After some help please, child contact, heads a mess!

(6 Posts)
mumof289 Fri 20-Sep-13 13:51:58

It's a long one. I have 2 baby girls B is 19 months old now and p she is 7 months old, there dad is called T. We split last September due to his cheating and trust issues.

After we split and when we were together be wouldn't even feed them or change there nappy. I had p at 30 weeks premature, and I was in hospital for 2 months. My mum had B the whole time and saw B 4 hours a week.

The threats started to begin in January, threats towards my family and my life. Alls I'm guilty of is for wanting him back and telling him I still loved him, he moved on to a new relationship last December. We had breif reconciliations up until march.

He was first violent with me in march, I sought to get an emergency injunction but be warmed his way around me. Then be tried to kill himself twice march and in April he was violent to me. Both times of violence have been infront or while I've been holding one of the babies. He was on a 24 hour crisis team and has finished his treatment for it.

A social worker was referred through my health visitor the second time he was aggressive with me. She also knows about the first. Social worker stopped contact with his whole family along with him until a core assessment had been completed. The core assessment revealed his upbringing to where him and his sinking were subject to 5 years of violence, and things that they shouldn't have seen with 2 different partners of his mum.

There were threats through put all of this all of which are reported to the police. He has never been imprisoned for any of the assaults or threats because he is wording them very clever.

He still to this day puts threats on social media.

I got a non molestation order on him last
Month. And at the review it has been extended throughout child contact proceedings which begin the of next month.

As far as I am aware he is representing himself. As the domestic violence has been proven my solicitor has applied for legal aid for the child contact proceedings, she put in the application last week so that I have legal representation and that I won't be walking into this blind as I want what is best for my children. If I had it my way he wouldn't be allowed contact, his new girlfriend his pregnant too - which angers me as I feel sorry for my 2 girls that he hasn't thought about them and just "spreading his seed". It's took him 5 months to make an application for child contact we I stopped the contact because of the domestic abuse and his mental health was a major concern too.

There are still many things going on.. I'm in touch with the police on a weekly basis, as t mother and sister have branched out to my family and have been giving them grief ... Their daughters and my Neice are at the same school so they have run ins with my sister on a daily basis.

Yesterday for example, his mum had posted a photo of DD saying that I'm evil. And I think it's diabolical that a grandmother could put my kids in the lime light for that matter. My children are in the public eye. I'm forever ringing 101 and I'm engaging with the local domestic abuse team who work a long side the police and are an independent business from women's aid. I've reported the photo this yesterday as it has been done before. I understand that if T had put the photo on then I can't do anything about it.

I feel like my heart has been ripped out the my children are in the social media for the whole town to see. And that my family are at the brunt of this abuse.

My questions are ..

Is there anything I can do to stop his family branching out to my family and giving them grief on a daily basic?

What contact he will get?

If he gets supervised contact do I have any control over how long it lasts for?

If I wanted to speak to my solicitor over the injunction to see if I could get it to cover my family would she have to apply for legal aid again?

I'm going stir crazy, the police are always advising me to stay away from the social media.. But when photos of my kids that are been put on and that they're
Making vile threats towards my family .. They're not doing it towards me because of the non mol order and it covers 3rd party contact so they'd be stupid to do that.

Sorry for been so long, so much has gone on. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Heads a mess. Hope you can help. Xx

cestlavielife Fri 20-Sep-13 15:00:47

you still have child's name in here ...

foolonthehill Fri 20-Sep-13 22:20:20

1) You need to sort out your post by reporting it and having the child's name removed

foolonthehill Fri 20-Sep-13 22:26:47

2) You are overwhelmed by what is happening (and understandably so) I think you need to step back and look at what you CAN do and what you can't do.

3) For the things you can' t do anything about or control...let them go. Adults in your family can report bullying and other problems to the police themselves

4) Social media. Stop looking...it's stopping you from functioning. If it makes you feel better then ask a friend or family member who is sensible to monitor the media and report if necessary, but not to you.

5) SERIOUSLY delete facebook etc and stop looking. You only have so much energy and you are not using it wisely. Block everything for a while.

6)CONCENTRATE on the issues with future contact. Get your paperwork together, write your statement, get friends and family to write stuff down that they have seen or heard. Collect emails and texts etc of threats.

7) One icecube at a time...that's how you are going to conquer this iceberg.

Hang on in there.

KateSMumsnet (MNHQ) Sat 21-Sep-13 13:04:03

Hi mumof289

We've edited your post to remove your DD's name. With the internet being what it is, it's best not to put too much personal detail out there. Best of luck with your situation flowers

cestlavielife Sat 21-Sep-13 23:12:44

As was said step by step.
For now focus in getting supervised and monitored contact only.
Properly monitored and reports back to court this is step up from a centre run by volunteers. Speak to ss again and again about any threats etc .

If supervised contact goes very well then it might move on but there will be several months first so you don't need to focus in that rigt now. In those months either things calm down all rounds... Or they don't and you have more evidence to continue with supervised .

His new gf is not your responsibility. Ss will be aware and it's up to them .

Ask your sister if she would consider changing school. Cutting all contact would be best.

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