Separation and young DCs – positive stories

(7 Posts)
OrangeTicket Fri 19-Jul-13 14:45:56

Hi,

I just wondered if anyone would like to share their experiences of separation where parenting the DCs has been a successful and positive experience (all things considered)?

Just to explain that DP and I are in a place where we both love our DCs dearly but our relationship has fizzled out. There are (I guess always) some issues that have caused this but I don’t want to blame either of us and really it’s mostly a general parting of our emotions. We have tried to resolve things but, sad though it feels, it doesn’t seem like we can. I’m not looking for examples as a way for me to make the break, but positive stories of caring for and loving DCs post-separation would be really helpful right now.

Thanks

wannaBe Fri 19-Jul-13 14:52:43

I separated from my xh in July last year although we remained under the same roof until February when I was able to move out. We parent our ds (who is now ten) on a 50/50 basis, with him spending two nights a week and every other weekend with either of us. In reality this works out differently because there are often events which e.g. ds would attend with xh which might fall into my time and vice versa but on the whole a 50/50 arrangement works.

Ime it's about being able to put aside your own feelings towards each other and being able to consider the dc ahead of that. On the whole it's worked well for us, although there will always be teething issues, more so now that we are both tentatively seeing other people. But it can be done.

How old are your dc?

brokenk Fri 19-Jul-13 16:23:46

My friend separated from her ex for good last time
They havent been really togheter for quiet long time from different reason but she finally made decision to end it for good
They do have a lot of problems as the live close
So I guess is not easy
She is trying to get move but it is so difficult

I know they had been sharing care of their DC
Ever since he was born and most of the time it can cause smaller and biger problems
As long as things are not made out of spite its possible
But unofortunatelly is not allways like that
From my perspective stay calm and do your best
If you are concern about stuff have diary about care like my friend have
Write down everything what important or what boders you
My friend have got really difficult cos her ex is expeting money from her even if he is the dad and she lost her job lately
But she can not leave her child with out food or nappies while he is at his dad

Good luck to you

Nikeairyfairy Fri 19-Jul-13 16:26:54

Very positive here..

Separated very amicably. Both very involved in dc's care. Both with new partners in a short space of time. Everyone happy.

Never would have thought life could be so good tbh.

Discogeek Fri 19-Jul-13 16:53:17

Positive outcome here too - separated from exDP when DS was 2, he's now 6 & things work well.
DS lives with me and goes to his dad's one weeknight & every other weekend. Ex also attends parents evenings, sports days & other important events. We share school holidays as far as possible & Christmas is shared as fairly as we can do it.
Things have have been tough at times but we've remained focused on DS being our main priority & tried to talk things out whenever we've come up against problems.
I think you've got to be honest & accept that sometimes you're going to be really pissed off with each other & that's ok, it's how you deal with that anger & move on that's difficult at times!
Good luck & believe me, things will work out ok for you all smile

OrangeTicket Fri 19-Jul-13 17:36:08

Thanks all for your stories so far - I guess I can't predict the future but I really don't think DP and I will be antagonistic toward each other. But our DCs are our world and we really want to feel that we can do this without affecting them (more than is inevitable). I'm not being precious and imagining every family that has separated has emotionally damaged children - far from it. But the comfort of shared positive experiences is a big support right now :-)

Nikeairyfairy Fri 19-Jul-13 18:22:31

Well one thing that is a massive positive is that my children now have 4 parents and 8 grandparents shock. They all bring different qualities and experiences that never would have arisen if we were still together smile

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