it is daft for you to feel guilty about what he is doing. or not doing
you can only be repsonsible for yourself
and you can only support dd if she notices what her dad does or does not do. "yes it must be sad for you that dad could not come,. but let;s go play out/let's go to the park" etc. dont excuse, dont say it isnt happneing, scknowledge if she says something but move on to seomthing else. let her know yes it s sad but that is life let's go make cake.
You should only feel guilty about what YOU do. If her dad isn't making an effort, you can't frog march him to the door of the school. He knows were it is, you've suggested he could do a pick up (best to do these things by email so you have a record of it).
If he carries on like this dd will realise, it will be painful for her but atleast she will know what he is really like. You can't make him be a better parent.
Yes starting school is a big deal. My ds just started nursery, not such a bug deal but it's taken nearly a month for ex to pick him up. He showed no interest in visiting the nursery even though I gave him all the info when it came time to choose. So you are not alone.
If he doesn't like being told what to do, I expect you will just be creating aggro by telling him to pick her up on Monday. Just leave the door open and let him do what he wants.
I just realised today that dd's dad likes to make out he's interested in everything dd does, likes to have a say in most things, but hasn't been to see her new school. I have said to him he can collect her any day, just let me know. He doesn't work at the moment, he does live an hour away but that doesn't stop him when it's on his terms.
I think it's a big thing, starting school. I got her a card and present, maybe a bit ott! I'm a bit upset on her behalf that he didn't bother. He is usually quite good with cards etc, making Mother's Day cards with dd etc.
I think what is worrying me is the fact had has another baby with his partner, and although its probably not intentional, I'm worried dd is going to be pushed out.
I doubt there's anything I can say or do, plus he tends to lead the way in most decisions and doesn't like being told what to do. But just want to know if anyone thinks I should say something or I'm expecting too much. Other dads have been to the school, I feel so guilty dd is going to notice her dads not around as much.