Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Social Services

19 replies

Punkatheart · 07/05/2013 00:14

I have never had any dealings with social services - so I have no experience or knowledge of them. However, I have now reached the point when I simply cannot cope and I wondered if they were the people to offer help and support.

In short - partner of 20 years walked out two years ago. I have very serious health issues (incurable lymphoma) which is worsened by stress. My daughter has firmly refused to see her dad and we are left in a jointly owned house I cannot maintain properly (but I will be worse off if we sell) - plus my daughter can be extremely challenging. I can't work - although I am trying to write a little bit from home. My income is miserable.

I am always exhausted, on a chemo regime and quite honestly I feel psychologically, emotionally and physically spent. If I do contact SS - what is it they can do? I just don't know where to turn.

Thank you all so much - I am so confident in your collective wisdom.

OP posts:

Report

geologygirl · 07/05/2013 00:19

What a difficult situation. ..I really do feel fir you OP.

Not really sure what SS can do. Hopefully someone with experience will respond. ...but maybe try your GP or the specialist handling your treatment first? They might be able to suggest something or offer support.

Punkatheart · 07/05/2013 00:21

Thank you Ggirl. All my specialist can do is maintain my condition and I can of course have counselling. But it's practical support I need....I don't think that I fully understand the role of SS. All the GPs offer is talking therapies and then make you wait months and months to get it. Useless.

OP posts:

Roshbegosh · 07/05/2013 00:24

Could you try a charity, not sure which but there must be one that can help. Where do you live?

Punkatheart · 07/05/2013 00:26

I live in Berkshire, Rosh. I really think it's advice I need. Not sure if charities give advice?

OP posts:

Juniperdewdropofbrandy · 07/05/2013 00:29

Sorry to hear of your situation.

How old is your dd? Is your partner helping out with her emotionally and financially?

Have you contacted Macmillan? They're supposed to help with financial problems so it says here.

Best of luck OP.

geologygirl · 07/05/2013 00:29

Ah I see - so you need something like a carer? Someone that can pop in and do some chores round the home etc. I think ss or perhaps your local council can help with that sort of thing.

I take it you don't have any family close by?

Juniperdewdropofbrandy · 07/05/2013 00:30

NatashaBee · 07/05/2013 00:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Punkatheart · 07/05/2013 00:38

My case is complicated really. Ex is currently paying bills but now getting arsey at times about doing so - which adds to stress. I am not quite ill enough to require a carer. Some days I am strong enough to do things and other days I spend a lot of the time in bed....it all depends where I am with my Interferon regime. It's really frustrating.

Superficially it looks as if we live comfortably in a big house (we have actually been lumbered with it, really) and the Interferon makes me look really well....so it's hard for people to symphathise. Family live in Wales. They are lovely but they have their own families.

Homestart might be a idea. Thank you, Natasha.

I just want to be a good parent but every day I feel just like a car that is barely able to start.

OP posts:

IneedAyoniNickname · 07/05/2013 00:56

Hi Punk. How about Barnados community mums and dads? I'm wking with them (following a referral from ss). I don't know of they have it everywhere, but I am also ok berks. They are similar to homestart, who afaik don't exist here anymore :/ I used to have a family worker, but she said they weren't called home start anymore, even though that's what they were basically.

Lonecatwithkitten · 07/05/2013 07:40

Punk are you near Newbury? If so Newbury Cancer Care Trust maybe able to offer you some practical help.

meglet · 07/05/2013 07:47

Have you spoken to your DD's school? I know our one has a parent support advisor who covers a few schools (primary + senior). I get the impression she can pull strings when neccessary.

Punkatheart · 07/05/2013 07:55

Thank you all. I have spoken to the school and they are indeed help. They are incredibly kind.

I just don't seem able to organise my thoughts effectively. But I will sit down and think about things. I have now such admiration for single mums (and dads) - it's so hard not having someone there on which to lean.

OP posts:

Juniperdewdropofbrandy · 07/05/2013 09:03

Have you joined any online support groups?

You have us to lean on, I know it's not the same but there are a lot of caring people on here amongst the nest ;) A lot of us have been through the mill and want to support each other.

What about meditation have you tried it? There are led meditations/visualisations to buy and some on youtube. Or you can just take yourself to a place you love and breath steadily.

SacreBlue · 07/05/2013 09:30

Just deleted huge post because, I just wanted a hug when I felt like this {{{{hugs}}}}

I have the rest of the post (practical) saved if you want it later xxx

cestlavielife · 07/05/2013 11:57

good idea to ask gp to refer you to ss for support- as a "disabled adult " ie chronic long term condition you may be entitled to an assessment from ss,
think about what practical help you do need, when and what form that could take (ideally) - if you go to ss asking specifically for xx hours per day of support to do xxxx then you might be more successful than just saying "help" .....check the disabled parents forum on here

how old is your daughter and does she have a speciifc diagnosis for her challenging behaviour ?

Punkatheart · 07/05/2013 13:07

Thanks cest. She is suffering from anxiety and depression - we are waiting for a counsellor on the a and d pathway. If I had more energy, I could deal with it more effectively, but it just defeats me some of the time.

Thank you for the hugs, Sacre.

Yes, I think that meditation would be a good thing, Juniper. I am a quaker (a non-believing one - there are all types of quakers!) and the silence of meetings is very helpful. But I am often too tired to get there - Catch 22!

Deep breaths. Worst of all it stops me writing and writing keeps me sane.

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 07/05/2013 15:16

reach out to your quaker friends - maybe someone there can help, bring you to a meeting, offer support etc ?

Kubalai · 07/05/2013 15:29

Please let Friends from your Meeting know - they will be able to and want to help.

Contact a cancer charity and CAB or similar - they will help to ensure that you are claiming all the benefits to which you are entitled, including maybe DLA for your daughter?

Ring SS, see what they offer. You may be able to get input from children and adult services.

Contact your School Nurse/Health visitor - they can liaise with school as well as other agencies ie HomeStart on both your and your daughter's behalf.

I hope you get the help you need soon.

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.