today is my first as a lone parent

(17 Posts)
Minime85 Fri 08-Nov-13 19:29:35

my dh left today. dds will see him again Sunday. feel numb. when will it hit me? dh job meant I was often on own anyway. I'm nervous about the coming days, weeks and months for all of us.

KingRollo Fri 08-Nov-13 21:04:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

starlight1234 Fri 08-Nov-13 21:10:42

I think these things take time..It is the little things that you struggle with I found the harderst but also found it much easier without Ex...

Foucs on today don't plan too much right now...

I have been on my own for over 3 years now and really not sure I would want a man living here now...We are quite happy on our own

farrowandbawl Fri 08-Nov-13 23:33:54

What helps massively is to be prepared for the worst days.

Keep the medicine cupboard stocked up, calpol, plasters, ibruprofen, co-codamol etc AT ALL TIMES.

ALWAYS have loo roll, milk and bread in the house, keep it in the freezer if you have to.

Youtube and a good set of tools will become your best friends.

Budget, budget and budget again - this is actually easier when you have full control of finances - try to keep something aside, no matter how small.

Do something that's just for you - cinema once a month, gym, swimming, running, walking, anything that's just for you and away from everything.

These, I have found are the five most useful things you can do for yourself to make life easier and it will get easier.

Minime85 Sat 09-Nov-13 06:53:07

thank u. farrow I will really try and take your advice. I was always good at budgeting until this yr so have some debts to pay but hoping to get sorted in next 12 months.

got to go and see a solicitor too. dds went to bed ok last night although sad. a day at a time is how I'm looking at it with some nice things on the calendar to look forward to.

FarOverTheRainbow Sat 09-Nov-13 06:56:39

So sorry your going through this OP. My XP left about 7 weeks ago now and you have to just take it a day at a time. One minute I would feel okay then the next I'd be crying my heart out wondering where it all went so wrong and how would I cope I love him and all the rest. I'm glad to say I'm in a much better place now so it does get easier! Do you have RL support?

plum100 Sat 09-Nov-13 06:57:30

Morning Minime ,

How old is your dd? You sound very strong - was dh leaving on the cards already? You soubd like you have done lots of thinking - hope your 2nd day goes well xxxx

Meglet Sat 09-Nov-13 07:09:39

If you work or the DC's go to nursery / a childminder then make sure their childcare knows what has happened so they can help support you.

Maybe plan something to look forward to after Xmas? I find it tough going if we don't get out for the day every so often. Taking us away from the daily grind keeps me sane(ish).

I've been on my own for 5yrs now, it is hard but you get used to it and it's better than being in a bad relationship.

Minime85 Sat 09-Nov-13 07:13:55

far over yes thank u I have amazing RL support. its keeping me together mostly. I started a ft job 9 weeks ago after pt for nearly 8 yes then all this hit the fan.

I do have hopes it is the right decision, it wasn't what I wanted but I needed a decision as couldn't live the life I was in any more.

this new reality is my life. I didn't think it would happen to me.

Minime85 Sat 09-Nov-13 07:18:26

plum100 thank u. I think I am but then it hits me if I think about the 13yrs together or anything else to do with DDS too much. they are 8 and 6 and have taken the news as well as I might have hoped. bless them. tearing their world apart has been horrendous.

things had been rough for a while. but I didn't know it would all happen in the end so fast. glad its all out in the open now. I was on my own with kids most weekends and 70% of evening a month anyway so I am used to that.

its just there not being anyone to come home or share experiences with I'm dreading. no one to hug u. and my lovely dds. its so unfair on them.
thank u for your messages.

FarOverTheRainbow Sat 09-Nov-13 11:33:58

It's good you have RL support, use it as much as you can. I find it helped so much being around alot of people. Sometimes it would drive me mad but I'd only sit at home crying.

That's what I found the worst to accept. Someone to eat dinner with ect.. But now I can watch my own rubbish on TV and if I want to watch a soppy film ect I can, just little positives to look at.

My XP hated DDs toys being out f the toy box in the evenings and now I don't have to panic if there not away straight away so sometimes I smile to myself and think oh well ill leave them out tonight

FarOverTheRainbow Sat 09-Nov-13 11:34:12

Do you have any plans for today?

losingtrust Sat 09-Nov-13 11:50:54

My best advice given to me by my Dad recently widowed. Accept all invitations to go out, for help. People like to feel they are helping. Two years in for me. Happy kids, solid job, happily single and really enjoying life.
Your friends will tell you to see a solicitor, fight for yours ASAP. Don't, take your time - let the dust settle until you and ex can be reasonable together and agree without solicitors apart from advice. Far better for the kids but above all far less bitterness for you. Oh and budget always but allow yourself a blow out now and again, it's only money.

losingtrust Sat 09-Nov-13 11:52:32

Oh and eating dinner with the kids is great fun.

Minime85 Sat 09-Nov-13 16:09:38

thank you losing trust.

yes over rainbow I have had a busy morning with deliveries and trips into our town centre. now doing homework and seeing a cherished friend later. thank u

Minime85 Sat 09-Nov-13 16:10:18

hasn't hit me yet but know it will.

FarOverTheRainbow Sat 09-Nov-13 20:37:44

Losing trust gave you some good advice. If you can't trust your ex to be reasonable then IMO there's no harm getting a free half hour at a solicitor just to know where you stand, you don't have to do anything with the advice but at least you'll have some knowledge

Glad you've had a busy day.

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