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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

1 2

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

oh the things people say

35 replies

BlackeyedSusan · 24/09/2013 13:32

this deserved a

friend's dp is away for 5/7 nights for a week or two...

other friend..."it is hard doing it on your own for so many nights"

me: hang on... this is what i do all the time....

OP posts:

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feelingsik · 25/09/2013 10:04

I have got it many time
I have mastered a scary-stare with I endure till their words begin to fade (stummer and statter may appear too) and they cant help but saying...sorry I should not be telling this to you

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kinkyfuckery · 25/09/2013 12:10

I detest it when I hear people complaining that their partner has to work late, or is away with work for a week, or away for a lad/ladies weekend - "Oh, it'll be just like being a single parent!" Oh no it fucking won't, love!

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purpleroses · 25/09/2013 19:24

My DM went to stay with DSis for a few days once, just because her DH was away for about 3 nights and she said she needed help with the DCs.....the 2 DCs that she has, just like I have 2 DCs. I clearly should have mastered whatever the telephone version is of feelingsik's scary stare .

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RitaFajita · 25/09/2013 21:00

Doesn't hurt for smug marrieds to get a bit of practice doing it alone.... 42% of marriages end in divorce after all. Oops is that bad?!!!

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Crikeyblimey · 25/09/2013 21:05

My sil (who I live very much) does this all the time. Her dh works away Monday to Friday and earns mega bucks. She says quite regularly that she is a single mum during the week. Erm - no you aren't. You have him available on the phone, on your team and home every weekend.

I'm not a single mum and would never dream of comparing my occasional alone time with living 24/7 as the "one".

I'm mostly in awe of single parents - cos I'm knackered and I have another member of my tag team!

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Numberlock · 25/09/2013 21:08

Doesn't hurt for smug marrieds to get a bit of practice doing it alone.... 42% of marriages end in divorce after all. Oops is that bad?!!!

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JetSetWilly · 25/09/2013 21:12

My favourite-usually after discussing eg the lack of contact by ex-"my husband would never behave like that"

Hmm yes love that's what I thought before the ex turned into an abusive twat and I turfed him out. Grrr

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honey86 · 25/09/2013 22:08

so glad i found this thread. nearly 35 weeks preg with no.4. but single again. first dp father of my first 3 died few years back n this one turned into an abusive twat. seem to be seeing happy couples everywhere n other mums getting pressies n stuff...
feeling really tearful about it all (hormones dont help).
bit bitter that im back in this position again. so im glad there are some like-minded ppl out there x x

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Mumof3girlys · 25/09/2013 22:17

With you on that, last Xmas I went out for a meal with all my girlfriends at this point they had just started getting married and having first children where as i had been married for 7 years, had 3 DC (5/7/9), been through messy divorce and had been raising my DC alone with no support whatsoever, kids dont even see dad and i was juggling work (cleaning houses and ironing) And I was sat there listening to them moan about how tough it was to be back at work part time with a 7 month old and fit in your house work and moaning there arses off at how there DP's don't even put the bins out unless they remind them!!!! HELLO who the hell do you think does my housework and puts my bins out along with juggling 3 kids, work, school runs, homework, after school clubs, dance classes, DIY etc etc

It actually makes my blood boil sometimes

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Wallison · 25/09/2013 22:25

honey86 I'm sorry that you're feeling that way. I was also single from quite early into the pregnancy with my son, and got tearful because it really wasn't a golden time because I'd been dumped etc. I now realise that just being on your own doesn't make it bad. Yes, it hurts, and it would be nice if all of our lives could be lived in ideal circumstances. But just not having a partner doesn't mean that life is awful, the same as having a partner doesn't mean that life is good. I'm sure there are many women who are pregnant right now who are with men that treat them horribly. You are not one of them. And even people who have good partners can feel low during pregnancy - I can appreciate now that it's not all about back rubs and foot massages even for women who are in happy relationships.

