My daughter doesn't want to see her dad

(7 Posts)
peanut543215 Sat 14-Sep-13 09:00:20

I left my 9 year old daughters father 4 years ago this october, he was violent in our 8 years together only to me not my daughter.

since splitting my daughter has never had a routine from him, he literally see her when he wanted, his had her over night a handful of times, not because i would let him but because when she asked to stay he would tell her no. I spoke to him a number of times for a routine for her, we would put something into place and he wouldn't turn up and he wouldn't answer his phone to her. it could be a week or two before he rang her back

The csa were involved as he never gave me any child support when we split, they then took £400 from his wages as he wouldnt pay them either, the month after my daughter didnt get a payment from them, this was because he left his job once they took the £400 back dated money from his wages.

The contact with him and her just got less and less since he had a new girlfriend and baby now. He could go 4-5 months without seeing her.

January 2012 we had a row over something written on Facebook, he come to my house where i live with my finance and daughter. He come with his dad and brother, him and his dad then managed to get in my house attack me (pregnant with me and my finance son at the time) and my finance infront of her.

She refused to see him for 6 months, i changed my number so he then started ringing my mum to have contact with her this was about 3 month after this all happened, july she decided she wanted to see him, i got her a phone so she can ring and arrange contact with him as i no longer wanted any contact with him. He see her twice from july to February 2013, he rang hardly at all.

She has now decided she doesn't want to see him again but this time its very different, he turns up at her school at lunch time or after school. She will cry when she sees him as she really dont want anymore contact with him. He has even come to my house, she doesnt want to leave the house when its just me and her, she has changed her number so he cant ring her.

I just want to no my daughters rights as she doesn't want anything to do with him?

How can i stop him from turning up at her school as she doesnt want to go school nomore?

Please help as i will not push her to do anything but her dad just doesnt understand and i get the blame that im stopping her seeing him which makes the situation even worse as my daughter no's this is not the case.

HeySoulSister Sat 14-Sep-13 09:24:13

You need to see a solicitor

Also, speak to school about this.

betterthanever Sat 14-Sep-13 09:46:50

Your poor DD. It is very damanging to her as you know to be put through stressful situations time after time.
Make a log of everything from this point (and prior) - not comment just dates and times and what happened descriptively. Be prepared for him to state very different things happened. I would advice moving forward you can communication written and if he is there in person have someone with you as a witness.
Contact with a parent has to benefit the DC, if DD is having more upset and stress than benefit I can see you point. You sound like you totally understand that it would be good if your DD has a stable good relationship with her dad but at the moment it isn't like that.
I would step back, seek some legal advice (you may qualify for legal aid due to DV) and put a sensible proposal to your ex for a way forward.

peanut543215 Sat 14-Sep-13 12:19:00

Thank you HeySoulSister i have a meeting with the school this monday.

betterthanever thank you very much for your comment, i will be logging everything from now on and try to remember dates of past incidents, ill also seek some legal advice as this situation is very stressful for all my household it effects us all in different ways

Thanks again

kittycat68 Sat 14-Sep-13 18:21:32

Op, unless you have a court order inplace he CAN take her from school without your permission if he has parental rights. The school cannot stop him. if this happens you will need to call the police, but only if you have a genuine fear of her safety or they wont do anything.
If this matter goes before a court is he likely to want contact? because if he says he wants contact cafcass will become involved and your daughter will be asked many questions, even if she says she dosent want contact itwould likely still be granted, unless you can prove with evidence your daughter is in danger from your ex! You need to think carefully before you go down the court road! If he dosent have a court order he cant demand contact, however i would suggest you cantact womens aid who will advise you on security measures for yourself and daughter , they can also recommend a good solicitor who will have experience in such type of men.

peanut543215 Sat 14-Sep-13 18:38:49

Thank you very much kittycat68, you seem to no what your talking about and your advice has been a great help, i will be contacting women aid this week

Thanks again

cestlavielife Sun 15-Sep-13 21:14:51

Go o gp and record her distress ask or referral to family therapist. /psychologist .

If she refusing school speak to school and education welfare officer ask for support.

Be proactive.

And don't engage in arguments over eg face book, and report any violence to police

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