6 yr old son sleeps in mybed

(30 Posts)
northwick Mon 06-May-13 02:14:27

It has only just occurred to me that perhaps the reason why marriage failed and i ended up having a brief interlude with another man, resulting in the ultimate demise of the relship with dad - is perhaps due to our son having always come to our bed.
Now that i am alone and feeling abandoned and often times low, sad and depressed, I am struggling to get him out and into his own room. this has not been helped by much upheavals coz we have moved so often and are due to move again in a couple of months.
thing i dont understand and would really love some clear feedbak on, is why it is purported to have such damage to him long term - some theories have been suggested - that he is taking on my needs and therefore unable to be a child and this will affect him later etc etc
also i read about sexual development going awry.

Please if anyone has know;edge, experience or evidence for this stuff, please do share with me. I am struggling to separate myself and especially struggle to be firm and consistent - so i think i need some cognitive therapy - ie a good strong argument explaining why it is detrimental to him (when he so clearly loves the closeness and the cuddles) that will lodge in my mind and enable me to stick firm with the process when I do start to work on getting him out.

of course, advice for getting him to sleep in his own bed would be much appreciated too

thank you

FannyBazaar Tue 14-May-13 20:47:20

Spanish Paediatrician Carlos Gonzales talks a lot of co-sleeping and how it should not affect a relationship with your partner. He gives examples of relationships in the animal kingdom. I heard him talk last year, really fascinating. Check out his book www.amazon.co.uk/Kiss-Me-Raise-Your-Children/dp/1780660103, I'll confess I haven't actually read it yet though blush.

northwick Fri 17-May-13 21:57:53

thanks everyone - it has been great to be reassured that i am not weird or perverse and that it wont necessarily damage him.
I like the part about making completely sure that he wants to do it and isnt doing it for me somehow - and actually this week we managed two nights in a row - all night long, with him alone. by last night he needed to come back, but i think thats ok, slowly does it ( i did feel that i had given in - but equally i was frazzled and didnt have it in me to make him try again), so lets hope i can just continue positively going forward like this. and yes, sometimes its divine and he certainly wont be there forever, so i should also cherish it.

plus probably NOT discuss it with others too much!

CuttedUpPear Fri 17-May-13 22:02:08

Most other cultures in the world co sleep. It has always seemed strange to me that adult partners sleep together for company but we expect our children to go and sleep alone. no wonder lots of them find it hard.

My DS crept in with me regularly until he was 12. He's 16 now and wouldn't dream of sleeping with me, though we sometimes watch Dr Who together with me in my pjs and him sitting on top of the duvet.

Don't sweat it. You sound like a lovely mum.

trice Fri 17-May-13 22:06:40

I have a 7 yo and an 11 yo snoring next to me right now. I love the cuddles and the closeness.

piratecat Fri 17-May-13 22:31:23

lone parent here. my daughter slept in with me on and off from age four till nine. went through phases of it. she needed me. when things were tough with my ex dh which was alot of the time she needed to be safe.
she is eleven now and doesn't want to and boy do i miss it.
i worried too that i wasn't being firm enough or it was doing her harm developmentally but i was wrong to worry. i think i gave her just what she needed.
they are our babiessmile

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