionally have a whinge at your ex. He needs to know how hard it is! Especially if he turns up late after (one would imagine) an uninterrupted night's sleep. Also please offload on friends and family - it is hard. sleep deprivation can be crippling.

Chin up and hang on in there. Hope it gets better for you soon. X

[SushiForBreakfast]

Ps can you give yourself a night off? Can anyone have DD for a night?

[muser31]

thank you for the encouragement sushi... i hope your little girl is sleeping better now shes that bit older. yes i will be giving the ex some whinging in marriage counselling next week....no doubt it will make him glad to know im struggling and he won't offer any help... but we will see. to be honest i think i just want a divorce, i don't think theres anything he can do now, hes hurt me that much. my mum is keeping her overnight tonight, im so glad, im so tired im just sitting on the sofa....

[Jollyb]

Calpol (paracetamol) doesn't have any sedative effect. This is often mentioned but it is not true.

Hope things get better for you soon.

[GEM33]

I don't think it's bad if she have cal pol just to help dd sleep. I know people who give their kids travel sick medicine coz it makes them drowsy. I've got a dd who is 2 just over and has never slept through and if she only wakes 5-6 times a night that's a good night. No one can say they understand sleep deprivation on that scale and for that long unless they've been through it and what lengths it would drive you too.
I completely sympathise op. You have my complete support. I understand. And it makes me feel bitter that my ex has full nights sleeps and doesn't have to go through any of this any more. I could scream at him. And the least they could do is turn up on time xxxx