ex offered to pay school fees but once more contact-help!

[ROZ12]

Hi all,

what should I do? Are the issues connected ? Should I give in?

He already has every other weekend, mid week break which he wants to turn into overnight and half holidays. I disagree as high will be starting my DD needs more stability and organise herself not added overnights. Also most of all she doesn't want more contact she wants to reduce. he has threatened court if I do't give in?

Advice please!!!

[Anonymai]

Money and contact aren't related in the eyes of courts. A man who pays no money can see his child and a man who pays thousands might not see his child. Don't let him blackmail you with that old tactic!

[Monetbyhimself]

Let him threaten all he likes. If he walks into a coutroom and explains that his children are pay per view, he'll get a short shift out the door!

[ROZ12]

Hi posters,

Thing is he may change his story in court and just say he want the contact. He is very crafty.

Will the judges are to overnight mod week at high school age?

Let me know

Thanks

[Monetbyhimself]

The childrens wishes and feelings will be taken into account.

[ROZ12]

ok then my poor DD will have to attend she has enough on her plate-life is cruel and she only 10.

[Monetbyhimself]

No the childrens court officer or Cafcass officers will speak to the children prior to any hearings and then do a report. The children are nowhere near the court.

[FrogbyAnotherName]

Is your DD's Dad paying any child maintenance at the moment?

If not, apply to the CMO (formally the CSA) to ensure he pays a minimum towards her everyday costs.

Is she at private school at the moment? Can you afford to continue with the fees without her Dad paying? If not, then you may have to consider moving her to a lower fee or state school; it's not a good idea to rely on maintenance from an ex to pay for expenses that cannot easily be dropped - he could stop paying at any time, even if he agrees now.

What reasons are there for limiting contact? If your DD's Dad is abusive or neglectful, then her reluctance makes sense, but if she is just unsettled by the split and struggling to adjust, she may well be more open to contact with the support of some youth counselling or similar. With your support, midweek, regular overnight contact need not be disruptive - plenty of DC's adapt well to a regular routine between two homes, especially as they get older and can make their way between homes themselves.

Try not to worry about court - there is a lot of good information on the internet about the process if you are unsure. You'll be expected to consider mediation, and you may well come to an agreement with your ex there. If not, the court may ask you to attend a Separated Parenting Course, and will ask CAFCASS to speak to your DD, and then the court will make a decision about the best way forward.

[russianfudge]

What are her reasons for not wanting to spend more time with her dad? It sounds like he has an interest in her welfare if he is willing to pay for education.

Maybe more time with him wouldn't be such a bad thing? She's getting to the age where she can probably handle more time away from you. I think it's more when they're little that the professionals prefer a more fixed residence with a smaller amount of contact with the NRP.

What is it about her life that is hard, Op? Sounds sad