ST ExH today called himself "a glorified fucking babysitter"

(32 Posts)
aliciaflorrick Sun 05-May-13 12:57:17

The reason why, because I asked him why he'd returned the DCs an hour early this morning, and this is the first time he's seen them since 10th March and before that he had them overnight one Saturday in January. So the third time he's had contact with them this year!

Yes, I did go out on Friday night and Saturday afternoon while I was child free, but really you'd think if he saw so little of his DCs he wouldn't be rushing them back an hour early on a Sunday morning.

DS1 also needs passport photos for school tomorrow, I asked him to get them taken, but he didn't, because it's his one day with them and apparently he didn't want to waste all day getting sitting in a photo booth and having photos taken. I did point out I would have done it myself but needed to have DS1 with me to have done so. So poor old DS1 is going to get in trouble tomorrow at school because his fuckwit Father couldn't perform one simple task.

I wonder how he sees me then when I'm the one looking after them 24/7? Childminder? Nanny?

I despair of this man - he's also told me today that I don't allow the DCs enough time on the computer/internet. They're allowed two hours on non school days (so they have six hours a week - but I don't put this up in the holidays) which I think is more than enough, but apparently they've been weeping (and that was the word he used) this weekend because their computer/x-box/ipad time is so limited. They are aged 10 and 8 by the way.

And bedtime is too early, they go to bed at 7.30, because they get up at 6.30, catch the school bus at 7.30 and then return home on a night at 5.15, do homework and then are knackered, but according to him 7.30 is too early they need to be staying up later so that they can play on their computer.

I'm ranting because only have the DCs here and can't vent at them, but FFS he's a complete tosser. I'm not even going to start on the I can only see the DCs one weekend every two months because I have no money to fly out on cheapo Ryanair, but by the way have you seen my lovely shiny Apple Mac laptop I bought this month, or my new 3D TV, smart DVD player, and also I'm am off to a couple of gigs this month, but I have no money. One day the DCs are going to realise exactly where they are in his priorities, it's so sad.

It's so hard isn't it. You have my sympathy. My ex sees my son more often but always arrives late and drops off early. It just shows the absolute lack of respect that they have for the people raising their children. flowers

My ex also told me I needed to take ds swimming more! Unbelievable!

aliciaflorrick Sun 05-May-13 13:05:06

Sorry, I'm really ranting now, but he went mad at me on Friday night, because he failed to let me know what time he was arriving so when he arrived at the house at 3.00 to collect the DCs I wasn't there because I was at work and DCs were in the childcare I pay for when I work and we didn't get home until 5.00. Apparently this is terrible of me, I should have used my amazing telepathic powers to work out what time he would be arriving at my house, and then stopped my work and therefore my money because I'm self employed, to pick the DCs up from the playscheme to take them to him while he waited impatiently at my front door for two hours.

This is all my fault because I'm not telepathic and not because he didn't have the common sense or manners to tell me what time he was going to arrive. Although I would still have been working till 5.00 so he would still have been waiting.

Always being the victim is a sign of narcissistic personality disorder isn't it?

aliciaflorrick Sun 05-May-13 13:06:46

Indians you have my sympathy, it seems like your ex is an idiot too.

Startail Sun 05-May-13 13:08:45

7.30 is a ridiculously early bed time for a 10 year old and pretty early for a 8 year old. 5-15 to 7.30 isn't enough evening, certainly not in summer when it's light.

Short of drugs or rope, I can't imagine how you get a 10yo into bed at 7.30 (But I have never had DDs who went to bed before 8 and 8.30-9 was far more usual by that age).

However, about computers, photos and everything else he is being a prick!

aliciaflorrick Sun 05-May-13 13:14:08

Yes but *Startail" if they're fast asleep before 8.00 and I'm dragging them out of bed at 6.30 in the morning to get ready for school, I'd say it was a perfectly adequate bed time. If they were screaming and shouting about going to bed and then pratting around till 9.00 I'd revise it, but they obviously need their sleep and I don't get any grief about bed time. They're happy to go. So bed time, is not a problem.

Obviously they go to bed later in the school holidays, but not on a school night.

AndMiffyWentToSleep Sun 05-May-13 13:21:52

'Glorified'? He doesn't sound at all glorious!

HerrenaHarridan Sun 05-May-13 13:37:03

You sound like a terrible mother!

I mean making them go to bed shock
Limiting their screen time shock

Have you considered the possibility that everyone would be better off if he was the resident parent and you saw the kids when you can make the time hmm

Failing that report yourself to ss, what crack pot loony told you kids should have a bed time? Very cruel IMO wink

PurpleThing Sun 05-May-13 13:37:43

Yes who is glorifying him? Has someone erected a statue to him and his wonderful parenting, posed clutching his laptop no doubt.

Always playing the victim is a characteristic of abuse. As is setting up a situation where he can blame you for something that you had no control over ie turning up at 3pm with no warning. As is undermining your parenting decisions. As is treating you with so little respect. I'm sure there are plenty more 'little' acts that demonstrate his belief that he is superior and more deserving of his time, money and freedom than you or your children are.

