Fed up of dd's dad! He is useless!!!

[rubbishfamily333]

He lets her down a lot, says he will take her swimming then doesn't. Says he will come to collect her in the morning then leaves her hanging around all day and comes later. He is just useless.

Sorry to be moaning so much but he just annoys the hell out of me. My dd is so sweet, but I can see she is disappointed! Sometimes she can't even be bothered to see him and other times she's really looking forward to seeing him! But I suspect that it's because he says he is taking her swimming then doesn't bother!

He is annoying!!!!

[TheEarlOfDoncaster1963]

How awful for your dd. I think all you can do is explain to him how disappointed she is when he lets her down, and ask him not to promise things that he can't deliver. And be there for her when she is down about it.

[calmingtea]

It is so hard. I find it horrible knowing that children are learning that it is 'ok' to be let down by people they love.

I have taken the approach of, and perhaps I am very wrong in doing so, in gently and matter of factly letting my DC know that their dad is just unreliable even though he does love them and so when he makes all these promises that they probably won't happen. But that they can trust other key adults in their lives not to let them down when they make promises or to be there regularly for them.

The reason I did this, it makes me want to break down crying that my DC kept telling me that they had been promised x,y,z (big things for them like seeing their dad which is rare) over the phone and from real experience these things don't happen. I tried talking to their dad but just couldn't get through to him how cruel he was being. I just don't want them to grow up thinking this is what love is.

[TheGirlFromIpanema]

Sadly they will come to their own conclusions on this persons reliability way before they are grown up themselves.

DD is 13 now and has no desire to even speak to her father at all anymore. She knows I will facilitate a reconciliation at any time if she wants it, but sadly she does not and I'm not sure that will change at any time in the near future.

Its the deadbeat parents loss in he end but you have my sympathies as its us left to deal with the dc's emotions/frustrations.

[mammadiggingdeep]

:( really sad. All you can do is be there for her and be the one person that never let's her down. So hard to see your children disappointed and let down :( xx

[SleepyFish]

Might be an idea not to let her know he's due to take her out to avoid the disappointment, if he doesn't turn up on time i'd just take her out myself, don't hang around waiting on him all day. Just let him know if he doesn't turn up on time then you'll be out and he will miss the opportunity to spend time with his daughter.
If he himself is promising her days out etc then yes you'll have to explain that her dad doesn't always mean what he says, if she hasn't worked it out already.