Quick background ExH left me for OW who was mum to another DC in DD's class. Other DC then pinch and punched my DD over about 3 month period, but it was eventually after I told ExH he had to man up it stopped. ExH and OW continually treat the DC differently and will tell them important things at different times leading to I know something you don't know type behaviour.
I have expressed concern about them remaining in the same school (though they are now in different classes) and am actively pursuing this despite ExH and OW being vehemently against this and criticising my decision to anyone who will listen. They believe the girls are 'best friends'.
So tonight I have had an email from school saying could I go into school as my DD has been 'unkind' to the other DC and is involving other children - lets face it, it is consistent and targeted so it is bullying isn't it. I am of course going to go into school and see them and will work with school to stop this.
Previously experience tells me that under OW's influence ExH will believe that's hers and his behaviour having nothing to do with this and that it is all my fault. I have never criticised them to DD and I have not in anyway alluded to DD that their relationship existed before we split.
What I think may have precipitated this behaviour is that I now struggle to attend school events as sometimes OW is there with ExH and sometimes she is there with her H who knows everything! I find the hypocrisy of the situation so upsetting and I also suffer anxiety attacks about it. I am a very private person and find that the whole playground is speculating about my life really distressing. Even school have described the situation as intolerable and they support me removing DD as they feel some distance would help. I have tried for 18 months to attend events hold my head up high and maintain my dignity, but I can't do that any longer.
I have worked so hard outside of school to build a new life and I don't suffer in any other situations ( I run my own business employing 17 people).
I am upset DD has done this, but do believe she is capable of it as I think she is just so mixed up. She has counselling at school, so that is being done.
Could I have avoided this should I have done anything different. What would you do now?
Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.
Lone parents
What do I do?
Lonecatwithkitten · 12/11/2013 19:15
I think it is unfair that you have to deal with this alone TBH, it puts you in a very difficult position. I would ask the school why they have only asked you and say that it would have to be something you made a joint descion about. You never know if it causes him trouble he may suggests he moves. At least it isn't long until she will move to a high school, that may solve some of this. Poor you and DD 
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
It just makes me feel that all the effort I have out into making things good for DD has been futile.
I know that feeling lone I try to turn it round. YOU HAVE done all you can into making things good for DD - you can't do any more than that. try not to let their actions distract you from your life and what you do with DD - which some of the time may be impossible but try as much as you can.
When are you speaking to the school?
When speaking to DD I would maybe explain to her that when someone is mean to you it does make you want to be mean back to them but that makes you as mean as them. You know how hard that is and can empathise with her - all she can do is the same as you and that is be the best she can be. If it were not this incident she would at some point have to learn this life lesson. We know as adults it is hard to do sometimes.
Sorry I have started to reply several times this afternoon, but work has taken over.
Prior to going to school ExH phoned to say he had spoken to school and it was all fixed.
So it is really bad. It start with verbal nastiness in the playground and then yesterday she posted a photo on Instagram, with a derogatory comment. School as you can guess are taking this very seriously my meeting was with the head and deputy head of the Junior School. As yet she has not admitted that she has one this, but we have moved from it wasn't me to it might have been me, but I can't remember.
We had a long chat we all feel unhappiness at the route of this and there has been bullying me too I get screamed at, hit and kicked. This they feel is because I am the constant in her life and she can throw all her feelings at me without any risk.
So ExH phoned again tonight and I have enlighten him to fact that it is most certainly not all fixed. That school feel unhappiness at the root of the problem, ExH then said oh well she is always so happy with him so he doesn't think that. So I took an enormous deep breath and told him that DD had voiced to me that she felt that he preferred OW and her DC to DD. That based on that comment I would guess that she is scared that if she expressed her unhappiness to him he might choose not to see her again. ExH said 'well that's not true' I pointed out that it may not be true, but it is how the 9 year feels. He asked me what he should do and I said if I was him I would set aside a considerable amount of time to spend exclusively with DD ( when he moved out the first time DD stayed with him OW and her DC was there too).
The only good thing is that school absolutely agree that DD and the DC should not stay in the same school. They will do everything they can to facilitate a move.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.