Moving on and difficult exes?

(10 Posts)
equinox Thu 18-Apr-13 06:27:42

Hello all you fine ladies.

My ex and I split up 8 years ago this coming August instigated by me when our son was only 5 months. He kept trying it on intermittently over the years until finally he met a woman when our son was c 5 years old I was so relieved. They had a baby together and have split up since. Their son is nearly 2.

Anyway I have not found anybody suitable to take on as a permanent or serious option as a boyfriend until recently. We have always had a communication where we might disclose if we are seeing somebody. This guy is very eligible and I could very easily get serious with him (educated to Phd decent job and owns a number of properties) we did go out briefly 2 1/2 years ago but it didn't work out as he was a workaholic then. He found me again on facebook when he got sick he is recuperating in Scotland but will move back nearer to where I live in the coming months. He would like to get back with me and see how things go.

I happened to blurt this out to the ex and lo and behold the end of May half term has been cut from its usual 6 days to now a pathetic 2 and a half days I have reason to believe he has done this deliberately to spite me and prevent me from dating or going away to visit this nice guy.....!

Has anybody else had their ex play up like this? Any suggestions?

I assume I shouldn't breathe a word of this to the nice man or it may put him off I can just say he has too much work on even though I do not like lying - and as for the ex I won't disclose anything about men in the future and I have sworn my son to secrecy too which I know he can do as he is 8 now.....!

Exes blimey they are definitely sent to try us aren't they! Grateful for any opinions/suggestions/experiences on the matter.

keelyboo Thu 18-Apr-13 10:20:27

hmm i wouldnt ask my child to lie for me tbh, i would just continue with my life doing the best for my son, and keep a record of any time hes cuts contact and if it continues maybe seek the court route to get proper contact put into place for him.

if he tries to mention you social life just keep repeating its not your concern, make sure drop offs are done on the doorstep and just keep conversation to about your son

equinox Thu 18-Apr-13 11:52:33

I wouldn't have a bean to waste on court funds besides exes are notoriously known for not sticking to the access arrangements! I am not the nasty type who takes exes to court anyway.....! I don't like hassle.

keelyboo Thu 18-Apr-13 12:22:33

far as i know its legally binding? i may be wrong though sure someone else will know.

and i dont think its nasty, sometimes its the only way.

just ignore him and anything he does to try and wreck your social life end of the day hes letting his son down and his son will not thank him for it in years to come he will though look back and see who was constant!

and id be honest with the guy you want to see if hes not willing to commit and its too much hassle hes without a doubt not the man for you! my ex recently decided he doesnt was ds at all ive been upfront with my bf and hes behind me you need someone who allows you to put them first to understand dates might need to be cancelled, you dont need extra hassle so just tell him honesty is always the best policy

cestlavielife Thu 18-Apr-13 14:05:58

dont ask your son to cover for you at all, or to keep secrets, it really isnt fair on him.

and dont tell your ex about your plans !!

jsut be honest with new man.

NatashaBee Thu 18-Apr-13 14:17:34

Regardless of how annoying your ex is, you shouldn't be asking your son to keep secrets.

YummyMummy17 Thu 18-Apr-13 16:48:56

Telling your son not to disclose your personal life and telling him to lie are two different things,,, I just want people to realise that before giving this lady moody comments, you all clearly picked it up wrong!

You seem lovely and after 8years you deserve someone so go for it, hitting a new partner with loads of drama is off putting so be honest but soften the information, just let him know he is being difficult but you have it under control,

Your ex sounds like mine, I feel for you. Just keep your conversations about your son and no more. Don't be horrible but don't be too friendly either. He was allowed to move on so you should be too!!

Good luck thanksthanks

MsColour Thu 18-Apr-13 22:54:32

I didn't introduce my partner to my kids until we'd been together a while and when we decided to introduce each other to the kids that was when I told my ex about him. He initially seemed OK about it, next thing I know he's kicking up a massive fuss in mediation and then we end up in court!
I would say, don't introduce your partner to your son until you know it's going somewhere, then he isn't put in the middle. And you don't really need to tell your ex unless you are introducing him to your son.
And if the new man is a decent person you should be able to talk these things through with him.

equinox Fri 19-Apr-13 05:37:37

Thank you YummyMummy for the understanding I will tell the new guy once we have spent a few days together in the summer it doesn't look like I will see him until then now. I won't hit him with all of the drama of it straight off lol! Yes I do deserve someone you are right especially as I have no parents or siblings my mum died when I was pregnant and my aunt is well old in her late eighties so can't accommodate us at her home these days, understandably.....

It is a bit of a killer standing in the playground viewing exes helpfully picking up and dropping off their children as well as umpteen grandmas and new boyfriends standing around it is all right for everybody else I have had to wait years for someone I truly like. No point wasting time with God knows who meanwhile lol.

Yes I have just told my son not to say anything about it it isn't a lie as such.

My ex is making out he can only do 2 1/2 days in May half term owing to his shifts but it looks a bit coincidental to me..... I can't fall out with him as he is coming up to stay for the weekend in July when I go to my grammar school reunion in Suffolk. I would really rather not have him up to stay here in my home but I have no other person in the whole world like that to ask so I have to grin and bear it and try and manifest gratitude lol!

Luckily the new guy is the sort of person who would merrily see my son from the off and has no hang ups about children he is very devoted to his own daughter too. I would just prefer the first occasion to be with us two adults alone together it isn't very romantic with a boisterous 8 year old trying to sit on the settee with us!

Any more feedback welcome or if this has happened to anybody else?

SingleMama Fri 26-Apr-13 00:00:07

I personally would not go to the social event rather than letting my ex stay in my home...

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