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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Court in the morning

17 replies

Pumpkinpie11 · 12/11/2013 22:54

Hi all,
My first post but I've been hovering for a while.
I separated from my STBXH exactly a year ago after a very sour argument. To cut a long story short my DD was very very poorly and I was failing to perform my 'duties' as a wife. Upon refusing to comply I was spat at and so I pushed STBXH off.
When we split he left the family home and took 2 children with him - so he'd get a 3 bed house!
After lots of terrible issues over contact he decided one day that my DS (then 3) is half his so took him.
I applies to the court for a contact/residency order to ensure that the police can return the children to me if he does it again.
We had the hearing in the summer. At the time I had arranged contact every weekend, one night in the week and half school holidays. When we got to court he had no legal representation and told them he couldn't cope so the contact was dropped right down so he sees each of them (split) for 2 weekends a month.
Tomorrow we have another hearing and he has been granted legal aid on the grounds of donestic abuse - apparently he was depressed so he got the GP to confirm that it couldn't be proven it wasn't caused by abuse!
Now apparently he'll get a larger settlement in the divorce if he has the children more (7 kids + him in a 2 bed house) and he thinks he can get the house too.
He was given contact with our youngest at the last hearing but has only seen her once for 20 minutes.
Does anyone know what happens when parents disagree?
I don't think he should continue to split the children up most weekends because they are having no chance if growing up together.
Plus - I've been nice - he's not exactly top dad!
I'm worried about this dragging on because I've had to donate my Christmas fund to my solicitor!!

OP posts:

Report

starlight1234 · 12/11/2013 23:10

I don't know what will happen but want to wish you luck

Pumpkinpie11 · 12/11/2013 23:36

Thanks starlight.
I was hoping it might kick start a CAFCASS investigation because I'm sure the difference in parenting ability will show.
I think from the way he talks he thinks it will be like some kind of law & order/CSI style hearing. I'm not sure I agree!!

OP posts:

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 12/11/2013 23:40

If there has been no social services involvement then CAFCASS might get involved. The timescale for that report could be anywhere from 3 months onwards. The current status quo regarding where the children live is unlikely to be changed but there might be some discussion about contact.

Pumpkinpie11 · 12/11/2013 23:52

Thanks Moose, that's reassuring.
The only SS involvement was him having a number of checks, one being a 'spot' check because there were welfare concerns about when he had the children over. The police made several SS referrals so I guess either way it's good for me.

OP posts:

Lonecatwithkitten · 13/11/2013 07:44

Have you kept nice clear records of when he should of had contact and when he actually had contact? My Dad worked for many years in the family court and he has advised me to keep good records.

Jux · 13/11/2013 08:56

Good luck, Pumpkin.

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 13/11/2013 11:44

How did it go?

Pumpkinpie11 · 13/11/2013 21:56

It went OK and contact was increased to include half school holidays but I made it clear to my solicitor I'm not prepared to pay STBXH to have them (which I have been doing).
Given that at the last hearing he declared he can't cope with them all at the same time I think he's probably set himself up to fail but that's his problem.
I have been keeping records but sadly there was no I treat in them!
He also said he wants to use my car when he has contact with me paying tax, servicing, insurance etc. we had 3 cars and he has run 2 in to the ground since we separated (previously worth about £5k each) through lack of maintenance and the remaining car I have looked after very well. He is now refusing to transfer the car I have kept into my name because he wants in in the divorce. I should add that apart from thinking he's a twit for wanting everything at my expense I need the car for my DD who he doesn't have who has cerebral palsy.

OP posts:

starlight1234 · 13/11/2013 22:40

He is having a laugh isn't he..You are separated...he needs to sort out transport , support for the children..

Make sure you document everything...I went to mediation with Ex and when I pulled out the calendar stating every date contact hasn't happened and reason he got very arset but also knew I had lists of failed contact.

It is you that need to make them available for contact his to make it work

Pumpkinpie11 · 14/11/2013 10:36

Starlight I always make them available.
I think his request for more contact might be linked to him hoping he'll get a larger settlement in the divorce. Although at this rate the house will be repossessed as he's refusing to authorise me to speak to the bank as everything is in his name.
He actually thinks I should 'get a job' and pay him maintenance.
I'm going to phone my solicitor (more money!) to try and establish what I can do when he fails to comply - I couldn't sleep last night because I felt bullied in court to let him have contact increased despite the fact he has never stuck to anything and admits he can't cope!

OP posts:

betterthanever · 14/11/2013 23:19

Don't feel bullied OP, you sound like a reasonable person in relation to the contact. You were willing for him to have it before just not all the fringe benefits he thinks comes with them. Just make the DC available for contact as you have always done, it is all you have to do - try and not engage with him regarding anything else. Maybe plan (not tonight) what you can reply that is not rude but firm regarding his requests for the fringe benefits. Sleep well tonight x

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 15/11/2013 20:19

Do you have a Residence Order?

Pumpkinpie11 · 15/11/2013 20:42

Hi
Yes I do have a residence order.
To follow on today I went to drop my LO off for weekend and despite knocking on the door loudly for several minutes his dad didn't answer and wasn't there.
What a plonker! When the order was issued we were read a 'warning' stating that failing to comply could result in prison, fines etc and he fails to comply after 2 days.
I bet they never lick anyone up for ruining the PWC's plans for a weekend away!!!

OP posts:

betterthanever · 15/11/2013 20:57

He knows OP that the failure to comply only relates to you. They will never fine him for not wanting contact. I can understand it isn't right to have DC with people who don't want them.
What the court can do is down the line if this continues vary the order as it is not in the best interests of the DC for this to keep happening. All you can do for now I guess is keep making them available until a legal person says you can take it back to court for a variation.
Enjoy your evening with your DC put it behind you and forget about it until next time.

Cantabile · 15/11/2013 21:58

Make sure you diarise it though. This time and every other time.

iwantanafternoonnap · 16/11/2013 17:37

The failure to comply is in regards to both parties and can result in contact being reduced but not necessarily a fine. It is for both parties since 2008.

He sounds awful. If he can't look after all the children at the same time then he won't get the house.

betterthanever · 16/11/2013 23:42

Iwant yes technically it is for both parties but as above you can't make someone have contact so I don't think anyone has ever, in the history of the world gone to jail for not having contact but I may be wrong. I hope so but I doubt it.

Contempt of course is another matter and NRP do go to jail for that.
But it's not really the issue at hand.

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