Being a lone parent is great!

(70 Posts)
SnoopyLovesYou Sun 19-May-13 08:29:13

I started a thread about single mother stigmatisms and lots of people said that they are really positive about being single parents. Thought it would be good to start a thread about the upsides... What do you love about raising your children with no partner? And how do we best parent boys when there isn't a responsible father figure to fall back on? One thing I love is not having to listen to my ex complaining and criticising!

SnoopyLovesYou Tue 21-May-13 19:26:40

Haha 'Ballstoit' I know exactly what you mean about knowing what's in the bank! Having control over that means a lot less stress doesn't it?

So many of these posts sound familiar! And I'm going to refer to this thread when I'm feeling sorry for myself ;-)

'DadTheLion' how do you recommend parenting boys then, seeing as you're a man. Is it really all pizza and virtual sports? ;-)

This is just as an aside- If anyone has any ideas for the summer holidays, please share. How do you make the most of the 2 months as single parents? Especially those of you with not very much family support?

Lioninthesun Tue 21-May-13 23:04:41

I don't have much family support - just my dad who lives quite far away.
However I have just booked us a holiday to Casablanca! My friend moved back there a couple of months ago and she was an old school friend, really lovely. Suddenly thought why not spend time with someone who makes you feel good as well as catching some sun? Also she has kindly offered us her spare room so no extra hotel costs smile If it wasn't for that I doubt I could have afforded a holiday this year.
There was a great thread on here about doing spontaneous things with the kids not so long ago. I turn up at the bus depot and get the first bus we see - if unsure ask the driver where would be a good stop - and get off with DD to explore.
Luckily for me she also loves painting and sticking things so we spend at least an hour a day doing crafty things and getting messy smile
I love living alone with her - she is the person I see most of in my life and her loving nature is really apparent when I see her with other kids. We co-sleep (shhh!) and I just know that wouldn't be possible with a man in the house. I can have pasta every night if I want, don't have to have meat in huge quantities (and the expense!) or watch sport - sorry Dadthelion.
I do wish for the bin fairy every now and then though, as someone else mentioned wink

SnoopyLovesYou Tue 21-May-13 23:59:17

Ooh nice but did your flights to Casablanca not cost a fortune?

Apropos... What are the good flight search engines these days? I used to have these things all sussed out...

Getting away to visit some of my friends in lovely places would be great but I had kinda written it off with flights for me and DC

Lioninthesun Wed 22-May-13 00:13:50

Well it was £220 for both of us and only one airline that does non-stop flights, so no choice! However my budget was £200 and to be honest with hotels on top it was going to be way over that for anything else!
I am pretty nervous still and the flight is only 3hrs long! Sure it will be fine though and it can be another 'achievement' once done and I won't be scared to do it again.
Have started a link re camping holiday if anyone wants to do something when the summer is in full swing smile

SnoopyLovesYou Wed 22-May-13 00:27:49

Wow that sounds very cheap! Casablanca isn't the nicest city in Morocco. It's quite rough. But Morocco is great and there are lots of great places near there if you want some sea, sand etc?

SnoopyLovesYou Wed 22-May-13 00:30:38

Sorry I didn't mean to make it sound bad. Just watch out as there can be a lot of tricksters in the street! It'll be great! :-) And sure you have your friend to show you around.

Lioninthesun Wed 22-May-13 00:35:14

No worries - been to Marrakesh before DD and read up about C.B not being as nice. Just looking forward to some sun and my friend tbh!
Yes, strict budget here and my dad is prob going to go a bit nutso about me asking him to drive us to/from the airport <bides time> !

SnoopyLovesYou Wed 22-May-13 00:39:24

Well done! That really is an amazing example of a/ holiday plans and b/ making the most of being a single parent! Tell your dad you'll bring him back a nice pair of leather slippers that will make him look like a Moroccan elf

Lioninthesun Wed 22-May-13 00:44:11

Hehe. Mental image of my dad in those pointy slippers. Could be handy for Christmas outfits, but he is 6ft 5 so not really a passable elf.
Hope I have inspired you to check out your friends abroad with feelers for a holiday grin.
DD refusing to return to her room (I swear she only slept for 2 hrs!) and won't sleep here while I have laptop on (insisting on trying to sit on it/headbutt me) so I had better go! Night!

SnoopyLovesYou Wed 22-May-13 00:52:47

Night :-)

MummyAbroad Wed 22-May-13 01:22:44

Thanks for the thread, just what I needed reminding of after having been ill all this week - 4 year old had a cold and fever first and then me and my 1.5 year old got diahroea! Illnesses really are the worst bit about single parenting (another one with no family support here, they are all 8,000 kilometers away!) BUT it used to be worse when my husband would be crappy to me because I was too ill to pander to his ego. At least now we can all curl up and watch a DVD, eat yummy food and basically do whatever we like until we feel better.

I've been a single parent for 2 years, if I let myself I could get very depressed about it, but generally all I have to do for that not to happen is to look around me and realise how much happier my family is this way.

Holidays are still not something I have managed yet, except for a trip back to England to see family. I would love to take my kids to the beach, but so far time and money and the little one being too small has always put me off. Lioninthesun I wish I was in the UK to do your camping thing. Its much harder to team up with another single parent for a holiday out here.

