Why do they lie?

[Anonymai]

What do they get out of it? The latest is he hasn't been in touch for six months because he's been depressed and cut himself off from the world. His facebook (yes I know!) would suggest otherwise. Oh, and he stopped some of dds money (an extra couple of £ above the minimum he had to pay) because he couldn't afford to live. Hasn't stopped him buying his expensive hobbykits.

I know I shouldn't check his facebook but I nearly fell for this shit so I'm glad I checked. I just feel so THICK for believing him. I just feel sad for dd because he's such a fucking liar.

What do they get out of it?!

[Quoteunquote]

reaction,

Stop giving him one, eventually (probably too late to repair his relationship with his daughter) he will realise he has missed out deliberately.

Then he will want to blame,

remove yourself from being the one he pushes against, don't push back, just give him relevant information, and let him dig his own hole.

[Anonymai]

I don't respond to him anymore. He gets no reaction from me other than silence. That's what makes it so bizarre. I'm beginning to think he genuinely believes his own bullshit and in his mind he's the hard done to dad who isn't allowed to see his child when the reality is completely different. He's actually started bullshitting my family now too. Bizarre.

[summermovedon]

I think they use their 'depression' (aka going out partying with friends regularly, but too bedridden to visit their children) and lies to alleviate their guilt feelings for just being totally emotionally detached from their children. That way they are trying so hard to be super dad but are stopped because of ... (difficult ex wife, distance, money, illness - delete/add others as applicable). The fact that it is all fantasy is irrelevant, as they start believing their lies.

[foolonthehill]

mine believes his own lies (even both of 2 contradictory ones said on the same day) that is why he was an impossible husband and dad but also why he is so convincing to those who know him outside our relationship.....

one of my friends suggested he has"an evolutionary relationship to truth" ie the thing that suits and gets him what he wants most of the time is the one he sticks with...like the wader with the longest beak is most successful at eating ].

[starlight1234]

Because it makes it hard to carry on when you are honest with yourself and say..I am far too self centred to be a good dad and ave no plans to do anything about that ..

[Anonymai]

Those are some good points, thanks! It must make it easier for him to feel like a good dad prevented by me from seeing dd rather than looking at what the truth is and accepting that he doesn't bother at all. I suppose it makes him look better to his friends and family too.