Does anyone else worry about dying?

[sillymillyb]

I'm on my own with my 15mo son, I see my mum once a week but thats about it regularly. It occurred to me a few days ago that if I was to die in my sleep or something, Ds would be on his own for potentially days before anyone realised, and to be honest, the thought fricking terrifies me!

I know a lot of it is psychological, and that I've got the grand ole age of 32 without ever dying once, but I can't get the thoughts of him being hungry or wondering where I am or crying in his cot out my head.

Anyone else have worries like this? Anything I can realistically put in place to raise an alarm? My mum would think I was batshit if I insisted on signing in with her, or she would forget or something :S

[girliefriend]

Yes this thought worried me as well, do you work?

I would hope that either my mum or work would notice I was missing!!

Now my dd is 7yo she would hopefully know to ring 999 if anything happened, one night and when I was poorly and so was dd I passed out in front of her. It was awful and very frightening but reminded me that dd has to know how to call for help.

Have you got good neighbours?

[sillymillyb]

I am not working at the mo, and when I do I'm self employed so no one there I could rely on either!

That sounds so scary about when you passed out, bless you. Did she know what to do? I've -touch wood- not been badly ill since having ds, and I don't know why this has suddenly popped in my head, but its horrible!

My neighbours are lovely but I could easily not see them in weeks and they would just think we have missed each other.

I'm very missable it would seem - I need to get myself some commitments!

[sillymillyb]

Thank you for replying by the way, I was beginning to think it was just me with the paranoia!

[stella1w]

Yes. Why don't you have a set up where you call a friend once a day and she comes over if she hasn't heard from you? I would if i wasn't working.

[Elovena]

I did feel like this when I still lived in UK and I had no family around and my friends would call me once a month if that. My mum called me once a week but because of my previous (stupid!!) behaviour my family wouldn't have worried if I went up to 2 weeks without returning their calls.
It was a really horrible feeling! In fact it was the main reason why I moved back to my home country, even though I still live alone with my son, so if i died tonight, it could possibly take up to 3 days until someone came to check up on me (my mum and brother have my spare keys, precisely because I'm still a bit paranoid)

However my son is now 2yo and he is perfectly capable of opening the fridge and emptying the bottom shelves so I'm sure he wouldn't let himself go hungry (he learned to escape the cot when he was 15months so sleeps in a normal bed now and wouldn't need me to lift him out of the bed) He would probably also begin to make so much noise that my neighbours might wonder what's going on. In fact he could maybe even manage to call someone (random number) from my phone as he likes to play with it whenever i leave it unguarded. So all in all, I'm not THAT worried anymore, although of course i wouldn't leave my 2yo on his own on purpose and i'm not sure how damaging it would be to his mental health if he couldn't wake his mummy but I just try not to think about it too much.

As for you.. Do you go to any baby groups or do you meet up with other mums for coffee or anything (i didn't and still don't because i'm an introvert) I you start going somewhere regularly at the same time each week, then surely people would notice your absence and call after you to make sure you're OK..? Sorry I'm not much help, I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone and that it will get better.

[girliefriend]

Hmm tbh I can see why you are worried

I think maybe mention to your neighbours that if they notice your curtains haven't been opened for a day or two to check you're o.kay. Does your mum have a spare key?

[sillymillyb]

Ahh thank you all for replying! As much as I don't want to wish morbid thoughts on anyone I'm glad I'm not alone!

I have just called my mum and asked her to let me text her every night, she was a bit but has agreed, and has asked for a key. My best mate did say a few days ago she would check up on me if I went awol but I haven't spoken to her since Fri so that hasn't worked in practice!

Elovena Ds is 15 months now but can't get out his cot, I have just put some biscuits in "his" cupboard though and he regularly opens the fridge and steals stuff so if he was out and about he would fend well for himself. I think the best thing I can do, now I've put someone on call, is to just put my fingers in my ears and go lalalalala about the emotional trauma it would cause if I did plop my clogs and he was stuck in the house with me.

