A bit early I know but I am already stressing about Christmas!

(22 Posts)
babyseal Tue 24-Sep-13 21:17:23

Lone parent to ds5 and dd2, my first Christmas not spent with their Dad. Just agreed with exp this week we will split Christmas down the middle, with him having them Christmas eve until midday Christmas day this year, then swapping next year. Now, getting through Christmas eve and morning without my babies about is a whole other thread, but what I am really worried about is spending Christmas afternoon and evening just the three of us. I feel like it will be boring for them, and not very special. My son is a very fussy eater and there doesn't seem any point even cooking Christmas dinner. Spending it with other family is not an option.

Has anyone done this? How do you make the day really special?

calmingtea Wed 25-Sep-13 07:32:24

Why is it not an option to spend it with family/friends? Because of distance and your split of the Christmas days, or other reasons?

You sounds quite depressed about Christmas. I was wondering if it was linked to the above?

If that is the case, and your family live further afield, I would suggest that the half a day on Christmas Day might not be the best solution, and that you alternative each year instead?

babyseal Wed 25-Sep-13 10:31:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kinkyfuckery Wed 25-Sep-13 12:08:12

If Christmas dinner isn't likely to be appreciated, is there a favourite meal that they would both eat? Christmas dinner doesn't have to be turkey and veg! Anything that will be eaten, appreciated and reduce the stress is fine!

If it were me - and what I'd love to do, instead of having to see everyone - I'd revel in blankets on the couch, munchies and Christmas movies. All afternoon.

Just do something special that the three of you will enjoy - bugger if it isn't a traditional Christmas.

babyseal Wed 25-Sep-13 12:51:52

Ah, the simple ideas are the best... a whole afternoon under a blanket watching Muppet Christmas Carol, heaven!

On the food front, not sure I can face one of DSs favourite meals for Christmas dinner weeps at the thought of ever having to eat fish pie fishfingers or spag bol ever again as there are only 3 hot meals he will eat.

Sasquatch75 Wed 25-Sep-13 14:33:37

What about buffet food like cocktail sausages, sausage rolls, cheese and crackers, dips and carrot sticks, choc fingers, crisps etc? I'd do the blankets and movie thing too! smile

HerrenaHarridan Thu 26-Sep-13 12:51:49

I second what your mum said about single mum Xmas (although from your mum it must be Pretty hurtful)

I'm having a single mum friend over for Xmas, she really does have no one and this isn't her country of origin, when I invited her and her dc over for Xmas she burst into tears.

This will be my second Xmas as a single mum, last Xmas we split up about 4 weeks before and things were fairly violent and hellish, I spent Xmas 400 miles away in the town I grew up in and serendipitously ended up spending Xmas with a different single mum friend who had been stood up

Both were great experiences.

Have you been in touch with gingerbread in your area?

babyseal Thu 26-Sep-13 15:40:54

Christmas picnic under a blanket sounds good smile.

No Gingerbread local in my area, and although I am very sociable I am not sure if I want to spend Christmas with strangers, I would rather just spend it with close friends / family (or just the kids). I only have a couple of single Mum friends, one spends it in France with her Mum every year, and the other the other side of the country with her Mum. It is not a bad idea, but from my Mum and in the context it was put in it made me go shock.

Herrena how nice for your friend to have such a good mate, I bet she really appreciates it smile.

ExitPursuedByADragon Thu 26-Sep-13 15:42:35

Lots of sweets and chocolate and good old Christmas telly.

Ragwort Thu 26-Sep-13 15:49:34

What did you do last Christmas with your DH around? Apart from the emotional aspect of having a partner with you - what are the real differences?

I shouldn't think the 2 year old will really care know what 'Christmas Day' should be like and don't most people just play board games/eat & drink too much and watch tv? You can go out for a brisk walk if you feel you need to get out of the house.

If your mum is only 10 miles away and has invited you over I don't see why you can't go there for a Christmas tea later in the afternoon & jsut stay for a couple of hours?

babyseal Thu 26-Sep-13 16:04:40

Ragwort I don't want to be ferrying the kids around all day, as they will already have been ferried over to mine from their Dad's that day. It is important to me that they spend Christmas in their new house this year, as it is their first Christmas here, first Christmas without parents together (exp and I split late last year but spent Christmas together with the kids) and I want it to feel like their home. I am just worried they will be bored and missing out with just me.

When with exp we would usually open presents, go out for a walk, go to my Mum's and stay there for the night before dd came along and we just had ds. Think DM and DSD find me and dc all a bit much now there are 2 dcs and not just one baby or toddler in tow. Emotionally, I won't miss exp, but I expect I will miss some adult company that day.

