Please help-getting desperate

[Acidfanjo]

Dd is almost 3 and has slept right through around 5 times in hr life. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to get her to stay in her bed/start getting herself to sleep. I do not want to use controlled crying. TIA for any advice.

[ThePskettiIncident]

No cry sleep solution for toddlers is a a great book.

You can try gradual retreat, so you inch out of the door whilst they are awake.

I do bedtime routine then kiss goodnight, get up and go go. I stand outside bedroom door and any time Ds gets up I just put him back to bed without a word. Most of the time now he only gaffs about for 20 mins and also lays in bed singing to himself, which is fine by me.

Hope that helps.

[HerrenaHarridan]

Describe what happens now

[equinox]

There is nothing wrong with controlled crying just talk to a competent health visitor she will put you right good luck take care xx

[queenofthepirates]

Ditto Equinox's advice. Controlled crying done properly is one of the best tools in a single parent's armoury. You might not like it but it could be just what your child needs.

[Acidfanjo]

Hi all, thank you for the advice, at the moment she gets sung/stroked to sleep then wakes 3/4 times a night and almost always ends up in my bed or I fall asleep getting her back to sleep in hers. I literally have no energy or patience left and she plays up during the day as she is shattered too.

[foolonthehill]

Your tool for gettting her to sleep works, but it is not teaching her to fall asleep herself..thus when she rouses in the night she wakes fully as the "going to sleep" sensation: singing and stroking, is no longer there and she needs you to "put her to sleep".

Any method of sleep training will work eventually: controlled crying is not to everyone's taste but is often the fastest (between 3 and 5 nights) if done consistently. Controlled comforting is similar but you resettle the child with a cuddle each time, takes self control to back out and keep to the plan to gradually reduce contact though and averages 7 or so nights and does not guarantee no crying at all. Other methods of gradual with drawal take variable amounts of time.

Your problem is that you are so exhausted that the mere idea of sleep training is probably making you feel weepy. And also you love your daughter and probably over identify with her (probably imagined) sense of abandonment.

being able to put go to sleep yourself is a vital life tool. this is something that your daughter needs to learn. You are doing a good job as a mum and this is the next skill you are going to teach her, just like you helped her to use a spoon, cup, climb stairs etc.

When you decide the time is right gird your loins and get a friend on standby on the end of a phone, pick a method that suits you (either the shorter sharper burst of controlled crying or one of the other methods) and go for it.

You will be successful, and once you have helped her to gain this skill you will be so proud of both of you...not to mention rested!

Good luck

[queenofthepirates]

Good advice from foolonthehill Can I also recommend The Good Sleep Guide by Angela Henderson if you try CC? It really worked for us. Best of luck x

[Acidfanjo]

I read all of your advice and tried to step back to take it in. I explained to dd tonight that I would read her a story, sing her a song, say goodnight and then she would have to get herself to sleep. It took 20 minutes, I checked in once, she fell asleep alone!! I am amazed. Wish me luck for the rest of the night