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girliefriend · 25/09/2013 22:30

Yes I had a friends sister who lives in a massive house, is a sahm, kids go to private school and generally lives the kind of life I can only dream of, claim she 'feels like a single mum' because her dh works late a few evenings a week

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honey86 · 25/09/2013 22:43

thanks wallison, i even got a lil teary reading that (see what i mean about the hormones?)
i know i shouldnt take it so personally and your right, cos i wasnt happy with my ex. i actually dreaded when the next arsey or jealous text would come.
those who complain about trivial shit aint a clue. i used to get so angry listening to their woes about their partners snoring whilst i was arranging to bury mine

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corlan · 25/09/2013 22:48

Listening to a friend last week moaning about her husband's golf interfering with her monthly spa weekend. I pointed out that I haven't had a night away from my children in 2 years and she completely ignored my comment and carried on moaning about the injustice of not getting away for the weekend early!

Some folks don't know they're born

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honey86 · 25/09/2013 23:22

i love just one spa day let alone every weekend

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Wallison · 25/09/2013 23:25

Oh honey86, you've had a rough old run. And yes it does rankle to hear people complaining about, well, nothing much really, when you've got so much to shoulder.

Mumof3girlys, I'm with you in that people with a partner just don't appreciate the full-on challenges that parents on their own face. We do the work of two people on the time of less than one person (because we're working). Now that really is juggling.

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HopLittleFroggiesHopHopHop · 25/09/2013 23:34

To be honest, I think it's easier doing it all yourself when you're used to it.

And also if children are used to having 2 parents in the house for different parts of the day they may well play up more if they want dad for bath time etc.

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HopLittleFroggiesHopHopHop · 25/09/2013 23:36

I am a single parent btw incase that comes across as undermining all the juggling pooey nappies alone!

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HopLittleFroggiesHopHopHop · 25/09/2013 23:49

(and I mean purely the moaning about husbands being away, no sympathy for missed spa days )

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honey86 · 25/09/2013 23:57

oh i agree to an extent... itll be 5 years this xmas since i first became a single mum to my 3, and im very much used to it. its mostly when im feeling lonely n isolated, hormonal, tired or ill.. is when i think 'cor id kill for a dp to take over for a bit, or to cuddle during the hard times'

xmas is also one of them times... i get no pressies (my kids are too young too) or attention or help cooking dinner. im lucky to have a supportive sister to go to for a cuppa if times get too tough x

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racmun · 25/09/2013 23:58

I think some of you are being a bit harsh. Everyone looks at things from their own perspective and that is the only reality you know.

Just because you're a SAHM with loads of money doesn't mean you can't feel fed up, that's their life.

Some people perhaps need to have a little more tact in what they say but I don't think you should ridicule the way someone is feeling because you perceive them to have 'everything' you never really know what's going in behind closed doors and being lonely in a relationship is one ofvthe loneliest places to be.

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girliefriend · 26/09/2013 07:29

I don't think anyone has ridiculed anyone just pointed out that it is in no way comparable to have a husband who is a way a few nights a week to being a single parent.

I agree that quite often the 'marrieds' aren't always quite as blissfully happy as they would have everyone think which is why it gets very annoying when they look at me with pity and say "I don't know how you do it..."

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Timpani · 26/09/2013 07:45

I kind of agree with racmum. I'm not a single parent (and I'm totally grateful for that fact!) but it doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to find some things hard or that I can't complain about things. I work part time and have a 18mo and one on the way. Yes, I have my DH but it doesn't mean that I find my life easy at all just because he's here. Everyone's perspective is different, everyone's experiences are different.

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ICameOnTheJitney · 26/09/2013 07:49

But it IS hard doing 5 days with no help....granted it's nowhere near as hard as being a single parent but it's still hard.

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SleepyFish · 26/09/2013 09:21

I don't think anyone said it wasn't hard jitney, it's the comparison to being a single parent that tends to get single parents eye rolling. I think everyone knows that parenting is hard work regardless of circumstances. But having a dp who works away is nothing like being a single parent, except in the physical sense. You have someone out working providing for your family, that is the difference.
IME the hardest part of being a single parent is being solely responsible for absolutely everything.

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ALittleBitOfMagic · 26/09/2013 09:31

Ok I think I might be getting ready for a flaming here but I think you are being quite unfair . I have been both . And I think being a single parent is No more difficult than being a parent in a couple . Parenting is parenting and it's as hard or as easy as you find it . I think it's ok for everyone to have a moan sometimes and everyone can get fed up or exasperated with things in their life sometimes and I think you are being unfair that just because your On your own and your friends have DHs shouldn't mean they're not allowed to feel it hard sometimes . (Except maybe the spa weekend person she is just being spoilt)