SnoopyLovesYou Wed 22-May-13 19:12:38

Have already put out the feelers with one friend. One down, 20 to go! ;-)
Yeah I prob can't come to your camp out either Lion. Are you in England?

SnoopyLovesYou Wed 22-May-13 19:13:52

Ps lucky mummy abroad.. you're so right about the sickness thing! My ex used to get so angry when I was sick!!

Being a lone parent is a blessing.

It doesn't get more empowering and satisfying.

Yes, it can be hard and sometime really overwhelming. But you get through it (at times better than others) and you know exactly what it means to be 'human'.

My ex has not contact with my son, and I worry about how that will affect him as he grows up. But I also count myself lucky not having to deal with him anymore.

Lioninthesun Sat 25-May-13 23:19:57

Sorry snoopy and mummyabroad I only just saw this pop up again!
Yes we are in UK. Where are you both based? Perhaps next year we could do camping over 'there' if we can get cheap travel smile

Have a friend to stay this weekend and she is hoping to have a baby with her newish man. She was busy saying about the sacrifices you have to make for a relationship with a man. I found myself saying 'yes, that's exactly what I can't face at the moment. If I have another relationship I want it to be like my best friend, not someone I have to pander to and keep sweet'. She is luckily a good friend and knows that I don't mean it personally to her, just my take on men at the mo, but I did feel glad I don't have to worry about all of that.
Sun out today and highs of 18 degrees tomorrow round these here parts :D We are hitting the beach!

whattodonow1 Sun 26-May-13 21:47:26

Thinking of joining the single parenting club so loving all the positive comments, thanks. Just really quite worried about money. I have negative equity property I rent out and worried that this will stop me claiming anything. Also hoping to purchase property to live in. Anyone any idea what I can claim. My income would be around £2500 in rent after interest only mortgage, £7500 on self employed basis and £1500 on an employed basis. Thanks, glad you are all happy :-)

SnoopyLovesYou Mon 27-May-13 01:13:06

Yeah Lion would be good to find someone who is a 'best friend.' Not very likely though!!! ;-)

For now, we are our own best friends...

HollyBollyBooBoo Mon 27-May-13 06:10:16

I've been a single parent for almost 2 years now and sometimes feel quite negative about it. However when I then have deep and meaningful conversations with my married female friends I often come away really grateful that I don't have to put up with all those negative aspects of being in a relationship anymore.

I don't like the thought of being single forever but I;d like to think I know myself much better now and wouldn't be so quick to compromise my values and beliefs. It's going to take someone pretty special to be allowed into my and DDs world!

Happily for DD she does have a good, albeit long distance relationship (he relocated abroad) with her Father so I do feel that's of real benefit to her.

cat Mon 27-May-13 06:25:26

I was a single parent to DS1 (now 13) from pregnancy until he was 8.vyes as others said, it was tiring, juggling work, childcare etc. But we have the tightest bond and I treasure those days. He is fiercely protective of me and we can talk about anything and everything. He is so smart and mature for his age.

I now have a DH and DS2 (3) who both me and DS1 love dearly, and I wouldn't change my life now for anything.

But some days when DH and/or
DS2 are being particularly irksome, I admit I think back too those lone parenting years very fondly grin

Lioninthesun Mon 27-May-13 18:30:43

Whattodo yes if you own a property, even if you rent it out, you cannot claim anything. I do the same (although sadly for a lot less than you!) and luckily don't have rent to pay where I live, just council tax and other bills. I am on a pretty limited budget, especially compared to my couple friends, but this way I can be a SAHM, which is what I really wanted. I also find that my money goes a lot further as I don't go out (may sound a bit sad but tbf I don't really miss going out every weekend!) so I see it as saving £50-70 every weekend that I use to get bits for DD.
I love the fact I don't have to worry about someone else spending the money! It can all go on things WE like and want smile

bluecarrot Mon 27-May-13 18:44:35

I was a single parent for 10 years but now have a DP and a baby on the way.

I loved my space, being able to do things my way (or research everything to death and not have anyone smirk at me for it.)

I love the relationship I have with DD and quietly feel smug that she doesnt have the same with her dad (though I encourage their relationship it could not be the same as mine with her)

I liked being in sole control of the family finances. Im pretty frugal generally and I liked feeling in control of that - felt very safe.

Booyhoo - I totally get the resentment thing. (However its back now DP is here and his mum did EVERYTHING for him!)

suburbophobe Mon 27-May-13 21:29:19

how do we best parent boys when there isn't a responsible father figure to fall back on?

They get their role models from the men around them.

So best to have great men around! Whether it be your dad - my dad was the BEST role model! - brother(s) <never had one>, good male friends, other dads around. Even my gay friends are fantastic role models for him.

Thing I've learnt about bringing up my son as an LP is that it's better to be alone with great guys around than in a relationship that is shit...

My son is 21 and doing great at uni. <phew!>

suburbophobe Mon 27-May-13 21:33:00

^ What do you love about raising your children with no partner?^

Not having to put up with their bullshit, frankly. grin

Life is so much easier without another manchild around....

suburbophobe Mon 27-May-13 21:33:44

without A manchild around

SnoopyLovesYou Mon 27-May-13 21:39:48

Suburbophobe- I have no men around. Not one! Where can I find some nice male friends?

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