(BTW - My ds is a crap sleeper and I've read loads of sleep threads. The amount of sleep dcs need does seem to vary massively.)

aliciaflorrick Sun 05-May-13 16:13:07

Thank you everyone you've lifted my spirits. Other things that have come out from the DCs since they've come home after spending one day with their dad. Dad says you're too strict with us, you don't treat us with respect, dad says we're welcome to live with him in England, everything you do is for us and not for you.

They've just had two weeks half term, where was dad then to look after them?

aliciaflorrick Sun 05-May-13 16:13:34

Sorry got that wrong, everything you do is for you and not for us.

3MonthMaid Sun 05-May-13 16:16:00

Just a thought, but isn't tomorrow a bank holiday? Can you get the photos done somewhere? Station, leisure centre etc?

Your ex sounds like an entitled twat. Ignore him I'd say.

3MonthMaid Sun 05-May-13 16:17:51

Ah.... Maybe it's only bank holiday in England.... Sorry grin

aliciaflorrick Sun 05-May-13 16:46:10

Yes only bank holiday in England, we had ours on Wednesday last week. I'll send a note in to the teacher and get the photos done tomorrow night.

Fleecyslippers Sun 05-May-13 17:57:00

Wanker. Ex who hasn't had kids overnight for months after an assault on one of them, regularly tells them that they go to bed far too early. OW also tells Ex that there is no way DD 1 has started her periods already. Just smile and breath. Smile and breath.........

PurpleThing Mon 06-May-13 00:17:25

Look at it this way, it's better they tell you all this stuff rather than holding it inside. I bet they feel abandoned by him and wish that he really did love them enough to want them living with him. (Yes it would be better if ex wasn't a twat but you can only control your own parenting.)

But the temptation to lecture them about what your life would be like if you really only did everything for your own benefit, must be massive!

nohalfmeasures Mon 06-May-13 00:21:20

Thank goodness he only sees them occasionally if that's the influence he is having!

Startail Mon 06-May-13 00:49:09

Now I'm jealous, at that age DD2 would have still been up messing about at 8.30-9am and wide awake at 6.30 when she didn't need to be up until 7.30 at the earliest.

DD1 is like me, she neither likes going to bed or getting up.

aliciaflorrick Mon 06-May-13 09:08:06

Thanks all, everything seems calmer after a good night's sleep. He did follow up his remarks yesterday with an email saying the reason he'd returned them early was because DS2 was upset at the thought of missing his computer time.

I did reply and say if he'd seen DS getting so distressed about not getting to play on the computer, did he not think the computer played too important a role in DS' life and therefore rather than let him have more time on it, the time needs to be reduced?

He said some other things, so I've told him to report me to social services and not to forget to mention when reporting that I don't allow the DCs to watch any films or play any games rated over a 12 category, and sometimes no matter how hard I try DS2 doesn't eat five fruit and veg a day.

Now I've calmed down I can just see how ridiculous he is. His comments do upset the DCs though and it always takes a few days for DC2 to get back to his normal sunny self, and not the rude angry boy he was yesterday.

meglet England Mon 06-May-13 09:18:27

He does sound like a twat, just try and rise above it.

When my XP saw the kids (he doesn't anymore) he would also moan about being a babysitter and said I wasn't allowed to do anything when he had them hmm. All contact had to revolve around his pub visits.

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 07-May-13 19:45:08

You are so not alone in this sort of thing.

Crappy dads tend to refer to spending time with the kids as baby sitting well its not so much just crappy ones its also the ones who think its woman's work.

As to the timing my ex couldn't possibly commit to a actual pick up time ever because his work was just so damn important,this would be the same work that the csa believe only pays £65 a week for 70 hours. In court once he said to the judge that he couldn't arrange any timings in advance nor could he commit to more than once a month due to his work 5 mins later he asked for residency ( the judge only just stopped himself laughing).

aliciaflorrick Tue 07-May-13 21:50:57

Hah Sock how did you keep a straight face?

My Ex DH never used to be a crappy dad, I never dreamed he would put himself and OW and her DCs before his own two. He begrudges every penny he pays them in maintenance, and this weekend I forgot to pack their wash bag and he refused to pop out and buy them a toothbrush so they could brush their teeth. So no tooth brushing from Friday night to Sunday morning when they got home from me. It would have cost him what, a couple of quid at the most?

He wouldn't buy them any sun cream, so rather than take them to the beach to play on Saturday, they stayed and played in the car park of the hotel he had booked, and then he brought them home an hour early on Sunday. He'll have gone home and told the OW what a great dad he was.

TWinklyLittleStar Tue 07-May-13 21:58:04

He wouldn't buy a fucking toothbrush?! What a prick. You can buy 2 value ones for about 20p in tesco! He's a total and utter dickhead.

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 07-May-13 23:44:22

Its hard to keep a straight face at all when he's concerned but I don't have to have anything to do with him now because if he does come to my door our son answers it and tells him to piss off.

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