BlackeyedSusan Fri 27-Sep-13 12:35:31

i think it feels worse because you frriends are going to their mothers and you mother has been quite dismissive towards you.

christmas eve with no children sounds ok. you can put the stockings out before they go, prepare/wrap presents/lie in/indulge in something other than spag bol.

next year sounds good too. you can do all the christmassy things then send them to dad's while you go to you mum's for an adult social evening.

it being the first christmas like this though makes it difficult to see it in positive light.

sandiy Fri 27-Sep-13 17:16:26

It was my first Christmas as lone parent last year it was so lovely no stress no shouting no having to do dinner.I thought it would be horrible but it was lovely.Ex came for a couple of hour never again This year they will go to their dads but I'm not sure when exactly yet I think he will push for Xmas day but as there is massive legal crap at the mo who knows.I also went sale shopping on boxing day when they went to dads I spent loads with no criticisms.

Onebuddhaisnotenough Fri 27-Sep-13 19:17:16

I love xmas day with just the kids and I. I second the idea of a lovely relaxed buffet/picnic meal and a few DVDs. Buy some special silly Xmas pyjammas and slippers, close the curtains and hide away from all those snarly, stressy couples and families arguing about doing the washing up wink

GladbagsGold Fri 27-Sep-13 19:29:12

Christmas onesies, chocolate and TV. And there will be mn for adult company, mostly full of 'AIBU that DP hasn't made an effort' and you can spend the afternoon shouting LTB.

babyseal Fri 27-Sep-13 19:52:34

grin you have all cheered me up no end

HolgerDanske Fri 04-Oct-13 11:21:01

I definitely think there is something really special about spending the day chiiling with your kiddies, eating what you/they actually fancy and not being beholden to anyone for anything. You can make this the best bit of Christmas for them and you, you know..

I absolutely agree with what others have said: make it your ultimate Christmas cosiness day - lights off in the house, candles (if safe), tree lights, cosiness and lots of comfort. Duvet day with Christmas telly/films and all the time in the world for them to play with the toys they've just got.

Perhaps think of a special Christmas activity to do with them in the afternoon? Just something simple like decorating gingerbread biscuits. I used to bake cookies in a tree motif and have melted chocolate and smarties for them to use to decorate the tree. My girls loved that.

I've always done Christmas day with just me and the girls (and now my partner too) as my family is scattered all over the world and I really enjoy being able to have a relaxing day.

HolgerDanske Fri 04-Oct-13 11:24:20

And Christmas eve on your own is a brilliant time to just take care of yourself for a bit. Grown up bath, glass of three of wine, special chocolates and telly. Stay up late wrapping gifts so that when the kiddies come home they will be excited to see how it's all appeared out of nowhere. Then a good sleep and a leisurely breakfast. It'll be great :-)

Montessorisam Tue 08-Oct-13 18:43:17

This thread has made me talk to the kids about xmas. My youngest got very excited when I told him he'll probably have 3 xmas'. One here with mummy xmas morning until afternoon, then over to daddy's for another present opening fest and then Boxing day over to gran's house. He nearly combusted with excitement! It's our first xmas alone too. When they go to their dad's house I will probably feel bloody awful the above suggestions are fantastic! x

Lonecatwithkitten Wed 09-Oct-13 08:55:06

I choose to completely split Christmas last year ExH had DD for Christmas Day and Boxing Day and I had her for New Year this year it's the other way round.
We then had a second Christmas on New Years Day, having saved all the presents till then.
This year DD and I intend to make new traditions having a light lunch if yummy things and then big dinner. Dog walking will be in there too.

babyseal Wed 09-Oct-13 10:11:24

I am feeling a lot more positive about Christmas now; I was in a bad place a couple of weeks ago worrying that I was a crap Mum and they are bored of me, and pissed off with my Mum for not being very supportive, and your suggestions have definitely helped. I need to change my mindset to Christmas just the three of us being a really special time, and relish the idea of a Christmas morning lie-in smile.

I have also spoken to the kids about Christmas (well, ds, who is 5), and he is also excited about having two visits from Santa, and has asked if I will come over to Daddy's to pick them up, so I can see their presents and report on whether Santa made it to our house. I think Christmas afternoon will be spent watching Christmas films and playing with Lego, and then I'll get the kids to bed and whack myself a massive steak on grin. I am going to make Christmas Eve and morning all about me, and drink cava in the bath Christmas morning and maybe go visit a friend the evening before.

mitchsta Fri 25-Oct-13 17:27:20

My friend became a single mum when her OH died suddenly during her pregnancy and has always insisted that grandparents come to visit her and DD (5) in the morning so they get to have Christmas dinner (sometimes a roast, sometimes a curry - they have whatever they like) and then spend the afternoon and evening alone together. It's really special for them and her DD is always massively excited about playing with her new toys, so there's no danger of her getting bored. You'll have a great day. Make the most of a relaxing evening to yourself and a lie in smile

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