It feels like DD hates me :(

[HopHopHopSkip]

DD is 9 months and the past few days seems to hate me :( she's screaming for at least an hour each time I try to get her to sleep, she's smiling and squealing when she sees my dad, but isn't letting him hold her for long, but then seems fed up when she does get back to me. She doesn't want to play, she keeps having complete melt downs, tears included and I can't work out what's wrong , I feel useless

I think she'd be ok if she had a proper dad around, but she's just fed up of me

[CaramelisedOnion]

She trusts you, not hates you. she knows that you love her no matter what, so she feels comfortable already to just express how she is feeling openly, rather than be on her "best behaviour" as it were as she is with other adults, whom she is more wary of and does not have that strong bond with that she has with you.
And the "proper dad" sentence? Ludicrous. And you know it was.

[HopHopHopSkip]

Slightly, but it's not completely ludicrous though, not necessarily a dad, but just someone else who she can trust, so she doesn't just feel stuck with me. Theres noone for her to go to for a break because she wants to come back after a few minutes, but then is bored when she is back :(

Do children get really affected long term by only bonding with one parent?

[HopHopHopSkip]

Sorry i'm waffling a bit

[CaramelisedOnion]

she´s 9 months old. You are all she needs. is it possible you are projecting your own feelings of loneliness ad need for adult company onto her?

And children are affected one way or another by everything they experience. Its not a bad thing.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

Is it possible that she's teething?

At 9mo, my DS had a lot of teeth coming through. He was cross and squealing. He could be distracted, but not for long. Once the pain kicked in again, he just wanted to be with me. But it still hurt.

OP, your DC is very young, remember, like colic, this too will pass. And be kind to yourself.

[HopHopHopSkip]

I probably am a bit, when i get a bit down she does pick up on it, but then i feel bad when im spending time with other people if shes getting sidelined, and she doesn't "do" not being the center of attention well either, so im either lonely and down and then shes picking up on that or I try to see people and shes upset that shes not got all my attention

[HopHopHopSkip]

she's got 3 teeth just through at the top (looks a bit lopsided!) but she doesn't seem to react when they appear, but maybe that's got something to do with it. That's a good point about colic...!
I think I need to try to be more cheerful so she's not picking up on things, but its hard acting happy and lively all day. I really want her to start walking/talking so she can do more and not get so fed up (though I may regret saying that)

[ColourfulColour]

Teething is worst before the teeth show as they are moving down and cutting the gum inside. 9mo also classic age for separation anxiety which can be really scary for them.

Plenty of parents with partners will also have grumpy 9mos. But you are her full time carer, that makes you her world, her rock - the moon, the sun, the stars to her. Even if you were ghastly to her she would still love you just because you are her mum. It's how we are made.

Do you have someone to offload this to? That is the best thing about having a partner. Phone ParentLine if you are worried about boring real people. You need to get it off your chest to cope with the next instalment.

[revealall]

I think you may be right though Op, it is likely to be attention driven.

New people are stimulating enough but the best way to get your attention is by having an almighty paddy.

If you really feel she'd changed in the last few days have you started wearing new perfume or changed something else perhaps near her bed she's not comfortable with?

[BetterDaze]

My dd also acted like this around 10 months and she was teething, got 5 teeth through in one week! She was very fussy and tantumry and I thought the same as you that she was fed up of being with just me all the time. She also wanted my full attention but this changed when she was over the worst of the teething. She is 3 now and can still want all my attention but taking her to toddler group and doing things with other mums has helped with this. You're not sidelining her just teaching her that she's ok even without all your undivided attention sometimes.