I just wondered if anyone would like to share their experiences of separation where parenting the DCs has been a successful and positive experience (all things considered)?
Just to explain that DP and I are in a place where we both love our DCs dearly but our relationship has fizzled out. There are (I guess always) some issues that have caused this but I dont want to blame either of us and really its mostly a general parting of our emotions. We have tried to resolve things but, sad though it feels, it doesnt seem like we can. Im not looking for examples as a way for me to make the break, but positive stories of caring for and loving DCs post-separation would be really helpful right now.
I separated from my xh in July last year although we remained under the same roof until February when I was able to move out. We parent our ds (who is now ten) on a 50/50 basis, with him spending two nights a week and every other weekend with either of us. In reality this works out differently because there are often events which e.g. ds would attend with xh which might fall into my time and vice versa but on the whole a 50/50 arrangement works.
Ime it's about being able to put aside your own feelings towards each other and being able to consider the dc ahead of that. On the whole it's worked well for us, although there will always be teething issues, more so now that we are both tentatively seeing other people. But it can be done.
My friend separated from her ex for good last time They havent been really togheter for quiet long time from different reason but she finally made decision to end it for good They do have a lot of problems as the live close So I guess is not easy She is trying to get move but it is so difficult
I know they had been sharing care of their DC Ever since he was born and most of the time it can cause smaller and biger problems As long as things are not made out of spite its possible But unofortunatelly is not allways like that From my perspective stay calm and do your best If you are concern about stuff have diary about care like my friend have Write down everything what important or what boders you My friend have got really difficult cos her ex is expeting money from her even if he is the dad and she lost her job lately But she can not leave her child with out food or nappies while he is at his dad
Positive outcome here too - separated from exDP when DS was 2, he's now 6 & things work well. DS lives with me and goes to his dad's one weeknight & every other weekend. Ex also attends parents evenings, sports days & other important events. We share school holidays as far as possible & Christmas is shared as fairly as we can do it. Things have have been tough at times but we've remained focused on DS being our main priority & tried to talk things out whenever we've come up against problems. I think you've got to be honest & accept that sometimes you're going to be really pissed off with each other & that's ok, it's how you deal with that anger & move on that's difficult at times! Good luck & believe me, things will work out ok for you all
Thanks all for your stories so far - I guess I can't predict the future but I really don't think DP and I will be antagonistic toward each other. But our DCs are our world and we really want to feel that we can do this without affecting them (more than is inevitable). I'm not being precious and imagining every family that has separated has emotionally damaged children - far from it. But the comfort of shared positive experiences is a big support right now :-)
Well one thing that is a massive positive is that my children now have 4 parents and 8 grandparents . They all bring different qualities and experiences that never would have arisen if we were still together