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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Dad's rights - baby having operation

45 replies

AKP79 · 22/07/2013 21:43

I'm a single mum, my partner left when my son was 3.5 months and after a really messy period his dad is now having supervised contact every two weeks.

My son is 18 months old and due to have an operation soon and I'm waiting for the date to come through, which should be any day now. It's not a serious operation, but it will be under general and he needs it doing sooner rather than later. However, my ex has sent me a very direct text tonight saying that if the date for the operation comes through and it's due to take place when he's abroad on holiday then he doesn't give consent for it to take place.

Im wondering what rights he has to place those kind of demands?

Thanks

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andiem · 22/07/2013 21:46

Is his name on the birth certificate? Are you married?

AKP79 · 22/07/2013 21:47

His name is on the birth certificate, but we're not married.

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Ifcatshadthumbs · 22/07/2013 21:49

I think if you aren't married he doesn't have a leg to stand on

andiem · 22/07/2013 21:51

If his name is on the birth certificate then he has parental responsibility as do you. Can I ask why he is having supervised contact are SS supervising?
He can ask for the surgery to be delayed as he has pr unfortunately unless there is a reason he would not be allowed to exercise this.

ImNotBloody14 · 22/07/2013 21:51

They only need consent from one parent and as i'm assuming you will be giving consent then it doesnt matter that he wont.

What are his ( selfish!!) reasons for not wanting it to happen while he is away?

andiem · 22/07/2013 21:52

Sadly if cats that is not so if you are not married but the fathers name is on the birth certificate he has parental responsibility

AKP79 · 22/07/2013 21:53

I'd rather he wasn't there because im going to be anxious as it is, but i'd never refuse him attending, but I do have a problem with him constantly placing demands in an aggressive manner. I feel uncomfortable refusing an operation date as well because he's decided to go on holiday, it doesn't really feel like a valid reason to give the hospital.

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Ifcatshadthumbs · 22/07/2013 21:56

At this point I would just text back "I will be in touch when they send a date". It may turn out that it's not going to clash so I wouldn't get drawn into an arguement yet. In the mean time check out what the legal position is.

andiem · 22/07/2013 21:56

AKP i would discuss it with the hospital and see what they say they may only be able to offer you that date if so he will have to cancel his holiday or not be there, you could also explain about your anxiety and his behaviour. They will be able to help.

AKP79 · 22/07/2013 21:57

Andiem - there are major trust issues and a few days before we separated I left him alone to bath our son, I was out for 10 mins and when I returned my son was alone in the bath (at 3.5 months old) and he was swigging from a bottle of whiskey in the kitchen. Im also aware he has driven whilst drunk on two occasions (there could be many more) and he lives 2.5 hours away and won't give me his address.

Imnotbloody14 - he's not given any reasons he's just said he insists on being there. He's a bit of a glory hunter and I think, sadly, he will enjoy the drama of it all.

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AKP79 · 22/07/2013 21:59

Good thinking ifcats - I've ignored it for now, but I think I'll say that.

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andiem · 22/07/2013 22:01

I would explain to the hospital they will help you to manage him and support you

PrettyPaperweight · 22/07/2013 22:02

He does have equal responsibility to make decisions about his DS medical care - both prior to, and during the hospital stay.

OP I'm not clear from your post; has he said "I'm away between these dates and won't cancel my holiday if that's when the operation is" or has he said "if I'm away and you get a short notice appointment, I want to be back before it goes ahead"?

He can apply for a prohibited steps order, but if he just wants the surgery to be conveniently fitted around his holiday, he's unlikely to get it! If he wants you to wait for him to get back before the surgery goes ahead, that's a bit different.

AKP79 · 22/07/2013 22:02

Thanks, I stupidly haven't thought to discuss it with the hospital!!

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Finallygotaroundtoit · 22/07/2013 22:04

Tell him to cancel his holiday because of course he understands your son's health comes first!

andiem · 22/07/2013 22:04

They will involve him as he has equal rights but they can do it in such a way as to support you iyswim

AKP79 · 22/07/2013 22:06

Prettypaperweight - he's on holiday in August and on sat he asked when the operation was. I told him I still hadn't received the letter and he's said that if it is a date when he's on holiday then he wants it rearranged. I told him I wasn't sure if that was an option. Then tonight I received a message basically saying that if the appointment comes through and is scheduled for while he's away he doesn't give consent for it to take place.

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SirBoobAlot · 22/07/2013 22:10

The health of your child comes paramount to his holiday. Simple. Tell him the date, tell him it will not be rearranged, and that he better sort out his flights.

Selfish bastard.

ImNotBloody14 · 22/07/2013 22:10

Those that know, does the hospital have to have both parents' consent? Or could op just turn up on the day of the operation an give consent if exp is away? Will the hosp refuse to do the op if they havent got his consent too?

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 22/07/2013 22:11

They don't need his consent if they have yours. You can safely ignore his shenanigans as it's quite clear he isn't thinking about what is best for your son.

holidaysarenice · 22/07/2013 22:12

The answer to his rights depends on the country of the uk you are in.

Also even with equal rights (parts of the uk) it only needs one parent to consent. If the other doesn't then its up to that parent to take the other to court. If you tell us which country I can link you to some really good documents.

NoComet · 22/07/2013 22:12

Do hospitals ask for both parents signatures for planned surgery.

DD2 has got bones set under general twice, once I took her and the other time DH did, neither time did the other parent have to give consent.

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PrettyPaperweight · 22/07/2013 22:13

He's just being an arse, then!

I'd Wait until you get the appointment and if it does clash, explain that you won't be rearranging but you won't prevent him being there. If he wants to stop it, he'll have to get a court order and he's likely to get sent away with a flea in his ear!

He can probably claim on travel insurance as its his son......

AKP79 · 22/07/2013 22:14

Holidaysarenice - I live in Wiltshire.

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AKP79 · 22/07/2013 22:16

Thanks prettypaperweight. I'm assuming the holiday comes before our son anyway as he's arranged it over a weekend when he was supposed to be visiting him. Totally his loss though!

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