God, it feels really wrong to be worrying so much about this sort of stuff! Husbands are useful not just for DIY and catching spiders, but making sure your not dead too it would seem!

Thanks everyone for not making me feel like a daft bint!

[betterthanever]

Yes I did!! when DS was first born and then just as I was getting over it and had made plans/arrangements for people to notice my dad died and it all came back and much worse. DS is 8 now and TBH he was probably ok to ring for help from 3. I think due to my circumstances we had the conversation about phoning for help earlier than we would have, had I not been alone. I remember just last year a friend saying she needed to have a fire escape plan and needed to talk to her DD (7) about what to do in case of an emergency and it felt good that DS already knew.
And my exp would be quite happy at the moment if he found me dead I think

[TurnipIsTaken]

Yep me too. Also happier that ds is 3 so able to fend for himself a bit more.

I was just feeling a bit paranoid again about this though, as we get a few lifts during the week but there is nothing on during the summer. I have blackout blinds up in the summer so don't open curtains in the day upstairs or close them downstairs, neighbours are far away anyway as we live in the country.

[AmyFarrahFowlerCooper]

This is something I'd love to set up as a free service if I knew how to go about it. Single parents could check in at a set time every day, and we'd have a system in place if contact wasn't made to make sure they were safe. I've got a similar arrangement with my dad. If I don't reply to his text, there's a system in place to make sure dd is safe. I used to have nightmares about me dying and dd starving to death before my dad stepped in.

[FlatCapAndAWhippet]

I really worried about this too. DD's 5 now, I still do but more in a sense of who would love, cherish and guide DD in the way I do.

[sillymillyb]

A free service to check in on would be brillliant! I was thinking I needed an app on my phone where if I hadn't touched it in a certain number of hours it called someone and gave them a message.... not even sure that is possible, sadly!

So far, my mum has been good about checking I'm still alive and kicking, which is a reassurance and I think I will feel better once he is a bit older (I hope? I may be deluding myself here!) as at least then he could get help for himself.

I know what you mean flatcap about who will love and cherish them though, I made plans for that when I was pregnant, and so it's the limbo before those plans would kick in that scares me.

I guess one good positive that has come of this is that I'm taking better care of myself (I say eating chocolate and swigging diet coke....ooops!)

[BetterDaze]

Yes I worry about this too, more so now that I'm pregnant with my second. I have no plans in place as to who would look after them if I died...both fathers are AWOL and my parents are probably not up to the job due to ill health and age. I do worry that my DD doesn't know how to get help if necessary so will teach her that soon I think, she's 3.

[girliefriend]

I think by age 3 you can certainly teach them how to ring 999 in an emergency. I printed out 999 and my mums phone number and pinned it up where dd could see it.

congrats BetterDaze

[sillymillyb]

Congrats on the pregnancy betterdaze how far along are you? :)

[BetterDaze]

Thanks, I'm 32 weeks now and just about used to the idea now that I'm having another . That's a good idea about teaching them 999 and how to phone my mum, thanks.

[Lioninthesun]

I also worry about this and i feels a bit irrational! But I can go a few days without speaking to a friend if it is a weekend for example (weekend widow to all of my partnered up friends!) and my dad is the only family I have left, so we try to email once a week and he pops down once every month or so. Don't know my neighbour very well either. So yes it does worry me. I also worry a bout who would look after DD and whether she would remember me at all (which has resulted in 4 photo albums already - she is 2 next month). On the plus side I am always trying to make a memory just in case! She does also go to nursery 2 days a week now, so I am fairly sure they would call if she didn't turn up :)

[Hrrrm]

I was just thinking about this yesterday! I have an irrational fear of choking and falling down my steep stairs.

In a way it's reassuring to know other people worry about the same thing.

My family all live in a different country (we speak on the phone once a week) and we sometimes don't see DD's dad for several days.

I suppose when DD starts school they will notice if she is absent without notification, so then they would ring me, and if I don't answer, hopefully they'd do something else.