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single dad. advice on introducing kids to new girlfriend

(58 Posts)
paulos103 Mon 16-Dec-13 18:19:07

Hi all, single dad here looking for a bit of impartial advice as me and my ex are at loggerheads.

We separated earlier this year and we have 2 kids, a 7yo boy and a 4yo girl. We weren't married, not that I think that is relevant.

A couple of months ago I met a new girlfriend and we've become very close and I would say we are at the start of a serious and stable relationship. She's been divorced for a few years and has 3 teenage daughters who I've met and we all seem to get on well.

I have my kids 1 night midweek and most of the weekend so I'm now in a situation where I want to spend time with both the kids and my new girlfriend at weekends.

My ex is dead against this and has suggested we need to be together for a year before she'll let it happen. This sounds mad to me and I'm not prepared to go along with that.

With the Christmas break coming up, this seems to be a perfect time to introduce the kids to my girlfriend starting with a couple of short meetings on a neutral venue such as a soft play area and building it up from there.

This doesn't sound like I'm being selfish does it? I have my kids best interests at heart and wouldn't introduce them to someone I thought was just a casual fling, but I also have my life and happiness to think about as well.

Advice welcomed. Thanks

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 31-Dec-13 22:32:18

6 months after deciding to be serious would be my minimum.

AnnieOats Wed 01-Jan-14 11:25:41

He could see the girlfriend on weekdays if his weekends were 100% full of children. Small sacrifice to make for a while to ensure the children aren't disrupted even more.

Assuming his girlfriend is free during the week. She might have her children during the week and be free at the weekend.

Then you'd have to wonder how they even managed to get to the point where they have been together a couple of months and are very close, wouldn't you? If they got to that point without involving the children, it could carry on that way a while longer for the children's sake.

AnnieOats Wed 01-Jan-14 17:03:56

Not really. Circumstances could have now changed and that's why he's wanting to introduce the children so that he can continue seeing his girlfriend.

But as the op hasn't come back we can only speculate.

Spero Wed 01-Jan-14 17:08:08

I agree with all who say six months minimum.

the new partner issue has potential to cause enormous problems. it is just not realistic or sensible to say that an ex should just 'grow up' or 'get over it', especially if the ex did not want the relationship to end. Introducing the children to the new partner can be incredibly fraught and needs to be handled sensitively.

after six months you have shown you are probably staying the course, it will be less confusing for the children if not introduced to a succession of short term partners AND you have great moral justification for gently pointing out to your ex that it is no longer his or her business.

TwerkingNineToFive Wed 01-Jan-14 17:19:11

I agree 6 months at least. It's inconvenient for you but the kids come first and seeing their dad with a new woman could be upsetting for them.

bigfluffybum Thu 09-Jan-14 14:42:29

I think your ex is right, you need to think about the impact these this will have on your children.
you say

I'm now in a situation where I want to spend time with both the kids and my new girlfriend at weekends.

and also

but I also have my life and happiness to think about as well

It comes across to me that this is about what you want rather than thinking about what is best for your children. Also because of the fact that you have met your new gf's children after such a short amount of time, she obviously does not share your ex's view on things so you will probably be hearing from her that these views are unreasonable.
I agree with what others have said, your children will not want to share you at the moment and you need to consider things from their pov. If things are not dealt with properly it can cause a great deal of upset.

DarkKnight123 Thu 09-Jan-14 21:22:14

Hi Paulos - You have a partner and are part of a family, its natural that you would want your children to share in that. Personally, I think two months is a too soon, but your the parent and have to make the judgement call. The six month mark sounds to me about about right and you could use this time perhaps to plan a couple of one off outings where the kids and and you and your ptr meet up at say the bowling or wherever so they can slowly get used to each other.

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