Please help me, courts, child contact, violence.

(4 Posts)
mumof289 Thu 18-Jul-13 12:25:55

Hi mums and dads, whoever is reading this.

Just after some advice on your outcomes or what you think may happen please. Just need my mind at rest.

I have 2 lg 18 months B and P is 6 months. Split from their "father" when I was 3 months pregnant with P, due to infidelity the how he never contributed to I (I don't mean money he just hardly had anything to do with I) from what I've worked out from him he's just wanted the father title, getting tattoos and writing Facebook statuses makes him a dad, he's never put in hard work or any work for that matter with them.

We split September last year. We had brief reconciliations till feb/march. Through out the relationship and even when we split there was a lot of mental abuse, emotional abuse, and 2 cases of violence. Once infront of I and the other while I had hold of P. inbetween those two times he's tried to kill himself twice. There is a lot more to the story but they are the main issues.

I have told me health visitor about both times, the second time she referred it to SS first they said for him not to have contact and I had too be in with my mum and dad as want was more at risk army house. They have done a core assessment into his family which reveal more history of violence involving his mum and his other brother and sisters and all the dads that have been involved in there family and SS are using that as an excuse for his actions. He is under going therapy from trying to kill himself.

I have sought out legal advice as he is writing and plastering all over social networks saying that I'm a bitter mum, that I'm using the children etc. I'm too scared to go out. I have applied for an injunction and waiting for a date at the minute from courts for this hearing.

However he has apparently he is awaiting court date of child contact, or shared residency whatever he is going for. I believe he is doing this as a point against me because he knows how to hurt me. He is my safe around my children, I'm terrified of him.

They're are certain authorities involved SS - they have closed they're case now as they are happy with all the safe guarding I have done for the babies. Women's aid, the police have the propety and my contact number flagged. I have all the texts that go up until April which involve involve threats against my life, removing the babies, threats against my family. And the photos of the bruising from the first time he was aggressive towards me.

I feel like this has scarred me for life. He can do what he wants to me but not to the babies. I've tried making arrangements with the children when I was in hospital for 2 months with P (when I was pregnant) and he practically spent a few hours once a week with I and she was under the care of my mum and dad.

Anyway, he says he has applied for a date on his Facebook and I've told
My solicitor about this but she's not heard anything. So I've no idea what's he's doing? SS want me to apply for a prohibited steps order. But solicitor said that's opening the child contact open for him then and we need to wait for him to apply for his side of the things so we can shop off his menu basically.

I've kept everything and I'm screen shotting all of the Facebook statuses, and twitter ones his family and him are making. Putting my babies in the limelight.. With Lies. It knocks me sick.

My dad has to do my shopping for me cause I can't go out and do it myself incase I run into him or his family or someone he knows.

SS did a core assessment and he is suppose to be going 20 weeks worth of therapy for "uncontrollable outbursts of rage" and it never got to a stage with SS for them to take the babies off me. It was about helping me keep them safe, and they have helped me so well.

I'm just wondering what access you think he will get? Having such a low day? Slagging my family off and me for the whole town to see. Everyone believes him. He's rallying so many people round him.

Please help.

mumof289 Thu 18-Jul-13 12:28:15

All of this has been reported to the police too, I disclosed information about how he sells steroids, drugs etc and told them about the assaults. So it took 3 weeks to arrest him. By that time there wasn't enough evidence to take It to crown court for the assaults. And they have put the illegals substance use on there systems. Feel let down by the system so bad. confused

betterthanever Thu 18-Jul-13 12:47:15

So sorry to hear this is hapenning to you but please try to not let it ruin your life and isolate you. You have every right to leave the house. Should he approach you, you can telephone the police.
He may or may not have put in an pplication for contact, there is no legal aid for this unless some circustances - does he have the means to pay for it? Your sol. is right - leave things for now and if he takes you to court you can discuss everything. Try not to worry for now it will not be helpful to your DC nor you I know that is easy to say. Involvement from SS would be taken into consideration in any court case, they will get the details from all relevant agencies - he may get supervised access at a contact centre but that would need serious consideration by cafcass. I always think you can't be responsibile for what he chooses to do, just how you respond. Keep eveything as you have been doing but don't dwell on it too much, don't engage directly with him nor his family. It matters not what other people think - you know the truth and would all be investigated during a court case.

NicknameTaken Fri 19-Jul-13 11:58:50

It doesn't feel like it, but you're in a relatively strong position because you have reported the violence, it's on the record and you have SS behind you.

Also, given the fact that your solicitor hasn't heard of the date, I wonder if he is bluffing about going to court. He might find it easier to plaster it over social networks rather than do anything about it. Don't be stung into a reply by him accusing you of being a bitter mother. Let him say what he likes - anyone who believes him is a fool and not worthy of your time.

If he does go to court, it seems unlikely that the court will order unsupervised access in the circumstances. They might say he can see them in a contact centre.

With luck, he'll get bored and move on to his next victim. You've been doing the right things - you've done well with SS/police/solicitor. You have to grit your teeth and get through this.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now