Ex escalating control over DS life

(3 Posts)

Hi, looking for some advice. Long backstory but I am now nearly finally divorced after a long protracted battle. We have a court order for finances but have "informally" reached an agreement over DS. The trouble I have is that ex is very controlling and makes all sorts of arrangements for DS without informing me. DS sees his dad alternate weekends and I night during the week, so I am primary carer particularly when it comes to dealing with day to day and school. Ex receives all details from school, attends any event etc so he is NOT excluded from DS daily life.

However we were asked to arrange a dyslexic assessment so whilst I started to research locally who might be appropriate, ex arranges an appointment and I only find out by chance. DS told me tonight that Daddy wont take him to the bi-monthly dyslexic childrens group that I had arranged for him to attend as he has found a better one (it seems as if this is a tutor). Group is a social support group for the kids and it is 6 sessions a year. How do I get ex to stop crossing the boundary?

He is currently criticising the art class DS attends and that I can laugh about as DS loves it. But he is so easily influenced by his dad (age 8) I am worried he will stop going. I am not trying to push ex out of DS life, but do feel that he is gearing up for a court battle and this is all about trying to prove that he is the better parent. If I could trust that the court would see through this posturing I would relax more.

betterthanever Thu 14-Nov-13 22:21:06

Are school not looking at the dyslexic issue? and if not is he keeping school informed? My friend's DD has someone specialist who links with the school on this as it has to be worked into all her classes and not something that is done seperatley? she says it works really well. If it is just social let this one go, I fear the more you fight the more he will fight - you have your own things during your own contact time, I know it isn't ideal but concentrate on them.

On the art class, just let what he says go. Maybe engage with him less as what he says winds you up. His posturing to you will only work if he can do it. he can have his opinions about anything and you can have yours. He may feel like he has to tell you about his I wouldn't bother replying to him it is what you and DS discuss that matters.

starlight1234 Thu 14-Nov-13 23:19:55

Are you having much contact ..is this information coming back via son or directly to you?

If these meetings fall on his weekend not much you can do about it...

RE art club and a suspect many similar issues...Rather than debating with DS the rights and wrongs..just tell him we all like different things..Gives him an argument in his head to continue what he enjots

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