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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

I feel so lonely. Sigh

31 replies

BeOrganised · 28/03/2013 20:34

Well title says it all. I'm lonely, but I'm one of those people that put on a front and act like I'm ok all the time. When inside I'm not really. I just really want someone to talk to. I'm feeling really low, I can't really explain how I'm feeling. But I know it's rubbish.

I'm 27 with 3 young children. There isn't anyone who would want me (not thinking about now- even in 10 years). Anyone feel the same way?

OP posts:

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ATouchOfStuffing · 28/03/2013 20:38

I'm 31 with one, but to be honest I don't want anyone so not quite the same! I do get lonely in the evenings though and tend to buy small bits on Amazon and Ebay which is getting a bit expensive!
Have you tried 4od and iplayer and Netflix? If I feel lonely and want to just mong about I find a series on one of them and just binge on it when DD is in bed.
I find it a lot worse if I haven't slept much, any chance this could mean you

Shybairns · 28/03/2013 20:38

I totally understand how you are feeling.
It can be very lonely. Do you get any time off?

nkf · 28/03/2013 20:40

Do you always feel like this? Could it just be a low day/week?

Sometimes I feel down but then usually my period starts and I realise that's all it was. I don't get lonely but then I think I'm one of those people who quite like their own company. And I am exhausted most of the time.

Shybairns · 28/03/2013 20:43

P.S There are many lovely men who will want you and will not be put of by the fact you have children.

Honest, quality, internet dating will be a good avenue when thinking about dating again. You'll be surprised.

BeOrganised · 28/03/2013 21:14

No I don't always feel like this,just lately I've been feeling so crap. All I do is watch tv/read/plan. Their dad is not involved and I don't feel like I need time off from the kids but I feel like my life has come to a stop..

After 8pm it's just me, sitting on my bum eating and getting fatter :o(

I wouldn't even be able to Internet date because I can't leave the house! I wonder if there's anywhere to find a male friend maybe, or does that sound weird?!

OP posts:

BeOrganised · 28/03/2013 21:16

I am also one of those people who like their own company- but I think that's why I'm in this position..

OP posts:

nkf · 28/03/2013 21:18

Why can't you leave the house? Maybe this disatisfaction means you are ready for a change. Do you think you want another relationship? Or just more of a social life?

Piemother · 28/03/2013 21:23

Why do you think no one would want you?
Is there a lot gojng on? Can you break it down in to a wish list - we can help

BeOrganised · 28/03/2013 21:35

I can't leave the house because the kids are all asleep. Can't afford babysitter. Family would come round but I don't ask for help, plus its not their job to be babysitting for me because I chose to have 3 children with an alcoholic and a horrible man in general.

I would be to scared to have a relationship, think I am too boring, my role as a mum first will probably put men off.

Hmm wish list..

Loose 5 stones and be slim again!
Stop being boring
I would like some sort of relationship where I can be honest and not have to always put up a front.
Win the lottery

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BeOrganised · 28/03/2013 21:38

My children are 7,2,1. It confuses people that I'm a single parent because they are so young. Plus in real life at work ect no one knows I am single because I pretend I'm not! Yes I'm that sad and scared of the stigma attached to being a single parent. I worry that the mums at dc1s school will judge me, I would judge myself.

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nkf · 28/03/2013 21:39

You don't sound boring. Weight loss is hard if you can't get out and exercise. Why not ask for favours? People often like to feel useful.

BeOrganised · 28/03/2013 21:45

No I hate asking for favours! Everyone is so busy in my family and the fact that they would do it, makes me not want to ask because I don't want to be a burden.

Deep down I'm a positive person! How have I come to this?

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nkf · 28/03/2013 21:51

I think everyone needs a break from routine. Not all the time but sometimes. You sound a bit stuck to me. And despondent as a result. The weight gain is probably comfort eating.

