Am i being parinode

(17 Posts)
SummersComing1111 Sat 18-May-13 08:25:22

Ill try and keep this short.

Been in a emotionally and physically abusive relationship for 2 years and finally got 3 weeks ago with support from police, womens aid and solicitor to keep me strong and brave!

Iv hopefuly got an injunction being passed in court next week so my fears can strt to calm down and have had all new security put on my house.

Problem is iv found out threw third party that my ex has got a job starting monday 3 mins from my house , i cant cope with knowing he will be around all the time , i think im over thinking because he was offered a job there before but turned it down and was planning on traveling for a few months before the break up with his inheritance , but now he has expected

Am i being silly thinking he has only took the job to be close to around me?

OrlaKiely Sat 18-May-13 08:28:57

I know how you feel, well a bit anyway.

However it's possible that he just decided not to go travelling after all, and if he was offered a job there prior to this then that's not too difficult to imagine why he would take it in the current climate.

I'm not sure how it would work with the injunction/ non-mol? If he is that near to you already.

OrlaKiely Sat 18-May-13 08:29:57

also if you're no longer together then you never, ever have to have anything to do with him again, anyway, so it's not like he's going to be able to come into y our house or have a conversation with you or anything - unless you have kids together? Which would make it more tricky

SummersComing1111 Sat 18-May-13 08:32:31

I dont no how it works if im honest , maybe he will have to walk a longer way to work? He lives ten mins away but the job is right next to the shop 3 mins from my house so i will probably have to start going to different shop once the injunction is approved ? I really dont no i just wanted to make things better for my son and me and it seems to be getting worse!

SummersComing1111 Sat 18-May-13 08:33:21

We have a DS together but he isnt aloud to see him the injunction is to cover us both

OrlaKiely Sat 18-May-13 08:46:31

Oh crikey he must be a very abusive person - I am so sorry you're going through this. Is there any way you could move house?

OrlaKiely Sat 18-May-13 08:47:00

I mean, if they won't stop him doing this - which I guess they might, sorry I'm useless, just a hand to hold iyswim

SummersComing1111 Sat 18-May-13 08:48:48

Womens aid tried getting the council to move me but said id be waiting about 4 years! Iv been offered refuge but i really dont want to move my son to refuge then to temp acc and then to a new house hes only 17 mo and will be hard for him, im looking for a swap or to go private atm but not having alot of luck

SummersComing1111 Sat 18-May-13 08:52:08

I appreciate you writing thank you smile

OrlaKiely Sat 18-May-13 11:53:49

Good luck, I really hope something comes up. Bumping this for you in case anyone knows any more about this sort of thing xx

SummersComing1111 Sat 18-May-13 18:58:06

Thank you smile

PurpleThing Sat 18-May-13 19:25:59

Oh SummersComing, how awful for you.

I totally understand about not wanting to move a young child so much but I really think you need to go after a house move in anyway you can. If he doesn't know where you live, you will be safer and so probably more relaxed and happier.

I cannot believe the Council don't give a crap about this. What about writing to your MP? Contact Citizens Advice and see if they can suggest anything?

Have you discussed with WA how to handle this, for example if you did see him walking past the house etc.

coffeewineandchocolate Sat 18-May-13 19:35:31

your son is only 17mo and willbehappy as long as you are there. move now and get a fresh start- it will be harder to move as he gets older and your ex it's still working there

MsGee Sat 18-May-13 19:42:37

I'm sorry you're going through this. As your child is 17 mo I would go in a refuge and make a fresh start somewhere totally new. From the refuge you could be moved to permanent housing and you would get all the support you need to rebuild your life. Please think about this. Feeling unsafe and beig at risk at home could be much worse for your son.

SummersComing1111 Sat 18-May-13 22:57:56

No im not sure what happens if he comes past the house etc im going back to WA monday for more advice!

Im just finding it all abit tough and i would feel safer away and him not knowing where we are but then me and my son are more alone we will have no family support or anything and ill feel like hes won that he got me away from everyone that loves me and ds.

The council were horrible i left crying, basically said its a police matter to keep us safe not theres and if i want to fill the form out im looking at a 4 year wait!

I think i will go crazy with him being around the corner i no i wont want to go the shop etc!

Just wish it was easier

Sorry for the rant

coffeewineandchocolate Sun 19-May-13 10:10:37

you 'won' when you ended the relationship, and everytime you make a decision to put yourself and your ds first it cements it.

New friends and support systems can be found and old friends who are proper friends will stay in touch.

good luckx

finickypinickity Sun 19-May-13 11:54:28

Put everything in writing to your councils housing Dept and keep copies also copy in your local M.P via email.

You could be classed as homeless status if the threat to you and your son is as bad as it sounds which gives you the highest priority to move. I'm guessing your'e a council/HA tenant?

If you do go into temporary accommodation you need to find out how long you will be there for and have a look at your local points system to see how many you will be allocated if sharing kitchen/bathroom facilities with a baby in a refuge.

It really pisses me off when nothing has changed. I was in your position 12 years ago. Stay strong and start fighting the system back. The council hate letters with a specific name on them (ie housing officers name dealing with you) because it makes one individual responsible for your welfare and if it goes wrong they become accountable to a fashion because they do love a fall guy!

You are doing everything right for you and your DS so dont let the council fob you off without a fight.

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