BeOrganised · 28/03/2013 21:54

Yes it definitely is, I need to get out if this rut and shake it off. I'm going to wallow in self pity until Monday. Monday is the magic day where my troubles will go away!

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Shybairns · 29/03/2013 09:03

*BeOrganised I know that being liked by people for just being you is such an amazing feeling. Don't be under the illusion that others are living really interesting lives. Most people (as you can see from MN) have the same worries as you.

Maybe find an evening weight loss group to attend. Your family would not mind babysitting once a week for something so positive and health related. And you would make friends and have some support with the weight loss.

Being loved for all that you are good and bad, will set you free.
So be honest with people. You'll know who your true friends are as a consequence.

marjproops · 29/03/2013 21:52

Op, I could have written this thread.

have a with me. actually im having a hic! atm but anyway.

but seriously im in same position, cant find childminder, cant go outm anyway, like my own company...

its just these times when DCs in bed and itd be nice to be with someone to cuddle on the sofa.

marjproops · 29/03/2013 21:53

and I know its not the same as a physical person but mumsnet provides so much company for me, so glad i found mn.

happyAvocado · 29/03/2013 21:58

I don't know what job you re doing but in my company everyone knows I am a single parent.
Parents in general have tough time when kids are unwell + school related visits and plays.
If they know you are on your own they will be more understanding and you won't have to pretend.

You said you want to stop pretending - perhaps first step would be easiest at work :)

thornrose · 29/03/2013 22:05

BeOrganised - I know how you feel. I only have one child but she has AS and I really can't imagine any man taking us on.
I've been a lone parent since she was 1 she's now 13.
I've also put on weight from sitting on the sofa watching tv.
I can't help but I can certainly empathise.

BeOrganised · 29/03/2013 22:48

Thank you, at least I know there's others in the same boat. I think as well because the kids are in bed by 8 I literally do not physically speak to anyone until the next day.

I just feel embarrassed though as my children are so young, I shouldn't be a single mum. I can be a bit shy and lack confidence around new people so to add being a single mum in, I think they might think of me in a bad light.

I give up on weight loss clubs- in the last I've joined so many times. Just to fail each time. Each year I say 'this summer I'm going to be skinny!' Then summer passes and I'm still fat!

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thornrose · 29/03/2013 22:59

Oh yes, I do that too, the summer thing, and Easter and Christmas and next month
I lived in London for most of dd's life and there were loads of single mums so that never worried me. I moved to West Sussex and I notice that there are many more "traditional" 2 parent families which makes me feel uncomfortable.

leaharrison11 · 29/03/2013 23:25

I was going to be really nice but then seen u hide the fact u are a single mum and u would judge urself.... Therefor judging all of us.... Thats is all.

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ATouchOfStuffing · 29/03/2013 23:30

I really don't understand the judging single mothers thing - and I am not trying to be difficult. I don't get it. Why don't people judge men who walk out instead? Or is it assumed we are all ho bags who can't keep our knickers on and lust after benefits?
I keep seeing that other mothers think I am about to steal their husbands, (being as single mum, not me personally!) and thinking, F OFF! Why would I want one of those messy/smelly/useless things? You keep him!

BeOrganised · 29/03/2013 23:48

Thornrose I live in London, but maybe it's the area I'm in?

Lea I don't judge single mums- I meant my situation. In that I have been a single mother since day 1 (so 7 years ago) but have gone back to the same dickhead man and had another 2 children with him. That's what I meant. for example he was in prison for a year whilst I was pregnant so when people were talking to me generally, saying 'I hope dad is helping out in the night' ect.. I would just say yes, or something because what could I say?

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BeOrganised · 29/03/2013 23:51

Touchofstuffing you are totally right. These men should be judged and I think the ones who walk out and don't pay for their children or see them, are a disgrace. But sometimes I think that my life can be a bit of a drama sometimes because of him, I'm stressed because of him, I get upset when the dc are asking for him. And I think some people might just think of me as some gossip to talk about if that makes sense?

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